Quantcast
The Garth Crooks Wisdom Thread - FF - Football Forum - The Liverpool Way Jump to content
3 Stacks

The Garth Crooks Wisdom Thread

Recommended Posts

I think it is safe to say that Garth Crooks OBE is the best football pundit there is. This thread will serve to showcase his best work.

 

Team of the week: August 3rd

 

On Wes MorganIt was only "a bit of a push" that led to Wes Morgan's winning goal against Southampton, said former Manchester United goalkeeper Peter Schmeichel. It was a clear push and referee Michael Oliver should have seen it.

 

Similarly, Southampton were entitled to a penalty when Sadio Mane rounded Kasper Schmeichel only to see Foxes full-back Danny Simpson clear the ball off the line with his arm. At this point, Leicester should have been down to 10 men. Two major calls have put Leicester City in an unprecedented position - but you can't blame Morgan or Simpson for that.

 

 

On Morgan and HuthRobert Huth and his accomplice Captain Morgan are like two towering infernos.

 

 

On CoutinhoNo wonder Mauricio Pochettino punched the turf in despair at the final whistle. The Spurs manager knew all about Coutinho from his time with him at Espanyol but he still could not stop the Brazilian from putting an enormous dent in Tottenham's title challenge.

 

On BournemouthThe conceding of three goals in 18 minutes suggests that Bournemouth are psychologically shot to pieces having achieved the monumental tally of 38 points in the Premier League. Frankly, I'm not surprised.

 

Stay tuned for more weekly installments.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it is safe to say that Garth Crooks OBE is the best football pundit there is. This thread will serve to showcase his best work.

 

Team of the week: August 3rd

 

On Wes Morgan - It was only "a bit of a push" that led to Wes Morgan's winning goal against Southampton, said former Manchester United goalkeeper Peter Schmeichel. It was a clear push and referee Michael Oliver should have seen it.

Similarly, Southampton were entitled to a penalty when Sadio Mane rounded Kasper Schmeichel only to see Foxes full-back Danny Simpson clear the ball off the line with his arm. At this point, Leicester should have been down to 10 men. Two major calls have put Leicester City in an unprecedented position - but you can't blame Morgan or Simpson for that.

 

 

On Morgan and Huth - Robert Huth and his accomplice Captain Morgan are like two towering infernos.

 

 

On Coutinho - No wonder Mauricio Pochettino punched the turf in despair at the final whistle. The Spurs manager knew all about Coutinho from his time with him at Espanyol but he still could not stop the Brazilian from putting an enormous dent in Tottenham's title challenge.

 

On Bournemouth - The conceding of three goals in 18 minutes suggests that Bournemouth are psychologically shot to pieces having achieved the monumental tally of 38 points in the Premier League. Frankly, I'm not surprised.

 

Stay tuned for more weekly installments.

If you're going to a big Tesco

Be sure to wear a flower in your hair

 

If you're going to a big Tesco

You're gonna meet some cuntish people there

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe I've said this before, but I genuinely think that there is a possibility that Garth Crooks is mentally handicapped and everyone at the BBC is afraid to say anything.  He comes out with the most ridiculous nonsense on a regular basis.

 

This week he says this:

 

What was no more than a routine infringement at best by Cheikhou Kouyate suddenly constituted a sending-off. Aston Villa defender Alan Hutton's tackle on Chelsea midfielder Loftus-Cheek was reckless and deserved to see a second yellow card but Kouyate's tackle on Palace striker Dwight Gayle deserved nothing more than a sharp rebuke.

 

The fact that Kouyate went into the tackle showing his laces and Hutton with his studs showing is enough to tell referees all they need to know about what is dangerous and what is not. 

 

Which, though terribly worded, doesn't seem that crazy until you realise that this is his reasoning for why Payet should be in his team of the week.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From a couple of years back:

 

"I was speaking to my uncle Ben on Saturday and said that Aaron Ramsey was almost certain to be the unanimous choice for footballer of the year. He took the glass of champagne out of my hand and said: 'You mean Wayne Rooney, don't you?' I told him that he had made a very good point and promptly went home."

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From a couple of years back:

 

"I was speaking to my uncle Ben on Saturday and said that Aaron Ramsey was almost certain to be the unanimous choice for footballer of the year. He took the glass of champagne out of my hand and said: 'You mean Wayne Rooney, don't you?' I told him that he had made a very good point and promptly went home."

 

Racist.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When Manchester City striker Emmanuel Adebayor scored against Arsenal last season, and rather childishly ran the length of the pitch to cavort in front of his former club's fans, BBC Final Score pundit Garth Crooks was one of the few people in the country to realise that fans of the Gunners weren't actually contractually obliged to subsequently riot. "He can celebrate in any way he wants," opined Crooks, eschewing the big people-pleasing story in favour of reason. Mark Bright disagreed, calling Adebayor out for being unprofessional. Crooks's response was majestic. "Was you breaking Andy Linighan's nose with an elbow in the 1993 FA Cup final professional," he asked, before adding an overly chummy, majestically supercilious, and all-in-italics "Brighty???"

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ridiculous buffoon he may well be but I would take him all day long over some of the agenda driven spastics like Tyldesley, Tyler, Hoddle and Townsend or dickheads like Pearce and Darke At least he is good for laugh which is more than can be said for the rest. Oh and he was right about Mike Dean

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I should have added that he is carrying the flame for the lost lamented madcap Icke. All power to Lord Garth the Prince of mentalists 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Can't wait to hear his words of wisdom in the summer at the Euros. Saying that I always turn the channel over or go the offy at half time for more beer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ridiculous buffoon he may well be but I would take him all day long over some of the agenda driven spastics like Tyldesley, Tyler, Hoddle and Townsend or dickheads like Pearce and Darke At least he is good for laugh which is more than can be said for the rest. Oh and he was right about Mike Dean

Agree. Mentalists are far less irritating than moderately intelligent people who think they know it all.
  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Agree. Mentalists are far less irritating than moderately intelligent people who think they know it all.

think i get this. subtle. but i am confused into where JP would fit into this? so something to ponder there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

think i get this. subtle. but i am confused into where JP would fit into this? so something to ponder there.

Hardly subtle.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

can't be all as razor sharp as your good self so thank you for your input. i'll file that accordingly

Here all week.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A few of his greatest hits:

 

on Bellerin - What a goal from the teenager. Arsenal have had some great left-backs in their time but I can't remember Kenny Sansom or Ashley Cole producing such cultured finishing during their time at Highbury.

 

on Martial - If Martial is bright he will do exactly what Wayne Rooney tells him and forge a relationship with his captain as soon as possible - a point that seems to have been lost on fellow new signing Memphis Depay. Do what Rooney says, listen to what he says, and don't try to be an overnight sensation, there's plenty of time for that. You've had a great start now let Rooney and those boys around you make you a star.

 

on Charlie Adam - Left foot, right foot, they are all destined for the back of the net having been struck by Charlie Adam. It doesn't seem to matter where he is on the pitch. Once he lines himself up and gets the goal in his sights, goalkeepers beware.

 

on Adrian - This gentlemen has had a wonderful season for West Ham.

 

 

And probably the greatest piece of football analysis i've ever read:

 

on Ander Herrera - Herrera is very fortunate to have such an accommodating captain like Wayne Rooney, who has waited patiently for him and other new arrivals to come to terms with Louis Van Gaal's new system, often to Rooney's detriment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I reckon he lives on his own, practicing his interview techniques to a hat and coat stand which he has named Wayne and using a carrot as a microphone.

What about Garth Crooks?

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×