Lazy twats

[Chairman Meow]

There was a lad on my uni course who would just turn up for the first 3 weeks of the course then disappear. No one would see him until about 2 weeks before the exams and he'd start asking round for copies of people's notes and ask people if he could revise and study with him. No one had a clue where he'd been for most of the year, by the looks of him though he'd spent all his money on ale and weed.

 

Apart from the asking people to revise or study with them that sounds very similar to my first time around at University. Fuck knows how I managed to pass. 

[setreal]

Friend of mine was sharing a flat with a bloke who was endlessly addicted to World of Warcraft. At one point he apparently started pissing into empty bottles in his room because he couldn't be arsed to go all the way to the loo.

[The Golden Eel]

My brother in law's wife

 

It took me a ridiculously long time to work out why you hadn't just said "your sister" here. One for the "times you think you're thick" thread.

[Paulie Dangerously]

We've voted for Brexit now (well, not me, but some people), and loads of the immigrants have gone back home. Tell her there are plenty of jobs going. That's why she wanted Brexit, right?

 

Nope she flat out tells you that there's no jobs.  They also voted for brexit because they were sick of immigrants coming over here and being immediately given massive houses which doesn't happen.  As of yet they have not been offered one of these mansions which are, in their mind, now empty

 

It took me a ridiculously long time to work out why you hadn't just said "your sister" here. One for the "times you think you're thick" thread.

 

To be honest it took me a while to think how to properly write it

[Harry Squatter]

My mate shared a flat with some lad who was a massive lazy twat who would stay in smoking, drinking and just going on grand theft auto. My mate told him several times that he needed to stop smoking in the flat and go on the back stairway. We has that lazy he couldn't be arsed and just sat there.

 

One night my mate got home from work and this lad said "i think we need to paint the ceiling because it's gone yellow". My mate says "No you need to paint it you lazy twat as you are the only one here who smokes".

 

It just got left to eventually go brown.

[Fowlers God]

It took me a ridiculously long time to work out why you hadn't just said "your sister" here. One for the "times you think you're thick" thread.

Im so glad I wasn't the only one. I read it and then re read it about 3 times before I went. Shit

[Fowlers God]

My mate shared a flat with some lad who was a massive lazy twat who would stay in smoking, drinking and just going on grand theft auto. My mate told him several times that he needed to stop smoking in the flat and go on the back stairway. We has that lazy he couldn't be arsed and just sat there.

 

One night my mate got home from work and this lad said "i think we need to paint the ceiling because it's gone yellow". My mate says "No you need to paint it you lazy twat as you are the only one here who smokes".

 

It just got left to eventually go brown.

Your mate could be considered lazy for not kicking the Cunt out

[Harry Squatter]

Your mate could be considered lazy for not kicking the Cunt out

And a bit of a shithouse

[Captain Turdseye]

I’ve been meaning to put my Xmas tree down and box up all the decorations for nearly a week. They’re still up. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow. 
 

My bird has been back in work for a year now, she does three days a week. On one of the days she’s out, she’s started paying her mate to come round and clean for a couple of hours. I just have a lie-in or hide in the bedroom. 
 

I pay another bloke to mow my grass and keep on top of the bushes outside my house. 

Beat that. 

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’ve been meaning to put my Xmas tree down and box up all the decorations for nearly a week. They’re still up. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow. 
 

My bird has been back in work for a year now, she does three days a week. On one of the days she’s out, she’s started paying her mate to come round and clean for a couple of hours. I just have a lie-in or hide in the bedroom. 
 

I pay another bloke to mow my grass and keep on top of the bushes outside my house. 

Beat that. 

 

 

 

[Strontium]

On 26/06/2017 at 00:43, Guest Pistonbroke said:

One of my best mates used to throw all his plates, glasses and cutlery in the bin because he couldn't be arsed washing up. It became cheaper for the lazy fuck to get a takeaway every night. 

 

PB could have had a Didn't Happen of the Year Awards all to himself.

[Captain Turdseye]

I don’t ever walk my dog. It’s been designated as a kids job. I’m too lazy to be walking around in the cold, wind and rain picking up shit. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

4 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’ve been meaning to put my Xmas tree down and box up all the decorations for nearly a week. They’re still up. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow. 

Some cunts haven't even changed their Christmas avatars back.

 

The worst cunts never do.

[Captain Turdseye]

7 minutes ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

Some cunts haven't even changed their Christmas avatars back.

 

The worst cunts never do.

I keep it on all year round. It’s lazier. 

[A Red]

My mate has 2 fairly big dogs who are about 8 now. They've never been out and socialised because him and his partner couldn't be arsed. His garden is the size of 3 snooker tables.

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I don’t ever walk my dog. It’s been designated as a kids job. I’m too lazy to be walking around in the cold, wind and rain picking up shit. 

 

Walking a dog is one of the greatest things in the world. 

[Captain Turdseye]

28 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Walking a dog is one of the greatest things in the world. 

Not with my dog, it isn’t. 

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Not with my dog, it isn’t. 

 

That's how dogging starts. 

[VladimirIlyich]

4 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

Some cunts haven't even changed their Christmas avatars back.

 

The worst cunts never do.

I don't know how to undo the hat thing.

[Captain Turdseye]

Just had a message from the in-laws. They’re plating up the Sunday dinner at 2pm. 
 

I forgot I’d agreed to go. Can’t be arsed. Need to decide in the next ten minutes or so whether or not to feign illness. 

[YorkshireRed]

22 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Just had a message from the in-laws. They’re plating up the Sunday dinner at 2pm. 
 

I forgot I’d agreed to go. Can’t be arsed. Need to decide in the next ten minutes or so whether or not to feign illness. 

Feign illness and get your bird to bring you a plate of food back for reheating in the microwave. Job done. 

[Captain Turdseye]

12 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

Feign illness and get your bird to bring you a plate of food back for reheating in the microwave. Job done. 

That would be the ideal scenario but she doesn’t want to go either. 

[manwiththestick]

40 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Just had a message from the in-laws. They’re plating up the Sunday dinner at 2pm. 
 

I forgot I’d agreed to go. Can’t be arsed. Need to decide in the next ten minutes or so whether or not to feign illness. 

Tell them you got up this morning to a really tiny cock and a cough.

[Liverpool lad]

The ones who rely on you or try to foist tasks on to you. They normally start with 'you are good at that' or that it isn't really their thing

 

I have taken to telling people that when I came out the womb I didn't have that skill set and had to work on it. It isn't well recieved

[Captain Turdseye]

The dinner was nice in the end. I drank some red wine though, and now I can’t be arsed putting the Xmas decorations away. 
 

It’s hard work being this lazy.