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VERBAL DIARRHEA

Things kids say

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My missus works with a lad who likes popcorn, eats the shit all day and even hides it from his kids at home.

He was telling her a story about something his 3 year old said. He goes into the kitchen and here is the 3 year old on top of the worktop trying to get a box of popcorn off the top of a kitchen unit. When he asks his son what he is doing the kid replies. " Daddy, why do you keep your " cock porn " so high so I can't get it ? "

 

Makes me glad my kids only struggled to say " spaghetti "

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My nephew (aged 3 at the time) shouted 'chocolate face' at a black guy on the bus.

 

Thankfully I wasn't there at the time.

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My nephew (aged 3 at the time) shouted 'chocolate face' at a black guy on the bus.

 

Thankfully I wasn't there at the time.

My 3 year old said something a lot worse to a black copper in a park in Liverpool. Got the word from his gobshyte racist uncle, my ex's brother.

He got told in no uncertain terms and my son never said it again.

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My ma was mortified and had to shut up my 5 year old niece when she witnessed a woman on the bus wearing a bandana over her bald head as she'd obviously undergone treatment for THAT horrid disease.

 

"Nanny. Is that woman a real pirate?"

 

 

My ma had to do her best to get her to shut up. Thankfully, the woman in question didn't seem to offended, according to my ma.

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Was in Motor World in Tuebrook my daughter must have been three.I'm at the front of the shop buying a new licence plate and she wonders towards the back, i catch u with her and she asks if she can have this Barbie Bell for her bike, i said no you already have one.

I walk away and she follows, we walk out the shop down the road a bit and i see her fiddling with something in her coat, low and behold the Barbie Bell I told her off and start walking back to the shop, why did you do that, i said, Barbie told me to, she said

I bought her the bell.

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My nephew (aged 3 at the time) shouted 'chocolate face' at a black guy on the bus.

 

Thankfully I wasn't there at the time.

 

My son did something like this a while back too when he was about 3. Him and this other wee lad were playing at a park and there was this Asian girl playing near them and they were both going "Chinny, chinny" at her. It was definitely something to do with the other wee lad though as my wee lad hadn't got a clue what it meant. The other wee lad's dad tried to do the whole telling him off routine but I assume he got it from him. Also, when they were leaving the wee lad didn't want to go and his dad told him to come on and the wee lad goes "Well fuck up then". 

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My nephew (aged 3 at the time) shouted 'chocolate face' at a black guy on the bus.

 

Thankfully I wasn't there at the time.

 When my eldest was 3 or 4 she pointed at a black fella (who we knew) and said 'Dad that man is coloured in'

He pissed himself laughing, but we call him Akabusi. Awooga

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My little one told her grandma that she could always hear "dinosaurs fighting" at night in mummy and daddy's room.

My youngest shouted out from his room one night that we needed to call an ambulance for mummy.

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At a wedding and our boy was 3, we were all sat outside at a table and he spilt a fruit shoot on his legs. The music stopped just in time to hear him shout, "Oh for fucks sake!" People couldn't contain their laughter and I just got daggers from the wife.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

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We walked past a biker bar today and loads of Hells Angels type blokes were outside with their Harleys blowing smoke in everyone's faces, our lad pointed at their bikes & goes, "Lawnmowers.". I missed it because I was walking 10 yards in front with my brother as well.

 

Fucking up the Mods wee man.

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Tommy (6) spilled orange juice all over the floor this morning & then informed his Mum, "It's a woman's job to clean up.".

 

Guess who is in the dog house?

 

This is after I got them up, made their breakfast, ironed their clothes & helped them get dressed like every other school morning.

 

Un-fucking-believable.

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When my lad was about 6 many moons ago, I was helping him change out of his school uniform. His buttoned up jumper was a bit tight going over his head and he shouts 'Dad! You havent undone the fucking buttons!'

 

Out of the mouth of babes, eh?

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On 11/04/2017 at 18:25, The Golden Eel said:

In the Chinese the other week he lifts up one of those celeb magazines and goes "Let's see if there's any nice boobs in this". 

 

Did you name yourself after said Chinese?

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