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Premier League Round Up (Mar 19-20 2016)

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That was a shitty weekend and a half that. I should be sat here writing about how bad Man City have become and that we’re breathing down their necks for that fourth spot, but instead it’s United and West Ham who are putting the most heat on their neighbours and who are in pole position to take advantage of it.
 
West Ham dropped two points on Saturday when they conceded a late, late equaliser at Chelsea. Disappointing as that must have been for them, as it turns out that point they earned doesn’t look too bad now and they’ve got as good a chance as anyone of getting fourth now.
 
That’s the last thing we need though. We don’t need them becoming the new Chelsea or City, but that could easily happen seeing as how they’re being gift wrapped a spanking brand new state of the art stadium free of charge and will suddenly be an attractive purchase for some rich dickhead. Them having Champions League football would make it ten times worse as they'll be able to attract players who aren't just in it for the money.
 
It’s not just us that needs to worry about that though, it effects all the big hitters, including Chelsea. They can’t just dismiss this as a freak bad season and assume they’ll be back in the top four next season, but I’ve seen loads of pundits just taking it for granted that “normal service” will be resumed for them. On what basis? The thing is, it’s not like they’ve had a severe injury crisis or something that caused them to struggle, there’s no obvious reason for how shit they’ve been so why should that change next year? 
 
West Ham outplayed them, and if they had held on for the win it wouldn’t have even been much of an upset as the Hammers are better than Chelsea at the moment. It’s not even close, the league table isn't lying.
 
Lanzini had put them ahead with a lovely strike but Fabregas equalised with a free-kick on the stroke of half time. Big Andy came on as a sub and scored with his first touch, although it was a terrible finish, scuffed and right at the keeper who should have done better. The kind of crap finish Darren Bent made an entire career out of.
 
Fabregas levelled with a controversial last minute penalty after a foul that was clearly outside the box. Better Call Slav wasn’t happy in his post match interview. He had the look of a man who’d slept at his desk all night and had to skip “breakfast” because he’d polished off what was left of his scotch the night before, and now he’s got to go and defend some scumbag loser who he knows is guilty as shit, but he’s got no chance of winning anyway because the judge in charge of the case hates him because he once ran over his cat. 
 
But I digress. You know who’s shit? Oscar, that’s who. I’ve been saying it for years but now I don’t think there’s even any debate. Is there anyone out there who still thinks this chinless dweeb is any good? Being picked for Brazil doesn't make you a top player, I actually have no idea anymore what their criteria is for selecting their team. Not since Fred and Jo were getting regular games anyway. If I were a Brazilian footy player I'd probably go by an old school name like Stan or Alf, as that seems to be the best route into the squad.

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The last person to strut around the Midlands stylin' and profilin' was Mark 'The Mack' Morrison. That was 20 years ago after his return, although hardly anybody had realised he'd even gone away.

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The last person to strut around the Midlands stylin' and profilin' was Mark 'The Mack' Morrison. That was 20 years ago after his return, although hardly anybody had realised he'd even gone away.

 

"Return of the Mack" sits alongside "She drives me crazy" as one of those songs it's impossible to sing along to in a normal voice. You have to sing it in a stupid voice, it's unavoidable.

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"Return of the Mack" sits alongside "She drives me crazy" as one of those songs it's impossible to sing along to in a normal voice. You have to sing it in a stupid voice, it's unavoidable.

 

Or 'Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm', which you have to do as though you're Tourettes-afflicted like that guy on Youtube. I'm laughing just thinking about it. "Once, there was this FUCKING! kid who..."

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"Return of the Mack" sits alongside "She drives me crazy" as one of those songs it's impossible to sing along to in a normal voice. You have to sing it in a stupid voice, it's unavoidable.

In the Ghetto, Don't leave me this way (Communards), Stayin' Alive...

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I totally angree on Oscar, I've never fancied him. Chelsea reportedly rejected a £57,5 million bid for him from China this january. If that's true then that might be a bigger transfer mistake than anyone we've ever made. I would even have accepted £20 million if I'd been Chelsea.

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I coach a football team.  Last season one of the opposition parents went into a big rant after the game, and I intervened by asking him to leave the field of play.  He went mad, so I calmly told him he was embarrassing himself.  He's a television personality so he thinks everyone knows him and he's great and knows everything about football.  He doesn't.

 

He also hosts a radio talk show, and apparently on the Monday he went on a rant about me and my club.  All lies.

 

When he got his mobile phone out and started trying to provoke a reaction out of my team saying, "Go on, boys, you'll be on Youtube tomorrow" they just started laughing to themselves.

 

I said, "Mate, you're a grown man.  Look at yourself."  Funnily, the video, which would have featured boys shaking hands and looking bewildered, then a pan to me shaking my head, didn't make it onto the Internet.

 

The secret of success in these situations is calmness.

 

Two days later he's ranting on live radio.

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