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Talismanic

Deadline Day Predictions

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Lemar in - Origi loaned out

No VVD or alternative CB

Sakho to stay

Markovic to stay

Coutinho to sign a 2018 Keita style deal with Barca 

Late bid for Vardy turned down

Kent loaned out 

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I predict I'll understand every woman I've ever seduced after this window; I talk a good game, but ultimately deliver something very unsatisfying.

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We don't sign anyone else.

We get threads suggesting our defence isn't as bad as we all think.

We are forced to play midfielders in central defence after a few routine injuries.

We get tedious discussions regards what constitutes failure.

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At 9pm the Thomas Lemar and van Dijk deals will be rushing through to make the deadline. Waiting on confirmation of medical results.

 

At 10pm the medical results will be in and be faxed through with an hour to spare.

 

At 10.30pm the documents will be sent back as they were not signed in the correct box. The person who signed them has now gone home and put their feet up.

 

At 10.59pm the person who went home is now back in the office panting through running from the car, just avoiding a giant dinosaur foot as it crushed his car. 

 

At 11.01pm the documents are received but as it is now 1 minute past the deadline a decision needs to be made on whether they were received on time.

 

All news reporters are waiting with baited breath and the news is simple. A decision will be revealed tomorrow.

 

FUCK!

 

Depressingly optimistic

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