Worst holiday you've ever had?

[Harry Squatter]

Just got back from Lanzarote and it was good. Spoke to a few people who hated it there and moaned about all kinds. A lot was petty mundane stuff until I spoke to some fella who had 1500 Euro's robbed off him as well as his passport. Hed also had the shits for 10 days. Nice.

 

Worst holiday I have been on was Turkey a few years ago in Altinkum, shit resort and the hotel tried to get money off me saying I had damaged a telly in the room. They wanted 2500 off me for a telly that must have cost 300 quid. They threatened to phone the police but weirdly backed down when I told them to phone them. Also fell out with my Mrs and didn't talk to her for 3 days.

 

Anyone got any holiday horror stories?

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I've always had boss holidays as an adult, even when the weather hasn't played along they have been great for various reasons. 

 

However, as a Kid they were always UK based due to money and they were mostly fucking shite. 

[Harry Squatter]

I forgot about my childhood holidays. Usually in some rain battered caravan doing fuck all in the middle of nowhere in Wales. No wonder I wanted to travel so much as an adult.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I forgot about my childhood holidays. Usually in some rain battered caravan doing fuck all in the middle of nowhere in Wales. No wonder I wanted to travel so much as an adult.

 

Yep, or having to share Oxygen with those inbred cunts from Blackpool was a particular travesty. 

[Bjornebye]

Went on a big fanily holiday to Bulgaria when I was really young. We came home a werk early.

 

Went to Tunisia with an ex. Jasmin-Hammamet. Hotel was sound but there was fuck all to do outside apart from a small market. Rained like fuck for 3 days as well.

[Harry Squatter]

Fella in my work broke his leg trying to rush through a barrier on the Paris metro. The year after he broke his collarbone in Majorca. Every year his Mrs arranges to meet up with random.people she speaks to on the first day and spends the whole 2 weeks with them.

[Tj hooker]

Had two weeks in Turkey hotel was ok but the resort was fucking shite , had the shits for half the time we were there got ripped off by the taxi drivers charge you the earth then drop you miles from where you needed to be hated the way all the market traders absolutely hounded the life out of you to buy complete tat .

Had a major league row with the wife didn't speak for days we even discussed splitting up good job we decided not too as she found out she was pregnant when we got back so a good end to a terrible holiday .

[Rushies tash]

Went camping with the kids last year. As soon as we got the tent up it pissed down solidly for 24 hours. Sent the Mrs and the kids to the bar at the campsite while I stuffed everything back into the car and we all fucked off home.

[Tony Moanero]

All of them. I fucking hate enjoying myself, me.

[chrisbonnie]

Lanzarote during that London Olympics.

 

I found it an absolute dump. The "strip" of whatever you call it looked low Burnley town Centre only with 40 degree heat. Couldn't wait to get out of it.

 

Good points though, I thought the food was fantastic.

[Harry Squatter]

Lanzarote during that London Olympics.

 

I found it an absolute dump. The "strip" of whatever you call it looked low Burnley town Centre only with 40 degree heat. Couldn't wait to get out of it.

 

Good points though, I thought the food was fantastic.

Peurta Del Carmen?. Went past there on my way to the Volcano and it just looked like Blackpool with better weather and no tower.

[Tony Moanero]

U.K. Holidays can be boss. West Country, North Yorkshire, Northumbria, etc. I'm not arsed about the rain, rather that than sweat my bollocks off and feel like a cunt all day.

[Furmedge]

Met my wife on holiday in 2006. Do I win?

[chrisbonnie]

Peurta Del Carmen?. Went past there on my way to the Volcano and it just looked like Blackpool with better weather and no tower.

That's exactly where we went. Granted I couldn't complain at the time as my missus uncle actually paid for the trip.

 

I think the worst part was that he paid for half board. So instead of staying in apartments we where in a hotel, and we felt obliged to eat there for the first few days. Plus being a hotel we where confined to one room.

 

We did do a submarine trip down by the old Town which I did find interesting though.

 

But all in all, Puerto del Carmen is a dump.

[Mook]

Don't think I've ever had a bad one, we used to have to go to places like Blackpool and even Glasgow once for holidays when my brother and I were little and we always made the most of it.

 

Nowadays I get the odd trip to places like Barcelona and New York and feel quite lucky, I'm not that arsed about travelling though and will quite happily spend two weeks off in Edinburgh.

 

I do feel terrible for people who have lost their luggage or been robbed or something though, must be fucking horrible.

[sir roger]

Went on a big fanily holiday to Bulgaria when I was really young. We came home a werk early.

 

 

Saying ' worst ' holiday might be a bit unfair, but certainly the weirdest holiday I have ever had was to Golden Sands, Bulgaria while it was still full-on communist in 1986.

 

Among the odd happenings

 

There was a guy we had spoken to on the plane who was forced to the floor in Varna airport with guns to his head and dragged away. He turned up at the hotel 2 days later when the police ( army ? )  accepted that the gold coins he had in his suitcase were actually fake tokens for a kids arcade shooting range.

 

An official got on the resort transfer coach at the airport and threatened us with all manner of tortures if we got involved in changing sterling or dollars into levs on the black market. He gets off the coach which goes 50 yards around the corner before a shady-looking guy is ushered onto the coach and goes up and down the aisle changing money at 3 times the official rate.

 

The lifeguard at the hotel harangued me for the whole 14 days to leave a pair of swimming trunks behind for him when I went. When I did so he was almost crying with gratitude & muttered the legendary ' I fuck many girls in your speedos, my friend '.

 

The local black marketeer was the ice cream man who nonchalantly put the levs in the cone & then put the ice cream on top while you paid shiftily in dollars.

 

We went to the 'best' local restaurant where we were ignored for 45 minutes despite being the only patrons in the place & me going up to ask for menus 3 times. When the old dear finally brought the menus she basically threw them at us and then yockered on the floor by the next table as she wended back to the kitchen.

 

Despite this and many other strange happenings I quite liked it and ended up popular with the staff in the hotel and  tipped them to allow me to watch the 1986 World Cup games with them on the only tv ( black and white ) in the kitchen.

 

It also pushed me to get rid of my pathetic moustache when I realised that all 4 of the Bulgarian Air stewardesses had more luxuriant versions.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Went on a big fanily holiday to Bulgaria when I was really young. We came home a werk early.

 

Went to Tunisia with an ex. Jasmin-Hammamet. Hotel was sound but there was fuck all to do outside apart from a small market. Rained like fuck for 3 days as well.

 

Knob rot? 

[Jairzinho]

U.K. Holidays can be boss. West Country, North Yorkshire, Northumbria, etc. I'm not arsed about the rain, rather that than sweat my bollocks off and feel like a cunt all day.

 

Had loads of holidays in the Lake District and Northumberland as a kid. Bamburgh beach is great.

[Rico1304]

I'd paid for a holiday to Oz with my ex missus and we split up a few weeks before we were due to go. Instead of cancelling I stupidly suggested we go as mates. Fucking horrific.

[Captain]

Went on a big fanily holiday to Bulgaria when I was really young. We came home a werk early.

 

Went to Tunisia with an ex. Jasmin-Hammamet. Hotel was sound but there was fuck all to do outside apart from a small market. Rained like fuck for 3 days as well.

 

Sounds like a sex fest to me.

[moof]

Saying ' worst ' holiday might be a bit unfair, but certainly the weirdest holiday I have ever had was to Golden Sands, Bulgaria while it was still full-on communist in 1986.

 

Among the odd happenings

 

There was a guy we had spoken to on the plane who was forced to the floor in Varna airport with guns to his head and dragged away. He turned up at the hotel 2 days later when the police ( army ? ) accepted that the gold coins he had in his suitcase were actually fake tokens for a kids arcade shooting range.

 

An official got on the resort transfer coach at the airport and threatened us with all manner of tortures if we got involved in changing sterling or dollars into levs on the black market. He gets off the coach which goes 50 yards around the corner before a shady-looking guy is ushered onto the coach and goes up and down the aisle changing money at 3 times the official rate.

 

The lifeguard at the hotel harangued me for the whole 14 days to leave a pair of swimming trunks behind for him when I went. When I did so he was almost crying with gratitude & muttered the legendary ' I fuck many girls in your speedos, my friend '.

 

The local black marketeer was the ice cream man who nonchalantly put the levs in the cone & then put the ice cream on top while you paid shiftily in dollars.

 

We went to the 'best' local restaurant where we were ignored for 45 minutes despite being the only patrons in the place & me going up to ask for menus 3 times. When the old dear finally brought the menus she basically threw them at us and then yockered on the floor by the next table as she wended back to the kitchen.

 

Despite this and many other strange happenings I quite liked it and ended up popular with the staff in the hotel and tipped them to allow me to watch the 1986 World Cup games with them on the only tv ( black and white ) in the kitchen.

 

It also pushed me to get rid of my pathetic moustache when I realised that all 4 of the Bulgarian Air stewardesses had more luxuriant versions.

Early contender for post of the year, this. Laughed my cock off at the lifeguard bit.

[magicrat]

That's exactly where we went. Granted I couldn't complain at the time as my missus uncle actually paid for the trip.

 

I think the worst part was that he paid for half board. So instead of staying in apartments we where in a hotel, and we felt obliged to eat there for the first few days. Plus being a hotel we where confined to one room.

 

We did do a submarine trip down by the old Town which I did find interesting though.

 

But all in all, Puerto del Carmen is a dump.

 

Love Lanzarote but Puerto del Carmen is a dump and I would steer clear of Arecife too

 

Playa Blanco has nice bars and restaurants and good hotels.. The island itself has plenty to see with spectacular views and the roads are generally really good as is the local wine from vines grown in black volcanic soil up in the hills . 

[Hades]

Scotland. Middle of summer and it rained the whole time.

[ZonkoVille77]

Tenerife when I was 19. Caught a dose off some Finnish bird I banged. Plus she stuck her finger up my hole and I nearly cried for my mother. Mate fell into a window and busted his arm open, hadn't enough cash to pay the hospital so we all chipped in leaving us short for the rest of the holiday and drinking the local sweat. Got sunburn from falling asleep on the beach drunk. Horrid.

[General Dryness]

Scotland. Middle of summer and it rained the whole time.