The GF Handy Hints

[Trumo]

Has Mook posted a picture of his boss peddling Sugar Puffs yet?

[Bobby Hundreds]

Never call a police woman sugar tits. It makes them flustered.

[General Dryness]

Don't wear a chocolate hat. Not just on hot days. Ever.

 

You'll just look a cunt.

[Fowlers God]

Save a bottle of wine from going off by consuming as soon as opened

[Ginny]

Getting well into that Manuka honey.

[General Dryness]

Avoid having your pieces of eight and yo Ho Ho bottles of rum stolen by scurvy dogs simply by not looking like a shit pirate. This clean be achieved by a shave, or at the very least a trim.

[Remmie]

Cut an onion in to fine pieces by using a cheese grater, does the job nice and quick

[setreal]

Never call a police woman sugar tits. It makes them flustered.

 

If a police woman tells you "Anything you say will be held against you" don't say "tits".

[magicrat]

Getting well into that Manuka honey.

Rich cunt,

[Tony Moanero]

Back-heeling yourself in the bollocks is boss.

[Chip Butty]

If you're going to make a pipe bomb, don't use one of these.

 

[Carvalho Diablo]

Don't clean your ears out with a knitting needle.

[Hooch]

If you have a creaking door and you're fresh out of WD40 cos you used it all trying to lubricate your birds minge, just put some honey on the hinge. That's the hinge of the door. Not the minge.

[Lario]

When listening to your favourite music, turn it up to the level you'd like to listen to it at, then turn it down 3 notches.

 

This will prevent your wife from having to do it.

 

 

 

(not mine, but a great handy hint)

 

I'd find my level and turn it up 3 notches.

 

Then when she turns it down, it'll be down to the level I actually want!

 

Stupid cunt.

[thegreatelephant]

try to know when it's best to shut the fuck up

[VladimirIlyich]

If you have a creaking door and you're fresh out of WD40 cos you used it all trying to lubricate your birds minge, just put some honey on the hinge. That's the hinge of the door. Not the minge.

Margarine or butter does same job and isnt sticky.

[Champ]

Margarine or butter does same job and isnt sticky.

 

Or candle wax

[Scooby Dudek]

Never eat another mans' rhubarb

 

Never shit on your own doorstep 

[Evelyn Tentions]

Don't clean your ears out with a knitting needle.

I was told once by a doctor - "Don't put anything in your ear that's smaller than your elbow"

Even if it's smeared with honey.

This would save health services around the world  millions of ENT man hours.

[Jose Jones]

If you have vomited, perhaps due to overdoing it on alcohol the night before, don't brush your teeth straightaway as the acid brought up in the spew will still be around in your gob and get rubbed into your teeth and rot the enamel.

Eat a load of cheese first to neutralise said acid, before then proceeding with the tooth brushing to take away the vomit-cheese breath stink combo.

[Alan Sex]

Never eat another mans' rhubarb

 

Never shit on your own doorstep

 

Never eat another man's shit.

 

Never put rhubarb on your own doorstep.

[Bob]

If you cut your thumb quite severely while distracted by your young daughters shouts from the nearby loo, take the advice of your wife and mother in law and go to a&e.

 

It might seem too trivial to bother the overburdened nhs but it'll save you the annoyance of hearing "I told you so" a week later as well as the nuisance of having to still go to a&e until 1:30 in the morning as well as a follow up the next day with a plastic surgeon at a different hospital and likely avoid having a lump missing from your thumb for the next several months.

 

You'll be most grateful to avoid the "I told you so".

[liverpoolsno9]

If you are over 10m in front of someone, don't hold the door open for them. You're not doing them a favour, you're just making them run.

[Hades]

Never push a person's wheelchair or touch a person's hair without permission. 

[skend04]

If you think someone is a cunt tell them so and walk away. A little bit of awkwardness and anger is better than a lifetime of fake smiles.