The GF Handy Hints

[VladimirIlyich]

In the spirit of the GF turning into mumsnet,you know with a distict shortage of female nudity and more of the recipes and house fixy uppy stuff,I thought I would post a handy hints corner.

 

Here I go.

 

1) To uncork(unseed) an apple without having t treat it like a Mafia victim just use a potato peeler,the long ones,and dig it into the centre of the apple,twist and push and you should have an apple sans the pips and horrible bits that you don't want to eat.

 

2) If your jar or plastic squeezy of honey goes solid and pretty much sets in it's container simply stand it in a jug or pan of hot water and presto it's back to being soft and runny in minutes.

 

If you don't like honey you are a nonce.

[stringvest]

Tampons make excellent party poppers for those who don't like loud noises.

[moof]

Honey is good. It's the only sweetener I use.

[stringvest]

Buy local honey and take a spoonful in the morning to reduce pollen allergies.

[Elite]

Don't shit upside down.

[Total Longo]

In the spirit of the GF turning into mumsnet,you know with a distict shortage of female nudity and more of the recipes and house fixy uppy stuff,I thought I would post a handy hints corner.

 

Here I go.

 

1) To uncork(unseed) an apple without having t treat it like a Mafia victim just use a potato peeler,the long ones,and dig it into the centre of the apple,twist and push and you should have an apple sans the pips and horrible bits that you don't want to eat.

 

2) If your jar or plastic squeezy of honey goes solid and pretty much sets in it's container simply stand it in a jug or pan of hot water and presto it's back to being soft and runny in minutes.

 

If you don't like honey you are a nonce.

 

 

Hardly a "handy hint" this last part....

[PestiRed]

Buy sage honey for tea as it never sets and will not overpower the tea

 

Croatian is ace

[Mook]

I like getting a nice jar of honey & then ramming it as hard as I can up my arse.

[Lee909]

Don't eat yellow snow

[stringvest]

a bit of honey on just about anything before you bake or roast it will be just fabulous.  

 

Except Mooks nought.

[Total Longo]

It should be "soft and runny in minutes" though.

[ZonkoVille77]

I used to call my ex "honey". Turns out she's a cunt.

[Byrnie]

When listening to your favourite music, turn it up to the level you'd like to listen to it at, then turn it down 3 notches.

 

This will prevent your wife from having to do it.

 

 

 

(not mine, but a great handy hint)

[liverpoolsno9]

If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

[liverpoolsno9]

Your shoes will last twice as long if you wear them every other day.

[Jairzinho]

When listening to your favourite music, turn it up to the level you'd like to listen to it at, then turn it down 3 notches.

 

This will prevent your wife from having to do it.

 

 

 

(not mine, but a great handy hint)

 

What the fuck has this got to do with honey?

[PestiRed]

Covering your children's hands in honey makes it easier to keep track of what they've been up to

[stringvest]

Smear honey on the lenses of your glasses so that you can experience what Colin sees on waking up after a night on the scrumpy.

[Elite]

Add Honey to black tea when you have a cough.

[Byrnie]

If you're planning on stealing valuables from a car, don't be deterred if there is noting left lying out on a car seat in plain sight.

There could be valuable goods in the glove compartment, under the seat or in the compartment under the armrest.

[Byrnie]

If you're trying to fuck a girl you like, don't text her when you're sober. Leave her home alone, while you go out with your mates and get plastered drunk.

Then bombard her at 3.30am with texts and phone calls.

[Total Longo]

Don't throw away those red noses after comic relief day, as they make a handy crash helmet for a carrier pigeon. 

[Trumo]

What the fuck has this got to do with honey?

 

As in, "Honey, get yer grubby mits away from the hifi!"

[ZonkoVille77]

I don't want your honey honey, I want your love

[Bjornebye]

Quit jelly donuts by shooting yourself through the roof of your mouth. Preferably on a toilet in a white vest and white boxies.