Premier League Round Up (Dec 12-14 2015)

[tlw content]

The Premier League is nuts this year and it’s virtually impossible to predict what’s going to happen from week to week. Ok, Leicester winning and Aston Villa losing is easy enough to call, but other than everything is up in the air.
 
Last weekend was crazy, with virtually all our rivals dropping points only for us to follow suit by crapping the bed at Newcastle, and this weekend was almost as mad, but not quite. United lost. Spurs lost. Chelsea lost. Everton drew. City almost, almost drew. And then we couldn’t beat West fucking Brom.

Arsenal won though, the bastards. But then they were playing Villa so that was as sure as night following day. I’ll get to that later and go in chronological order. Assuming chronological means the order in which they took place. I'll be honest, I don’t actually know what it means but I figured it would make me sound more intelligent, but then I had second thoughts about it in case I’d used it out of context and made myself look like a tool.

Anyway, the early game on Saturday was a strange one. Everton absolutely webbed Norwich everywhere in the first half at Carrow Road but only had a 1-0 lead to show for it. I almost switched off in disgust at half time as Norwich were that bad, but then Alex Neil made a substitution at the break and they equalised within minutes and should have gone on to win it, only for Cameron Jerome to produce of the worst misses of the season so far, the fucking Championship level bum.

The substitution that turned the game was a little worrying from our point of view. Andre Wisdom got hooked and the lad they brought on (Ryan Bennett) shut down Lukaku and also made the equaliser. Can’t see Andre seeing much action over the next few weeks now after this. Tell you what though, Wisdom’s head is fucking MASSIVE, he's like a Corinthian Micro Star figure. How have I not noticed this before? I’m usually right on the ball with this kind of thing.

Like the way I was right onto Deulefeu and shit floppy hair. I told you all last week I hate that cunt, and I hate him even more after this. He was hit on the head by a full back’s gloved hand and started screaming like he’d been set on fire. He was right next to the pitchside microphone so everyone watching on TV got onto it, although the scream was so loud they could have heard him in Ipswich. So, so embarrassing. At least it would be if these fellas had any shame whatsoever, but they don’t. They think this shit is acceptable. What a fucking fanny. The derby will be a right “cunt off” as Moreno is just as bad to be fair, he’s another screamer. Some proper shitbags in Spain isn’t there? Luckily for them they also have Xabi and his “stamping off a broken ankle” badass behaviour to redress the balance.

Finally on this one, John Ruddy isn’t playing, but get this, his replacement is called Rudd. How mad is that? We need to sign a back up called Mignole. In fact fuck that, we need to sign Mignolete…. See what I did there?

This is only a teaser, click here to view the full article

 

Please note that Round Ups are only available to website subscribers. Subscriptions cost just £2 a month (you need to register first) and can be purchased here. If you are not currently registered on the site, sign up for free and receive a one month FREE no obligation trial subscription, which gives you access to all the members only content for one month.

[Frank Dacey]

Spot on use of 'chronological'. Excellent comparison of Ferguson and Father Jack, too.

[Tj hooker]

Absolutely brilliant love reading these every week.

[Russ Atmosphere]

My favourite football player's noggin used to be Marlon Harewood. It wasn't the most gigantic melon you've ever seen rather it was the compactness of his facial features. It looked like you could fit his whole face, eyes, nose and mouth, on a stamp, thus leaving the rest of his mush a bit bare.

 

[dave u]

Ah Marvellous Marlon, for a few months he was ace.

 

Can't believe Chelsea done me in like that by sacking Mourinho literally minutes after I posted this.

[Erik T]

That's why we hate Chelsea though, isn't it? They always find some way to annoy us, even if it's sacking Mourinho. Bet they'll get rid of Terry next.

[RedHeadedRed]

Did he really say that about the time wasting Jesus Christ he is un-fucking-believable, well he's got plenty of time to waste now the poisonous cunt.

[Herp McDerp]

Ah Marvellous Marlon, for a few months he was ace.

 

Can't believe Chelsea done me in like that by sacking Mourinho literally minutes after I posted this.

 

You need yourself some ITK's, would prevent such egg on face moments.

[razor]

Cameron Jerome to produce of the worst misses of the season so far, the fucking Championship level bum.

 

I know his cousin.  He and his whole family are Liverpool fans.  When he scored that screamer winner at Anfield a few years ago, he celebrated then stopped dead in his tracks: his dad and uncles were in the ground and would be waiting for him.

[Ipplfc]

Fantastic that from start to finish,thought lukakus miss in the first half was worse than jeromes and merited a mention,wouldn't it be great if abramovich brought Rafa back.the special cunt will probably end up at old toilet sooner or later