The Garth Crooks Wisdom Thread

[Reckoner]

Can someone who knows how to do the YouTube thing find the clip when he compares a player to a cobra and Lee Dixon tries not to laugh.

 

Edit -found it

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uD6V2xFwpps

[col06]

[Ne Moe Imya]

 

This is absolutely extraordinary.  It's absolutely impossible to fathom a context for that remark that makes any kind of sense at all.

 

I like this one, it's like he's a 12-year old who doesn't understand that his job is to be a presenter at all.  He's actually watching the game instead of paying any attention to what the other panelists are talking about!

 

[3 Stacks]

Garth's Team of the Week April 10th

 

First of all, he's put Jason Puncheon in defensive midfield. Classic Crooksy

 

On Puncheon - The finish left Puncheon emotional and understandably so. After all, he has had a season disrupted by injury and misfortune. However, I cannot for the life of me understand how referee Michael Oliver never gave Norwich a penalty when Damien Delaney completely flattened Matt Jarvis in the area. I haven't seen anything quite so blatant for years.

 

On Iwobi - Amid all the hullaballoo about Arsenal missing yet another opportunity to wrestle the title from Leicester's grasp, I want to know how the FA could have allowed this prodigious talent, who played for the England Under-19s, to fall into the hands of Nigeria.

The Super Eagles have failed, yet again, to qualify for the Africa Cup of Nations and now Roy Hodgson can't even add this lad to the other exciting prospects for the European Championship. We really can't afford to let talent like this slip through our fingers.

 

On Carroll - It was his first league start for the Hammers since January but Carroll not only put a massive dent in Arsenal's title challenge, but also left bodies in golden shirts strewn everywhere. By the end of the match, both of Arsenal's centre-backs looked as if they'd gone three rounds with Anthony Joshua. The West Ham centre forward absolutely destroyed them. The question now is: Can Arsenal recover?

 

Not as many quotables this week. Hopefully Crooksy can regain some form next week.

[Reckoner]

'Amid all the hullabaloo '. 'I cannot for the life of me' 'bodies in golden shirts' . If he wore a t shirt saying ' I may be black but I'm well educated and from a middle class background' it would be more subtle. On the back it would say 'the question is- are you threatened?'

 

I enjoyed Saturday's Final Score, he went on a rant about arsenal, saying they 'threw away the title today' (?) then about 2 minutes later was asked about Tottenham. 'Ah but look...don't discount Arsenal yet, Leicester still have to go to the liberty....' (???). I've no idea.

[3 Stacks]

Garth's Team of the Week April 17th

 

On Heurelho Gomes - I wasn't sure whether Berahino's bravado had got the better of him and, if so, one of Albion's senior players should have spotted it and saved him from himself.

Baggies manager Tony Pulis was bullish in his post-match interview when he stated that the incident will make his striker even stronger and better prepare him for the next penalty. Well, Pulis should think long and hard about that one. It's fine to show a public face in order to keep the precocious Berahino onside, but if you persevere with such attitudes it might cost your team even more points.

 

Picks Gomes as his keeper of the week but 2 out of the 3 paragraphs are about Berahino.

 

On Funes Mori - If Everton fans insist that money can't buy John Stones, they may also want to consider what it might take to keep Funes Mori at Goodison Park.

 

On Cresswell - He has a left foot to die for.

 

On Cattermole - The push into the advertising boards by Robbie Brady on DeAndre Yedlin was bad enough, but it was the reaction of Norwich's players that followed which left me breathless. 

 

On Borini - I love striking partnerships and I know Big Sam tends to be more cautious away from home, but Fabio Borini and Jermain Defoe's performance at Carrow Road may be the start of a beautiful friendship.

 

On Bolasie - There was something ominous about Palace's defensive performance against Arsenal and, if Bolasie is on top of his game, they will be more than a match for Watford at Wembley.

 

On Aguero - Already BBC pundits have selected their candidates for this year's award and not one of them has even mentioned Ageuro. All the credit seems to have gone to Leicester duo Riyad Mahrez and Jamie Vardy, or Tottenham's Harry Kane, none of whom are in the Argentine's class. How strange because that is probably the one area we all agree.

 

What the hell does his last sentence even mean?

 

Safe to say Crooksy is back to his ramblin' best this week.

[3 Stacks]

Crooksy is back and he hasn't missed a beat.

 

On Luke Shaw: Against Bournemouth he played his way into the game brilliantly without trying to prove any points.

 

That was apparently good enough to be in his team of the week.

 

On Bailly: I can't remember the last time I saw a defender not give the ball away throughout the entire 90 minutes.

 

On Valencia: I suspect that for all of Mourinho's multi-million pound signings, it is Valencia - bought by Sir Alex Ferguson seven years ago - who might well prove to be one of his most important players.

 

On Man City: Manchester City's game against Sunderland on Saturday started like a scene from "The Big Sleep" and almost turned into a nightmare!

 

On Mike Phelan: He seems to have done miracles with the players at his disposal.

 

After one game.

 

On Redmond: His movement away from the ball was sensational and reminded me of Sunderland striker Jermain Defoe at his best.

 

On Ibrahimovic: For years, I wondered what the fuss was all about with Ibrahimovic. 

 

And finally the kicker;

 

On Klopp and Moreno: If he keeps Alberto Moreno in the team, he can forget the top four - he'll get relegated.

 

Just mental.

[Carvalho Diablo]

A one man walking advert for TV licence fee abolition and post-coital abortion.

 

And he looks like Nookie Bear.

[magicrat]

He has a point where Moreno is concerned !

 

He's just a massive tit. No-one in their right mind takes any notice of his mental ramblings, I actually find him comical in very small doses, Anyway there are far worse bellends than Crooks to worry about, Tyler, Smith , Darke, Pearce, Townsend, Hoddle, Chiles. All of them ahead of Crooks in the shoot a football pundit competition 

[manwiththestick]

Well he's clearly a massive spacker isn't he?

[Lee909]

Who Crooks or Moreno

[magicrat]

Who Crooks or Moreno

Both but Crooks was a better footballer than Moreno will ever be

[Carvalho Diablo]

Crooks is the Raheem Sterling of broadcasting.

[Winston Wolf]

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Crooks just doesn't have his eyes on the ball 50% of the time. 

[The Golden Eel]

"It’s all very well boss Mauricio Pochettino insisting Spurs were the better side, but it’s Chelsea who took all the points and were laughing all the way back to SW6."

[ZonkoVille77]

I truly believe that Homer Simpson is permanently camped inside the mother lobe of this spacker.

[cloggypop]

http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/row-zed/garth-crooks-team-week-plumbs-9394627

[Guest Pistonbroke]

As the Poll at the bottom suggests, the man is an absolute loon, and imo a massive cunt. 

[KMD7]

What a guy

[ZonkoVille77]

A jibbering cockwomble

[Carvalho Diablo]

Nookie bear on smack.

[Trumo]

Hoofwanking bunglecunt.

[Walter Sobchak]

From his team of the week column on the Beeb.

 

He's deranged.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Lee909]

Yeah cause Clyne-Matip-Lovren and Milner is so far worse than Simpson-Morgan-Huth and Fuchs