Buying a house

[Lucky Pierre]

I've just had an offer accepted on a house. The GF has helped me in many a path through my adulthood, so I welcome any advice that you lot may have between now and inviting Liverpool Lad around for a Peroni.

 

Offer accepted today so I'll be looking to instruct solicitors etc in the next day or so. I'd like a quick sale if possible. Over to you, GF.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Keep both houses. Use current one for the mistress.

 

/thread

 

Also, congrats.

[Dave D]

You selling also or 1st time buy?

[Lucky Pierre]

1st time buyer, no mistress. I've been told all the birds start gushing when they find out you've got a house.

 

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[lifetime fan]

Don't use Ocean.

[Bjornebye]

I've just had an offer accepted on a house. The GF has helped me in many a path through my adulthood, so I welcome any advice that you lot may have between now and inviting Liverpool Lad around for a Peroni.

 

Offer accepted today so I'll be looking to instruct solicitors etc in the next day or so. I'd like a quick sale if possible. Over to you, GF.

 

 

[Dr Nowt]

Don't invite Mark round if his friends with the dog are in tow, you'll end up on the floor while it reclines on your sofa.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Get used to having every spare penny you have taken by an unforeseen household repair

[General Dryness]

Don't use Ocean.

[Dr Nowt]

 

Don't use Ocean.

Yeah, I found that when the going got tough they just fucked off.

 

Which, frankly, is not what I was led to believe in advance.

[Hooch]

Jot down the day of the week the bin men come.

 

Do research on the local window cleaners, make a list of pro's and cons for each. Is one of them called Ste? That's a pro.

 

Assert your territory by placing cones or a stepladder in front of the house to ensure everyone knows that's your parking spec. If you haven't got a car even better.

 

Get one of those stickers for the window that tells salespeople to fuck off.

 

Nominate a man draw in the kitchen early. Place things like drawing pins, pens, spare scissors, aland keys and sewing kits in there. This will come in good use for any combs you get out of Christmas crackers.

 

Maybe purchase some incense candles to odourise the house a bit. Or just bake some bread and let the smell emenate by leaving the oven door open afterwards.

 

Also Trust a trader are pretty good for any odd jobs need doing.

[Pureblood]

 I'd like a quick sale if possible.

 

Have patience, Padawan.  It's not like buying a packet of crisps.

[Dave D]

If the vendors are looking to buy also they may not have started seriously searching until now (having accepted an offer)

 

We considered the possibility of moving and have accepted offers on our house on more than one occasion, only to be unable to find anywhere that we wanted to buy.

 

The biggest issue we came across was the pushy estate agent trying to shoehorn us out the house as we'd accepted an offer, practically demanding we sell up and rent temporarily if need be to secure the sale, so he could pocket his commission.

 

If you really want the house Id be as patient as you can practically be, if it's starts dragging on for a month or two, request another viewing- the seller will see this as you possibly re-considering and will not want to re-market with an offer on the table.

 

It's all very much subject to differing circumstances, but it does seem to be a sellers market due to lack of houses on the market

[Lucky Pierre]

The sellers are going through a divorce - he has left already and she is moving out once sold, no chain.

 

There seem to be a fair few of the same type of house for sale over here, for a first time buyer there are a range of differing qualities as long as you know you've got a pretty old house in the area.

 

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[Mook]

Get some lube for your bank account because a solicitors firm are about to gang rape the fucking thing.

[Pureblood]

The sellers are going through a divorce - he has left already and she is moving out once sold, no chain.

 

There seem to be a fair few of the same type of house for sale over here, for a first time buyer there are a range of differing qualities as long as you know you've got a pretty old house in the area.

 

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The estate agent told you this, right?  In reality he hates her guts and will delay everything by being a twat about signing papers.  In about four weeks no chain will suddenly become she has a purchase which has to complete on the same day.  The seller of that property is also buying a house but the probate hasn't come through yet so that one faces potentially long delays.

 

Just putting it out there. 

[Stu Monty]

Piss under the floorboards in every room to ward off bad juju.

 

Also, do what I did and have the lad doing up your house get the police to tow a neigbour's car away before you've even moved in.

[Lucky Pierre]

Jot down the day of the week the bin men come.

 

Do research on the local window cleaners, make a list of pro's and cons for each. Is one of them called Ste? That's a pro.

 

Assert your territory by placing cones or a stepladder in front of the house to ensure everyone knows that's your parking spec. If you haven't got a car even better.

 

Get one of those stickers for the window that tells salespeople to fuck off.

 

Nominate a man draw in the kitchen early. Place things like drawing pins, pens, spare scissors, aland keys and sewing kits in there. This will come in good use for any combs you get out of Christmas crackers.

 

Maybe purchase some incense candles to odourise the house a bit. Or just bake some bread and let the smell emenate by leaving the oven door open afterwards.

 

Also Trust a trader are pretty good for any odd jobs need doing.

Each one of your points seems both serious and satirical at the same time.

 

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[Dave D]

The sellers are going through a divorce - he has left already and she is moving out once sold, no chain. There seem to be a fair few of the same type of house for sale over here, for a first time buyer there are a range of differing qualities as long as you know you've got a pretty old house in the area. Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk

 

Sounds like it should be fairly straightforward but as others point out, often estate agent talk doesn't translate fully.

 

Our situation was crazy- accepted offer on house, 5 year old just accepted into good local school, couldn't find anywhere we liked, buyer then posts hand written letter through door offering a further £5000 in cash to speed things up.

 

Money wise it made all the sense in the world but we just couldn't find anywhere to buy.

 

Sounds as though you'll be fine given the circumstances, good luck and make sure they leave the carpets.

 

And the lightbulbs

[Lucky Pierre]

Sounds like it should be fairly straightforward but as others point out, often estate agent talk doesn't translate fully.

 

Our situation was crazy- accepted offer on house, 5 year old just accepted into good local school, couldn't find anywhere we liked, buyer then posts hand written letter through door offering a further £5000 in cash to speed things up.

 

Money wise it made all the sense in the world but we just couldn't find anywhere to buy.

 

Sounds as though you'll be fine given the circumstances, good luck and make sure they leave the carpets.

 

And the lightbulbs

Carpets and wooden floors are stated as being left. Light bulbs are a rarity in Birkenhead anyway so I'm not really missing out if they take them.

 

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[RJ Fan club]

Chase your legal people,

 

Save, save, save... It will cost you more than you think? Every tin costs when buying/moving

 

Get decent insurance, I'm flooded out at the moment, a decent provider has saved us much trouble and moolah. Accidents happen, even to you, as a building owner cheap insurance will fuck you up

 

Get your loan to value ratio down if you can, that's where the decent rates are

 

If you come into cash in the future, consider paying off, 10k might save you 40k over the term, few investment will pay that

 

Depending on the house, you may want a decent survey. Unlikely you'll need a full survey, but homebuyers might be the thing

 

Bore people at dinner parties with your equity

 

Check the sex offenders register, you don't wanna be burned out the first night

 

Always buy a house with both an upstairs and downstairs karzhi, a fucking godsend and time saver

[lifetime fan]

Chase your solicitors daily and don't be afraid to report them for being incompetent when they take forever.

 

Ended up getting a £500 'apology' to get me to stop taking my complaint to the ombudsman.

[Pureblood]

Yes, constantly chase your solicitor.  If they're always on the phone to people like you they'll get the job done much faster.  

[RobbieOR]

Just don't invite Mark over if you can help it.

[Tom R]

If you don't have a solicitor yet let me know and I'll put you in touch with my mate, Pete. He's fucking BRILLIANT. 

 

he's done our last couple in less than 4 weeks from offer to move date.