Premier League Round Up (Jan 21-22 2017)

[tlw content]

On a list of things I’d least like to be doing right now, writing about last weekend’s games ranks immediately between hand washing Neville Southall’s dirty undies and being Alan Pardew’s wingman on a night out. 
 
It was a nightmare wasn’t it? It couldn’t have gone any worse. We lost at home to the bottom club, Everton scored a stoppage time winner, the Mancs scored a stoppage time equaliser, Arsenal conceded a stoppage time equaliser only to then win it in the eighth minute of added time and Chelsea had a referee assisted home win over shite to show us exactly why they’re serious title contenders and we’re not. 
 
Neither Spurs or City won as they were playing each other so that was impossible, meaning we dropped a point to both of them. We’re only two points ahead of City now, even though it’s widely accepted that they’re having a terrible season and it feels like they get beat heavily every few weeks. It’s utterly demoralising. 
 
So you’ll forgive me if there’s not much in the way of the usual light heartedness in this week’s round up. I’m not in a joking mood and I doubt you feel like laughing anyway. I’m mostly just going to be lashing out in all directions, being a narky bastard and calling people cunts. So in other words... this week, Matthew, I’m going to be Craig Bellamy. 
 
Actually speaking of Bellamy, I’ll share this with you as you might not have seen it and it’s just about the only thing that’s brought a smile to my face all week. It’s from Breda Hangeland, who I’m sure you recall used to play for Fulham. He did an interview on Norwegian radio this week and spoke about a number of things from his time in the Premier League. This is what he said about Bellamy…. 
 
“During the handshakes before the game Bellamy took my hand, he was a head lower than me and he looked me straight in the eye and said “You fucking wanker”. I was thinking what the hell, I’ve never even met you” 
 
The most Craig Bellamy thing ever that. I love Bellamy almost as much as I love Peter Crouch, and I love Peter Crouch A LOT. 
 
Ok, let's get this shit over with then. *Deep breath* I’ll start on Saturday with the mancs. They went a goal down at Stoke to an unfortunate oggy by Mata, but Rooney’s brilliant last gasp free-kick kept their unbeaten run going and saw him finally beat Bobby Charlton’s record. At least we don’t need to hear about that shit anymore, and at least he didn’t do it against us. Bet there were loads of mancs not wanting him to do it now that he’s basically finished there. Well tough shit boys, your all time leading scorer is scouse. Now build him a fucking statue, he deserves it.
 
Of course he won't get it, because he's scouse. He won't even be remembered fondly by most of them because he's been shite in the last couple of years. Not really his fault like, he's just burnt out because of how much he was played when he was a kid. Mourinho is desperate to send him to China to get him off the payroll. I hope Rooney tells him to fuck off and bleeds them out of every penny on that ridiculous contract they gave him. 

 

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[Waitak]

Good job, Dave.  The Lescott references gave me my first football laugh for a week. 

[buster69]

That Hangelaand interview was absolute gold I have to say, particularly his laziest 11. Some great lines about Berbatov and Adebayor in it.

 

https://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/5q98i3/brede_hangelands_hilarious_felix_magath_story_and/

 

On a side issue think there might be some fringe benefits to being Pards' wingman for a night. There's got to be one or two of these left over.  

[dave u]

Don't kid yourself, there's no way he's sharing anything other than the absolute dregs.

[Whelan5]

Wish some of current player s hated getting beat as much as Bellamy.

[goose]

That opening paragraph had me in stitches, literally. I had a double hernia operation so you can imagine how painful it was when I "burst out" laughing.

 

That Rooney goal was all on Glen Johnson. 93rd minute and he rolled the ball casually out of play instead of hoofing it, made no effort to get into position and then let his man wander past him so that Joe Allen had to no option but to bring him down. Summed up exactly why I hated him being in the team.