Family Strife

[Captain Turdseye]

This is even better when you’ve met Tokyo in person. Just the thought of him being that angry makes me laugh. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Haven’t talked to my mother at all since my Uncle Knobhead died. She caused so much shit around that that she was effectively barred from his funeral, her own baby brother. If she’d have turned up there’d have been a queue of people wanting to slap her and I’d have been at the front of it. 
 

She had three younger siblings. Her little sister, my auntie Clare, who was always more of a mum to me, committed suicide in 2008 (my mum caused similar shit around that death and funeral) and our Billy (Knobhead) died last January. That left the two eldest and, to be blunt, the two least pleasant, ones of them still alive. The pair of them are in their mid-fifties now and on the ale every single day. Selfish. Thoughtless. I’ve been joking with other family members that they’re in a race to see who can drink themself to death first, but it’s not really a joke, more an obvious observation. 
 

Found out at the weekend that my uncle is in hospital with liver problems, been in for ten days or so now apparently. I might be up there at the weekend and if he’s still there I’ll probably pop in and see him with a shit balloon and a Chat magazine. I’m nice like that. I’m the eldest of all my sisters and first cousins, set to inherit the title of ‘Head of the Family’ and none of them can or would ever say that I’m not a good example to follow. We can be a better family than our parents had us all be. 

 

If you’d have told me twenty years ago that my mum would be the last one standing, the thought would have been unfathomable. She tried to send money through my sister for my daughter’s birthday a couple of weeks ago. Two weeks after her birthday and despite the fact that they never get so much as text from her. My kids could walk past her in the street today and not know her, it’s been that long. She hasn’t seen them for something like seven or eight years but still has them as her profile picture on Facebook. I told my sister to send the money back and tell my ma to piss off. She’s got my phone number if she’s got anything to say. 
 

I’ve got one good, proper uncle left and he’s not even my blood relative. It’s my Auntie Clare’s widowed husband who I lived with in the years after she died, and before I moved away. I miss him a lot, FaceTime him every week and there’s no way I could ever go back to Liverpool without that being one of my first ports of call. 

[Anubis]

What about the guy who was sending you porn? Not the role model you seek?

[Captain Turdseye]

2 minutes ago, Anubis said:

What about the guy who was sending you porn? Not the role model you seek?

Ha. Unfortunately not. He was at our Billy’s funeral, sat at a table with other extended family that aren’t ’long lost’. I made a point of going around that table, shaking hands, asking how everyone was, etc, and I purposely skipped past him. The friend requests have since dried up. Still only the four accounts pending. 

[Clem H Fandango]

Just done a 180 mile round trip to visit the brother in hospital.

 

Never liked him, never really got on with him but we would help each other out if worst came to worst.

 

His life has been full of lies and deceit, affairs that were common and lives ruined everywhere. seeing him in his hospital bed looking about 8 stone and a shell of a man didn't move me one bit.

 

I'm not sure if its my previous work looking at pictures of murder victims and unwanted pregnancies eaten by wildlife that made me think i couldn't give a fuck. I just no longer have empathy for anyone that chooses a destiny that ends their life or someone else's.

 

He has drank himself to deaths door, carefully hiding his habit even though it was obvious. He refused help on numerous occasions and yet is one smart arsed bastard.

 

Good point was meeting my nieces that i haven't seen for 10 years and they are dealing with it really well, especially after the 21yr old niece is still recovering from leukemia.

 

So, after having liver failure and kidney failure and literally hours/days to live at the age of 56...he managed to get out of bed last night and moan at the nurses about a tube in him, and today he is sitting upright in his bed and responsive! the trouble is that we all believe he is fighting against something that is inevitable and prolonging the situation. 

I'm aware it could be the calm before the storm and to not get my hopes up....the point is i don't have any hopes? i literally dont give a fuck about anyone or anything, but in times of crisis or emergency a switch flicks and im there.

 

Apologies for rambling,.ive had a drink, i dont advocate drink it ruins lives.

 

 

 

 

 

[Anubis]

That's a lot for your family to carry. You'd like to think that if he could get past this it would be a life altering experience, but who knows. You would also have thought his daughter surviving leukemia would be similar.

[Clem H Fandango]

33 minutes ago, Anubis said:

That's a lot for your family to carry. You'd like to think that if he could get past this it would be a life altering experience, but who knows. You would also have thought his daughter surviving leukemia would be similar.

 

It could well be the leukemia that pushed him over the edge. We are all in agreement that mentally he was in a bad place, There were people in place and family ready to help him but i assume that the alcohol addiction really took its hold over him. For such an intelligent guy to just give up on life i find that part difficult to deal with.

In the meantime its a case of patiently going about my business and waiting for that phone call.

[YorkshireRed]

15 hours ago, Clem H Fandango said:

Just done a 180 mile round trip to visit the brother in hospital.

 

Never liked him, never really got on with him but we would help each other out if worst came to worst.

 

His life has been full of lies and deceit, affairs that were common and lives ruined everywhere. seeing him in his hospital bed looking about 8 stone and a shell of a man didn't move me one bit.

 

I'm not sure if its my previous work looking at pictures of murder victims and unwanted pregnancies eaten by wildlife that made me think i couldn't give a fuck. I just no longer have empathy for anyone that chooses a destiny that ends their life or someone else's.

 

He has drank himself to deaths door, carefully hiding his habit even though it was obvious. He refused help on numerous occasions and yet is one smart arsed bastard.

 

Good point was meeting my nieces that i haven't seen for 10 years and they are dealing with it really well, especially after the 21yr old niece is still recovering from leukemia.

 

So, after having liver failure and kidney failure and literally hours/days to live at the age of 56...he managed to get out of bed last night and moan at the nurses about a tube in him, and today he is sitting upright in his bed and responsive! the trouble is that we all believe he is fighting against something that is inevitable and prolonging the situation. 

I'm aware it could be the calm before the storm and to not get my hopes up....the point is i don't have any hopes? i literally dont give a fuck about anyone or anything, but in times of crisis or emergency a switch flicks and im there.

 

Apologies for rambling,.ive had a drink, i dont advocate drink it ruins lives.

 

 

 

 

 

Your current situations resonates a lot with my own experience of having an alcoholic brother. 
 

It went on for decades, and you do naturally build up defence mechanisms to help you cope. I think we do that with life in general, not just these intense difficulties. 
 

At various times I tried; cutting him out of my life, not thinking about him, shouting at him, tolerating him, hating him, loving him, doing more than I should for him, doing less than I should for him. 
 

I also often used drink and drugs to excess as a way of blocking out the pain somebody was causing me by using drink and drugs to excess.

 

What a fucking idiot. 
 

He was also to quote you, “a smart arsed bastard”. In part, that’s because he was a smart arsed bastard, but I also think that alcohol fucks the brain and fuels arrogance and denial.
 

Even when he’d been in a coma for three weeks, he knew better than those caring for him. When only his ill health saved him from prison, he knew better than the barrister that got him off. 
 

Whilst I’m not suggesting for one minute, I know exactly how you feel. I’m not in your head or attuned to the complexities of your relationship with your brother, or the world. What I do know is how much the death of my brother has affected me since he passed. Some ways I expected, some catch me off guard in ways I couldn’t have imagined. 
 

We had all known for years, that his early death (he died aged 49) was inevitable. When the moment came I think I thought it would be easier because I’d had so long to prepare for it. It wasn’t, it hasn’t been.

 

In the end, I was with him when he died. As were his three sisters. He died a ‘good death’ if there is such a thing. Hard as it was I take comfort that I was there was able to love him as he died. None of what happened in the years leading up to it mattered anymore. His addictions made him difficult, so did some of his personality quirks. He was my brother though, and I miss him dearly.

 

Anyway, not trying to preach or give advice. Just sharing.

 

I hope your family can find a positive way through this. There’s always hope, until there’s isn’t anymore. 
 

 

[Elite]

15 hours ago, Clem H Fandango said:

Just done a 180 mile round trip to visit the brother in hospital.

 

Never liked him, never really got on with him but we would help each other out if worst came to worst.

 

His life has been full of lies and deceit, affairs that were common and lives ruined everywhere. seeing him in his hospital bed looking about 8 stone and a shell of a man didn't move me one bit.

 

I'm not sure if its my previous work looking at pictures of murder victims and unwanted pregnancies eaten by wildlife that made me think i couldn't give a fuck. I just no longer have empathy for anyone that chooses a destiny that ends their life or someone else's.

 

He has drank himself to deaths door, carefully hiding his habit even though it was obvious. He refused help on numerous occasions and yet is one smart arsed bastard.

 

Good point was meeting my nieces that i haven't seen for 10 years and they are dealing with it really well, especially after the 21yr old niece is still recovering from leukemia.

 

So, after having liver failure and kidney failure and literally hours/days to live at the age of 56...he managed to get out of bed last night and moan at the nurses about a tube in him, and today he is sitting upright in his bed and responsive! the trouble is that we all believe he is fighting against something that is inevitable and prolonging the situation. 

I'm aware it could be the calm before the storm and to not get my hopes up....the point is i don't have any hopes? i literally dont give a fuck about anyone or anything, but in times of crisis or emergency a switch flicks and im there.

 

Apologies for rambling,.ive had a drink, i dont advocate drink it ruins lives.

 

 

 

 

 

What work did you do to see that type of stuff?

 

Police?

[Clem H Fandango]

4 minutes ago, Elite said:

What work did you do to see that type of stuff?

 

Police?

Kinda.

 

i used to run a print department for Hampshire county council and i would get all manner of jobs from the police to do and had to have special vetting.

One of the jobs was preparing images for court aswell as the court case files. Being as it was always sensitive and graphic in nature it was only me that would be dealing with it, i wouldn't have expected my staff to as they were a bit snowflakey.

[YorkshireRed]

My brother would have been 50 today. It’s also my mother’s birthday.

 

There were five kids, four are still around, but he was the apple of her eye. Addiction eroded that over many years. 
 

As she gets older, and her Parkinson’s takes more and more of a grip, I think she struggles to acknowledge his place in her life. This upsets me sometimes, but I know she is a frightened elderly lady, who just can’t let those feelings in.

 

Not sure any of us have made good with what happened, but today I really hope he found some peace. Wherever he is.

 

Happy Birthday Little Brother. I’m sorry. 

[Total Longo]

Reading through this thread, sometimes you just don't realise how lucky you are.  My immediate family are fantastic. I lost my auld fella to a stroke 22 years ago and i miss him every single day, My Mum is now 81 and is quite literally fantastic for her age. If i am honest my auld fella passing away gave her a new lease of life, if anything. It does worry me that sooner or later she will start to slow down, but until that happens she can do what she wants and more power to her. My older brother is gay and him and his partner are two of the most laid back people you will ever meet, I love them both dearly. There are issues with other family members, alcoholic cousins etc. but frankly, that doesn't concern me hugely. The Mrs' family, now that is a whole new discussion, that could rival some of the stuff @Section_31 said early on, but i'll save that for the next time i need to rant. 

 

My heart goes out to the majority of the people in this thread, it really does. 

 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

9 hours ago, Total Longo said:

Reading through this thread, sometimes you just don't realise how lucky you are.  My immediate family are fantastic. I lost my auld fella to a stroke 22 years ago and i miss him every single day, My Mum is now 81 and is quite literally fantastic for her age. If i am honest my auld fella passing away gave her a new lease of life, if anything. It does worry me that sooner or later she will start to slow down, but until that happens she can do what she wants and more power to her. My older brother is gay and him and his partner are two of the most laid back people you will ever meet, I love them both dearly. There are issues with other family members, alcoholic cousins etc. but frankly, that doesn't concern me hugely. The Mrs' family, now that is a whole new discussion, that could rival some of the stuff @Section_31 said early on, but i'll save that for the next time i need to rant. 

 

My heart goes out to the majority of the people in this thread, it really does. 

 

 

My Mum is 85 this year and since my Dad passed in 2018 she has been really good for her age,barring the inevitable stuff like poor hearing and some dottiness! I too worry that somebody this old and who has been incredibly healthy for most of her life (her own Mum lived to 94) will suddenly run out of gas and it will effect her massively given her incredible independence. 

'Better to burn out than simply fade away' I suppose.