Theresa "MAY" not build a better Britain.

[M_B]

She's not going to give up is she. She's like an unfunny version of the Black Knight.

 

She's going to run down the clock to April 12th and then blag Bercow into another final vote. Her deal or crash out etc.

[Fugitive]

[Trumo]

10 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

 

She'd get punched in the face by Ned.

[sir roger]

I don't get all of the palaver over extending the time allowed for an agreement , so what if we have to have some meaningless MEP elections in the interim.

 

Surely it's more important to get one of the most important political decisions in our history right.

[moof]

Grieve is a cunt, but he tried to stop brexit which apparently washes away all your sins 

[Davelfc]

7 hours ago, Scott_M said:

Unbelievable she’s going to try for a 4th time. 

 

Just fuck off you old goat.

May the 4th be with EU

[SasaS]

6 hours ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

 

That last guy on the right in the second row knows how to fix the railways.

[sir roger]

There’s a photo from Pompeii that’s been doing the internet rounds a while, showing the plaster cast of a naked man. He appears to have died masturbating, even as he must have known the Vesuvian ash-cloud was approaching. Did he? Science says it’s a bit more complicated than that – but science isn’t important right now, because in every psychological aspect, that guy is the Conservative party. No matter what holy terror was raining down upon our land, no matter what the peril, the Conservative party would always decide to crack out a leadership contest.

At least 10 cabinet ministers considering prime ministerial bids

 

 

Read more

And so, inevitably, to the situation in which we find ourselves at this moment of national crisis, with Theresa May having agreed to depart. The mad bastards of the Tory party are at it again, in a competition you should think of as Mastershit: The Professionals. I collect the full range of Franklin Mint commemorative crockery for every Tory leadership battle. So if you need a vignette to remind you how the last one unfolded, there was one day when Andrea Leadsom went so fully Handmaid’s Tale on May in an interview for the Times that the paper was only able to give a side column to fellow contender Stephen Crabb being a sex case.

 

Without further ado, then, let’s take a look at the few potential runners and riders. These are in no particular order, but we’re starting with Liam Fox on the basis that he’s been a candidate in every Conservative leadership contest since 1872. Liam Fox is the bowl of carrot sticks on the table at your child’s birthday party. Why bother to even put it out, given that you know no one likes it, wants it, or ever eats it? Unclear; but you do it every time. Afterwards, you sigh: “Oh well, it’s something to go with that chicken, I suppose,” or make it foreign secretary.

 

Next: treachery’s Michael Gove. Michael is one of those politicians who we keep being told are indicating their prime ministerial readiness by going for a run. The same was being said of Jeremy Corbyn this week, who’s apparently “in training for power with 15km runs”. What’s that got to do with the price of rice? Mo Farah might as well prepare for races by taking a coherent Brexit position.

 

Elsewhere in the field, it’s incredible that “LET MY PEOPLE GO” was not even Boris Johnson’s maddest Telegraph column this week. Here’s a more recent one: “This was the Friday when Charles Moore’s retainers were meant to be weaving through the moonlit lanes of Sussex, half blind with scrumpy, singing Brexit shanties at the tops of their voices and beating the hedgerows with staves.” If Westminster was Gotham, Johnson would be in Arkham Asylum.

 

Moving on, Amber Rudd might as well run for leadership of the Jedi High Council, so let’s proceed to Dominic Raab – the man with the slightly frightened child in his eyes. As I type this, Dominic is now voting for the deal he resigned to oppose, having negotiated that deal in the first place. He spent most of the week reckoning we should go back to the EU over the backstop, I mean … Dominic? DOMINIC? It’s now not so much that that ship has sailed, more that it has sailed, hit an iceberg, sunk, and formed the basis for a myriad books and dramas, culminating in the biggest-grossing movie of all time. WHICH BIT OF THIS JOURNEY DID YOU MISS? You were Brexit secretary. You were literally on deck with Michel Barnier while the band was playing.

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Next up: the Saj. I haven’t suited up, so I can’t dive fully into the matter of the 120,000 or so Conservative members who form the electorate for this competition, whom social attitude surveys reveal to be vastly out of kilter with the members of all other political parties and the electorate as a whole. Suffice to say Sajid Javid might feel he has to be twice as artless about “Asian paedophiles”, and twice as morally weak over the fate of Isis Vicky Pollard just to get them to consider him. His conference speech barely half-filled the hall. Members won’t have liked the £1,700-a-night luxury safariholiday he was summoned back from at Christmas, but the unconscionable death of an infant British citizen in a refugee camp will doubtless be viewed as a plus.

 

On a sunnier note, we’ve already covered Andrea Leadsom’s lavish qualifications for the job, but Brexit’s Oxo mum has recently snazzed up her act with a series of Sandy-from-Grease leather jackets. Andrea used to love John Travolta, until she heard some things.

Onwards, then, to Jeremy Hunt. Every Tory member will have read Moneyball like six times, so they’ll know the folly of picking someone simply on the basis they look like a prime minister, much in the way that you go wrong if you pick baseball players who simply look like ballplayers. Deeper analysis of Jeremy’s on-base percentage shows that he is loathed only by people who have had any contact, at all, at any level, with the health service of which he was in charge for six years.

 

Given his former permanent secretary at Dexeu judged that David Davis “could hardly be bothered to go to Brussels”, I can hardly be bothered to assess his chances. In any case, I defer to the late great Simon Hoggart, who characterised Davis’s decades-ago stint in the territorial SAS as “strangling the Queen’s enemies with piano-wire, but only at weekends”.

What about Matt Hancock? Look, Matt Hancock strikes me as the sort of nice-enough chap who’d wander into the middle of some Westeros power-play and go: “Guys, I’m sure there’s a more positive way we could sort this out.” If anyone finds a way to identify dragon-incinerated remains, please could they contact the Department of Health.

 

Ditto Gavin Williamson, described in the Mail this week as possessing “matinee-idol good looks”. Which matinee? The teenage star of Dude, Where’s My Frigate?, Gavin was spat out by the Hollywood dream factory and forced to make his way as a fireplace salesman. Since becoming defence secretary, he has attempted to start beef with Russia (twice), China, Spain, and his mate Dan in a game of Call of Duty: Black Ops. Definitely vote for him if you like guys who describe other guys as “bloody good news”.

 

Who’s next? I feel like I always want to know less about Liz Truss, whose Instagram account indicates a belief she is some kind of Tory influencer. As for David Lidington, I have had three children but I have never found out what exactly a cervix is. It just sounded like something gross I wouldn’t want to know about. Same with a David Lidington. Sorry, but no. Indeed, now I have found out about David Lidington’s views on my reproductive organs, the decision feels doubly vindicated.

 

Alas, that’s all we’ve got room for. But there are more – so many more, and there always will be. As the de facto show motto goes: “When you play the Game of Thrones, you win, then you get fucked by Europe.” Set your sights on adventure, and prepare for season 80.

• Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist

[Red Phoenix]

Guardian's top story for several hours now has been about Tories blocking May if she tries to get an election started. Of course the Tinge Group(tm) will also support those opposing, so there'd need to be a good amount of Tories that'd help make it happen. Still struggle to see how it'd work with it needing two thirds of parliament to pass.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/mar/30/furious-tory-mps-tell-theresa-may-they-will-block-snap-election

[sir roger]

Yes, I can’t see an election being a realistic outcome , just being used to put the shits up Tory  mps to vote for the never ending deal.

[magicrat]

21 hours ago, SasaS said:

 

That last guy on the right in the second row knows how to fix the railways.

 

 

Nah my money is on Harold Shipman. 

[polymerpunkah]

Just think of the savings for the NHS:

 

[ZonkoVille77]

 

[Jairzinho]

Saw this on that Frankie Boyle program -

 

 

She isn't a human.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

On 30/03/2019 at 15:53, SasaS said:

 

That last guy on the right in the second row knows how to fix the railways.

 

 

The bloke on the left of the second row has a plan for sorting the pensions Black Hole.

[Anubis]

Too long to post. Makes for grim reading.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/apr/13/trapped-britain-new-slums-poverty-austerity-social-housing

 

This bit got my heckles up. Of course she never received a reply. The Tory cunt wouldn’t have given a shit.

 

Quote

Out of desperation she wrote to the local MP, John Penrose, who is a government minister, to ask for help applying for a discretionary housing payment, which helps with rent shortfalls. She says she never received a reply. Penrose says he is now trying to track down her email and offer help.

 

 

[Anubis]

Christopher Chode more like.

 

Quote

Tory MP Christopher Chope has attacked a move to tackle climate change as “virtue signalling”.

On Tuesday, Conservative backbencher Alex Chalk introduced a bill that would require the UK to reach net zero carbon emissions by 2050.

 

Chalk, the MP for Cheltenham, said his proposed law was “radical, necessarily and unapologetically so”.

 

He told the Commons the impact of human activity on the climate was “established beyond all reasonable doubt”.

 

But Chope said MPs supporting the bill were letting their “emotions get the better of them” and questioned if it could achieve its goal.

 

He said it was an “expensive and extravagant virtue signal” and MPs should “pause for a moment and think about the need to carry out proper cost/benefit analysis before we implement changes in legislation”.

 

The MP for Christchurch was heckled with cries of “rubbish” from other Tories.

 

Chope said the Climate Change (Net Zero UK Carbon Account) Bill, should not be simply approved without debate.

 

He has gained a reputation for opposing legislation proposed by backbenchers.

 

In February he opposed a bill that would have aided the prevention of female genital mutilation of children.

 

He also deploying the same blocking tactic to prevent a bill aimed at making upskirting a criminal offence.

 

 

 

[Mudface]

Such a principled man. Not at all an archaic reactionary jobsworth with zero morality or decency.

[Bobby Hundreds]

He wants the country to get warmer so women wear short skirts and he can take pictures of their under crackers.

[Mudface]

Only the ones that have been subjected to FGM.

[Anubis]

Former fireplace salesman Gavin Williamson sacked from his Defence post. Looks like he may have been behind the Huawei leak the other week.

 

 

The prime minister has this evening asked Gavin Williamson to leave the government, having lost confidence in his ability to serve in the role of defence secretary and as a member of her cabinet.

 

The prime minister’s decision has been informed by his conduct surrounding an investigation into the circumstances of the unauthorised disclosure of information from a meeting of the National Security Council. 

 

The prime minister thanks all members of the National Security Council for their full cooperation and candour during the investigation and considers the matter closed.

[moof]

In other words. Gavin, you can go away and shut up

[littletedwest]

He was great comedy value. How the fuck he got into the cabinet is another matter.

[Anubis]

24 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

He was great comedy value. How the fuck he got into the cabinet is another matter.

His nose was up May’s arse. Bit of a loss for her as he was an ally, although it was rumoured he was sniffing around her job.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Democracy inaction.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-northamptonshire-47967416