Buying a house

[M_B]

1: Get a solicitor for the conveyancing. Preferably a good one. Avoid the cheap online ones - they are just brokers who will find you a local solicitor.

 

2: Arrange for a survey. Make sure your surveyor is chartered.

 

3: Make sure your mortgage has been approved in principle if you need one. If you have done that already then let them know you are proceeding with a purchase.

[redheart]

Oh and the property market is on the verge of another correction.

 

The number of mortgage applications has dropped through the floor

[Rico1304]

Drive around the area at different times and look up crime reports.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Buy a house next to a hot swedish 19yo nymphomaniac woman with a heart of gold.

 

Then bum her mum.

[lifetime fan]

My mate has just bought a new place. The cunt.

 

 

 

 

 

[Rico1304]

That's lovely.

[lifetime fan]

To be fair to the prick it's fucking lush, all the land you can see in the pics is his too.

 

His missus has three stables out the back, they've two Scottish deer hounds that have their own sofa!

 

And I thought I was a fucking soft touch.

[The Woolster]

Yes, constantly chase your solicitor.  If they're always on the phone to people like you they'll get the job done much faster.  

 

Yes, constantly chase your solicitor, because they will never pick up or respond to your calls so you'll have no choice if you want to find out what the fuck is going on...

[Pureblood]

Think of me as a chef.  You're in a nice restaurant looking forward to a tasty meal.  You wouldn't want to insult the chef, would you?  You'd end up with jizz in your soup.

[Stu Monty]

Think of me as a chef.  You're in a nice restaurant looking forward to a tasty meal.  You wouldn't want to insult the chef, would you?  You'd end up with jizz in your soup.

 

In this analogy you are already jizzing in the soup.

 

Someone is stood there asking for you to stop jizzing in their soup and you are telling them to sit down or you will jizz in their soup some more.

[Pureblood]

Right.  So the way to get someone onside is to constantly harass them.

 

So if for example I instruct a surveyor, an architect or an accountant is it okay for me to pester them every day, say up to ten times per day, until they've finished the job?  

[Karl_b]

You say it like that doesn't happen. Clients, who needs 'em?!

[stringvest]

Treat them with the disrespect they deserve.  Charlatans.

[Pureblood]

You say it like that doesn't happen. Clients, who needs 'em?!

 

Hah. Does it happen as much?  I wouldn't have thought it's as time sensitive but I'm speculating. 

 

Going back to the soup analogy, I don't even have the ingredients yet and you fuckers are expecting a gastric sensation.  

[Lucky Pierre]

Survey back. Signs of a slightly shoddy damp course that has left a few gaps and in need of an air brick. No recent leccy certificate. I'll email the estate agent to ask them to look into it but recommended next steps after that? I knew there'd be something to do with damp, it's a 100+ year old house.

 

Tom, thanks for the offer but already instructed the week before last, sorry. Your mate would probably have had me in the place by now.

[Rico1304]

Survey back. Signs of a slightly shoddy damp course that has left a few gaps and in need of an air brick. No recent leccy certificate. I'll email the estate agent to ask them to look into it but recommended next steps after that? I knew there'd be something to do with damp, it's a 100+ year old house.

 

Tom, thanks for the offer but already instructed the week before last, sorry. Your mate would probably have had me in the place by now.

Ask the estate agent what it is EXACTLY that they do. Then grab the lapel of his topman suit and punch him really fucking hard in the face.

[stringvest]

Ask the estate agent what it is EXACTLY that they do. Then grab the lapel of his topman suit and punch him really fucking hard in the face.

 

 

Anything to do with house purchases - estate agents, conveyancing, registry checks etc - could and should be automated and offered through a  £2.99 app.  These witless cunts should be working in Debenhams.  Not that there's anything wrong with working in Debenhams, mind.  

 

It is the clearest example of money for old rope in this country.  I have no truck with the useless cunts. 

[Hades]

Anything to do with house purchases - estate agents, conveyancing, registry checks etc - could and should be automated and offered through a  £2.99 app.  These witless cunts should be working in Debenhams.  Not that there's anything wrong with working in Debenhams, mind.  

 

It is the clearest example of money for old rope in this country.  I have no truck with the useless cunts. 

 

Have to deal with them every day at work. Pointless middle men. 

[Mook]

Anything to do with house purchases - estate agents, conveyancing, registry checks etc - could and should be automated and offered through a  £2.99 app.  These witless cunts should be working in Debenhams.  Not that there's anything wrong with working in Debenhams, mind.  

 

It is the clearest example of money for old rope in this country.  I have no truck with the useless cunts. 

 

This is probably the most sense I've ever seen on the internet anywhere.

 

I've bought my house now & I'll be there until I die, fuck pissing money like that away again, bunch of shysters.

[lifetime fan]

Anything to do with house purchases - estate agents, conveyancing, registry checks etc - could and should be automated and offered through a £2.99 app. These witless cunts should be working in Debenhams. Not that there's anything wrong with working in Debenhams, mind.

 

It is the clearest example of money for old rope in this country. I have no truck with the useless cunts.

Fucking failed car salesmen.

[Rico1304]

Have to deal with them every day at work. Pointless middle men.

 

I'd love it if you were an estate agent, it'd be up there with Tooth being the queen's doorman.

[stringvest]

I'd love it if you were an estate agent, it'd be up there with Tooth being the queen's doorman.

 

 

haha!

[Karl_b]

Hah. Does it happen as much? I wouldn't have thought it's as time sensitive but I'm speculating.

 

Going back to the soup analogy, I don't even have the ingredients yet and you fuckers are expecting a gastric sensation.

Probably not quite as bad but it's an industry where timescales can be ridiculous and clients unrealistic.

 

To the main topic, we're in the process of moving and I can't decided if I'm being an arse or not over the sale of our house. The survey has shown a few superficial things to be fixed and the buyer wants money off the agreed price. The main sticking point is the roof; it's old and had a few repairs but structurally sound and doesn't leak at all. It's reaching the end of it's life and the vendor wants us to take the cost of replacement off the value. I think they're trying it on so I've said no. It's a recommendation not a requirement and the price we listed at reflects that it's an old, imperfect house. They haven't even had a quote for the work, just expect me to knock about £5k off.

[Lucky Pierre]

Probably not quite as bad but it's an industry where timescales can be ridiculous and clients unrealistic.

 

To the main topic, we're in the process of moving and I can't decided if I'm being an arse or not over the sale of our house. The survey has shown a few superficial things to be fixed and the buyer wants money off the agreed price. The main sticking point is the roof; it's old and had a few repairs but structurally sound and doesn't leak at all. It's reaching the end of it's life and the vendor wants us to take the cost of replacement off the value. I think they're trying it on so I've said no. It's a recommendation not a requirement and the price we listed at reflects that it's an old, imperfect house. They haven't even had a quote for the work, just expect me to knock about £5k off.

Now I don't think I'm being a knob about mine - I've had some advice from a builder about the damp and they say from what it says in the survey I shouldn't be worried.

 

However I'm asking them to get the electrics certified and show me proof they've had the boiler looked at under their British Gas cover recently.

 

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[Trumo]

Some bloke has sold a mansion worth £850,000 for just £2, yet he's delighted with the deal. Why? Because he raffled it off by selling half a million raffle tickets at £2 a pop.

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-40950357/the-845000-mansion-sold-for-just-2