Someone's having a real laugh - shitcoat to Utd.

[Ronnie Whelan]

A mass brawl involving all players, subs and management, which incites violence on the terraces, leading to stiff prison sentences for all involved.

 

Seems reasonable compared to the usual request for an asteroid strike. How about it Big Guy?

What about a punch up between sir bobby and levy?

[Boss]

I'd like United to lose to a 94th minute bullet header from Harry Kane after playing 10 men behind the ball for the entire game, with 35% possession stats and registering one shot on target.

 

Then i'd like Mourinho to come out and attack Woodward for not giving him £200m worth of new players. Then throw both of his £30m centre backs under the bus. Insult Pogba's agent for destabilising the club. Attack the press for also destabilising the club, but then simultaneously urge them to put pressure on Woodward. And then finally compare himself to Ferguson in the late 80's - implying that the whole squad needs a overhaul after half a billion spent. And then with zero irony whatsoever claim we are buying the league.

[TheHowieLama]

At least you are realistic 

[Oh Buoy]

I'd just like him to stick around. I feel like the Maureen Bus of Happiness has only just got going.

 

They should come out with a 5-year deal to appease and United the fanbase.

[Joey8FrogsLegs]

I'd like United to lose to a 94th minute bullet header from Harry Kane after playing 10 men behind the ball for the entire game, with 35% possession stats and registering one shot on target.

 

Then i'd like Mourinho to come out and attack Woodward for not giving him £200m worth of new players. Then throw both of his £30m centre backs under the bus. Insult Pogba's agent for destabilising the club. Attack the press for also destabilising the club, but then simultaneously urge them to put pressure on Woodward. And then finally compare himself to Ferguson in the late 80's - implying that the whole squad needs a overhaul after half a billion spent. And then with zero irony whatsoever claim we are buying the league.

I could live with this.

[TheBitch]

I think this could be as fruitful as the Moyes era, I loved that but it was all over too fast.

I want this one to drag out longer.

[Ne Moe Imya]

I'd just like him to stick around. I feel like the Maureen Bus of Happiness has only just got going.

 

They should come out with a 5-year deal to appease and United the fanbase.

 

We laugh but they did almost precisely this last winter. Mourinho must have been pissing himself when they offered him a new deal, as if he'd ever see it out!

 

If I were him the only thing I would have been telling my agent while he was negotiating that extension was to ensure that the payoff when I was sacked was as large as possible, since it was a virtual certainty that's how it would end up.

[scudger99]

I think this could be as fruitful as the Moyes era, I loved that but it was all over too fast.

I want this one to drag out longer.

This.

I want it to feel like a life sentence for those cunts.  Virtually all the Manc fans that I know were appalled after that Brighton performance, and they know what we're liable to do to the same team come Saturday which makes them even more miserable. 

That Brighton game was the straw that broke the camel's back for a couple of them, they want him gone ASAP while the season is still salvageable.  I'm praying to the football gods that they keep him there at least until the end of the season and that the festering becomes a full blown infection.  And all the time they're watching us disappear over the horizon, which is the icing on the cake.

[Johnlj]

Give it Giggsy.

[Harry Squatter]

We basically want him there to create as much mayhem as possible so when the new manager comes in he has to deal with a massive mess that takes ages to sort out.

 

A manc in work keeps moaning about Woodward not backing him but I told him to stop moaning because Mourinho has had 400m to spend but just goes out and buys the first person who comes into his head. He started moaning that Mourinho gave him a list of 5 players to buy and he didn't buy any of them.

 

It's quite satisfying watching him up in arms when he's laughed about me moaning about FSG being tight bastards in the past and constantly laughing about our fan base. They are also planning a banner to be flown against Woodward when they play Spurs at the weekend.

 

He had a dig a few years back about the ticket price protest but I quickly slapped him down about their shit green and gold scarves sold in the club shop. Also him saying to everyone he was done with the club due to the Glazers and going to watch FC Manchester United or whatever the fuck they were called. He soon did a massive U turn when they won the league and Champions League in 2008.

 

Also said Man Utd would sell out during a fuel crisis and train strike but is regularly flogging tickets for below face value on his Facebook and Twitter accounts. He had 5 for a game in the Europa League against Anderlecht and couldn't even give them away.

[clangers]

Turgid 0-0 on Monday would do for me, both of our rivals dropping points leaving the manc's still unhappy. If Spurs won and won comfortably I could see it completely unraveling and him departing. Luckily it's Spurs so we know what to expect.

[littletedwest]

I want him to stay for a while. Win the odd match just so they think he's turned a corner until one day they realise they are a sixth placed club with an over 30's squad and a crippling wage bill.

[littletedwest]

Just been on red cafe. Some of them are on about boycotting them on social media, the firebrands.

[Paul]

They should fuck him off and go all out for Pochettino, even allowing for Levy’s inevitable hard ball tactics over releasing him - they’ve got the money, after all.

 

They won’t though. They’ll let this drag on and then hire Zidane as he’s an available big name, without realising that what they really need is a fundamental strategic overhaul of the entire club. They are stuck in “sticking plaster” mode and it’s fucking great to see.

 

They may well be insured agsinst complete disaster by their financial might, but in footballing terms, they’re fucked for a minimum of three years at the level they’re used to being at, and potentially much more as they continue to throw good money after bad in the transfer market.

[Ginny]

I reckon when they profits are announced for this year and next I wouldn’t be surprised if they are still making more and more each year. This is all the Glazers and their shareholders will care about. Until that starts to plateau or drop then I don’t think they are arsed about what’s happening on the pitch all that much.

 

I work for a company that year on year has made a 15% profit for the last 5 years. The CEO and the board couldn’t give a shit that the operational side of the business is toxic and the whole fucking place is dysfunctional. They don’t care that the I.T department is like the Wild West and every cunt is stabbing each other in the back and the politics are toxic. They just know they are making profit and thats all they care about until it stops.

[El Rojo]

They should fuck him off and go all out for Pochettino, even allowing for Levy’s inevitable hard ball tactics over releasing him - they’ve got the money, after all.

 

They won’t though. They’ll let this drag on and then hire Zidane as he’s an available big name, without realising that what they really need is a fundamental strategic overhaul of the entire club. They are stuck in “sticking plaster” mode and it’s fucking great to see.

 

They may well be insured agsinst complete disaster by their financial might, but in footballing terms, they’re fucked for a minimum of three years at the level they’re used to being at, and potentially much more as they continue to throw good money after bad in the transfer market.

 

Good and hopefully prescient post.

 

I'd rather Zidane took over than than Simeone or Pochettino.

[The Golden Eel]

They should fuck him off and go all out for Pochettino, even allowing for Levy’s inevitable hard ball tactics over releasing him - they’ve got the money, after all.

 

They won’t though. They’ll let this drag on and then hire Zidane as he’s an available big name, without realising that what they really need is a fundamental strategic overhaul of the entire club. They are stuck in “sticking plaster” mode and it’s fucking great to see.

 

They may well be insured agsinst complete disaster by their financial might, but in footballing terms, they’re fucked for a minimum of three years at the level they’re used to being at, and potentially much more as they continue to throw good money after bad in the transfer market.

 

I think the penny is close to dropping on this, if it hasn't already. They actually started off on this path of trying to appoint a longer-term manager when they appointed Moyes. Unfortunately for them, it was Moyes. I reckon they will get Pochettino in next to be honest.

[scudger99]

Just been on red cafe. Some of them are on about boycotting them on social media, the firebrands.

That'll learn 'em.

[Mcfaggen]

They won’t though. They’ll let this drag on and then hire Zidane as he’s an available big name, without realising that what they really need is a fundamental strategic overhaul of the entire club. They are stuck in “sticking plaster” mode and it’s fucking great to see.

 

I don't really bother watching Spanish Football. Obviously I know that Zidane has a superb record in the European Cup as a manager, but they were rocky enough defensively in patches in that, certainly the Semi Final was a horror show. 

 

Would Zidane really solve their defensive problems? He might free up the shackles on attack, but would he make the champion material? 

[Jenson]

For the first time I can’t decide if I want them to loose the next game. Maybe a draw against Spurs would be good. If they loose I’m worried they may sack him, and I want him there as long as possible.

 

Negged for using "loose"

 

I can, I want them to lose. They aren't sacking him off the back of poor early season form and I want to have as many points between us and them asap.

 

Repped for using "lose"

[deiseach]

Just been on red cafe. Some of them are on about boycotting them on social media, the firebrands.

 

You mock, but I'm certain the bigwigs at Mlily, the official global mattress and pillow partner of Mancester United, won't rest until the fans are placated and they are restored to their rightful place following Mlily on Instagram. Vive la révolution!

[The Guest]

They just stumble from one mess to the next and it’s great. They keep making decisions that look good on paper but to anyone with any genuine objectivity they are an accident waiting to happen.

 

It started with Moyes. The fan base and clearly the club as well had convinced themselves that they were a club that backed managers, had patience and wanted longevity. All this was based on the fact they’d had Ferguson who pretty much gave them sustained success for over 20 years. To anyone with any sense hiring Moyes was laughable. It wasn’t the fact he hadn’t won anything. He was at Everton and done well with the resources he had. The issue was that he wasn’t a positive forward thinking manager. Anyone watching his football could tell you it was looking dated and was not the direction the game was going in.

 

Hiring Van Gaal after him and throwing money at anything that moved was the next plan. If you read any of the comical shit from the United media and fans at the time the narrative was that the success at Barcelona under Guardiola was down to the foundations that Van Gaal had left. A few games into his first season you could see how laughable that was.

 

Again getting an experienced hand in sounds good on paper but in reality his football was dated and he didn’t have the experience of managing the grind of the premier league. This time he clearly wasn’t brought in as a long term option so what was the point? Klopp and Guardiola didn’t have that experience either but they were both brought in for the long haul and were undoubtedly going to be given time. They scraped over the line into the champions league simply because of the sheer money they’d thrown at players but they were never going to win the league doing it.

 

Mourinho really was the piece de resistance though. The collective cock sucking amongst their fans when he was hired was expected and they call us deluded. He would be different at United we were told. This club won’t stand for his bratty behaviour and negative football. He will change because he has to.

 

They’re still stuck in this mode of not wanting to fire a manager too early because “it’s no the way they do things” which means this situation is going to run and run. As we’ve seen with Mourinho time and time again these situations never turn around. It’s just a matter of time and how much damage he can do. He’s already got Pogba and Martial wanting out and an over the hill Sanchez on about 500 grand a week. With football having moved on from Chelsea’s golden era where they could just outbid for players and poach other teams players and also having Klopp and Guardiola in the league it’s less and less likely that they will be able to do a Chelsea and get a manager in for the occasional one off season where they just pull it together and win the league.

 

I don’t see many options for them that don’t end in a predictable mediocrity. Pochettino I think is their best bet but he’s tied in to Spurs for a while.

[Manny]

They should fuck him off and go all out for Pochettino, even allowing for Levy’s inevitable hard ball tactics over releasing him - they’ve got the money, after all.

 

They won’t though. They’ll let this drag on and then hire Zidane as he’s an available big name, without realising that what they really need is a fundamental strategic overhaul of the entire club. They are stuck in “sticking plaster” mode and it’s fucking great to see.

 

They may well be insured agsinst complete disaster by their financial might, but in footballing terms, they’re fucked for a minimum of three years at the level they’re used to being at, and potentially much more as they continue to throw good money after bad in the transfer market.

 

Yep. They're reminding me a little bit of us in the early 90s: trying to maintain the approach that worked when they were on top without realising that they need to change the approach as they're no longer on top. When Ferguson was there, there was a fundamental direction to the club that meant the summer was spent adding the odd top player or integrating a couple of youngsters, keeping things fresh and the rump of the quality squad hungry and on their toes. That's not what they need anymore - they need to accept they're not the top dogs any more and look to overhaul their squad with younger, hungrier players. But they won't.

 

I actually think the club hierarchy don't give a shit about them not winning the PL title. They've long since cottoned on to the fact that they're a money-printing machine and will be as long as they remain relevant, much as Real Madrid did through all their (comparatively) lean years in the 90s and 00s: by cementing their status as Hype FC, linking themselves with all the top talent, making a mega-money signing here and there and having the superagents close to the club to help make the noise. That keeps them in the news, it keeps the 12 year olds in the Far East buzzing about them on Twitter and as long as that happens, the cash registers keep ringing and the turnover stays high enough to service the debt, pay a few dividends and chuck the rest at another agent.

 

Mourinho and that model fit like a glove, but the longer they go without the PL title (5 years and counting now), like us it'll make the shirt heavier, the emotions higher and the league harder to win. I've long accepted they're too big to disappear and become a total irrelevance, but every year that passes makes me more confident that those 25 fucking awful years of their absolute dominance are gone for good.

[sir roger]

I can't be the only one worrying about the triumphalism on here about United's demise surely.

 

We are talking about a team that took 4 points off us and finished 6 points above us last season , and despite the chunnerings of the manager, are a squad full of good players and only two games into the season.

[Ginny]

I’m far from writing them off... very far! Wouldn’t be surprised if these cunts finished above us again this season.