Bullshit stories about players

[littletedwest 2,284]

I know we have a thread about definitely true stories about football players.and they are all true but what bullshit stories have you heard?

When I was 16 every Manchester United fan I knew said that roy keane was well hard, so hard he boxed professionaly, of course now the Internet cuts that down a bit.

I also know that some taxi drivers of a certain team know it all , any additions?

[SlugTrail 1,154]

John the lionheart Terry is not a racist or a cunt.

[Kevin D 7,412]

The constant rumours about how many children Raheem Sterling has, were truly pathetic.

[Paco 1,214]

Ince threw an irish youth team player out of "his" shower "get the fuck out of my shower paddy".

 

Roy Keane heard this and went in and beat the fuck out of Ince who was then sold to Inter.

[ZonkoVille77 5,444]

Mark Lawrenson was known for being sound.

[Arl arse 7,038]

Adam Johnson is definitely looking forward to his first shower at one of her Majesty's finest establishments.

[Doctor Troy 10,155]

Some Evertonian in my old local said he had a film of Ronnie Whelan, Steve mcmahon and Steve Nicol sitting in a pub snorting coke. He never managed to show anyone the video even about 6 or 7 years after they stopped playing for liverpool

[chauncey 92]

Every single one about Cristiano Ronaldo's latest "girlfriend"

[AngryofTuebrook 17,868]

Some Evertonian in my old local said he had a film of Ronnie Whelan, Steve mcmahon and Steve Nicol sitting in a pub snorting coke. He never managed to show anyone the video even about 6 or 7 years after they stopped playing for liverpool

It's obligatory that every single Liverpool player has definitely, absolutely, no-word-of-a-lie, swear-down, been spotted snorting coke.

[AngryofTuebrook 17,868]

I also love the way Suarez bit Chiellini as a way to force a move out of Liverpool.

 

How is that supposed to work, exactly?

[Bjornebye 24,871]

Stanley Matthews escaped from Belsen. 

[chauncey 92]

Stanley Matthews escaped from Belsen. 

 

That story is actually true, except it was Franny Jeffers.

[AngryofTuebrook 17,868]

Franny Jeffers was signed by Arsenal for £7m.  Arsene Wenger lavished praise on his new signing.

[TheHowieLama 10,727]

Cruyff was a smoker

[KMD7 7,198]

Some Evertonian in my old local said he had a film of Ronnie Whelan, Steve mcmahon and Steve Nicol sitting in a pub snorting coke. He never managed to show anyone the video even about 6 or 7 years after they stopped playing for liverpool

Ha ha brilliant. I knew you'd have some great ones!

[Doctor Troy 10,155]

Duncan Fergus on used to drink in the Pacific pub in Bootle and used to get wasted there on his days off.

 

On one occasion he helped the landlady of the pub move the barrels into the cellar whilst he was recovering from a hernia operation. The landlady wouldn't open up until one of the barmen turned up as the barrels were too heavy for her to move. So in order to get a drink Big Dunc moved them. Why he was drinking in a rougharse pub in Bootle when he lived out by Ormskirk has never been explained.

[littletedwest 2,284]

Some Evertonian in my old local said he had a film of Ronnie Whelan, Steve mcmahon and Steve Nicol sitting in a pub snorting coke. He never managed to show anyone the video even about 6 or 7 years after they stopped playing for liverpool

In them days camcorders were size of tanks. Must have been wasted miss that.

[Doctor Troy 10,155]

Ha. He said he hid it under his coat. Why he took a massive camcorder to the pub on the off chance that there might be some liverpool players snorting coke is just none of my business.

[cloggypop 10,894]

The manc lad I know who has two Victoria Crosses yet isn't dead reckons he has video footage from an Amsterdam brothel that shows John O'Shea wearing a blonde Shirley Temple style wig getting shagged up the arse.

[Trumo 13,942]

Duncan Fergus on used to drink in the Pacific pub in Bootle and used to get wasted there on his days off.

 

On one occasion he helped the landlady of the pub move the barrels into the cellar whilst he was recovering from a hernia operation. The landlady wouldn't open up until one of the barmen turned up as the barrels were too heavy for her to move. So in order to get a drink Big Dunc moved them. Why he was drinking in a rougharse pub in Bootle when he lived out by Ormskirk has never been explained.

 

Maybe he's got the same homing instincts as his pigeons.

[Reckoner 1,143]

Michael Owens bond with the kop was legondary, he often used to drink in the Albert after games to talk about his horses.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA 7,859]

A certain ex Liverpool player when getting his first sponsorship had his arl fella selling a certain brand of clothing he got free in pubs within pissing distance of Anfield.

Two other Liverpool legends noted for their drinking exploits were seperated because of it apparently and one was sold. Both had good careers. Maybe it was just an excuse used to sell one but they both were heavy on the sauce, and one still is, regular in town.

All 3 were top players.

[sir roger 5,688]

Emile Heskey & other LFC players did a charity advert for Radio City & he actually read out the words ' Insert name here ' on his first take.

[AngryofTuebrook 17,868]

Emile Heskey & other LFC players did a charity advert for Radio City & he actually read out the words ' Insert name here ' on his first take.

I hope that's true.

 

Almost as funny as John Terry's James Brown moment during his trial.

[Kloppite 276]

Duncan Fergus on used to drink in the Pacific pub in Bootle and used to get wasted there on his days off.

 

On one occasion he helped the landlady of the pub move the barrels into the cellar whilst he was recovering from a hernia operation. The landlady wouldn't open up until one of the barmen turned up as the barrels were too heavy for her to move. So in order to get a drink Big Dunc moved them. Why he was drinking in a rougharse pub in Bootle when he lived out by Ormskirk has never been explained.

I got told he lived in formby and was a regular in one of the watering holes or I may be mistaking him for razor.