Jump to content
  • Sign up for free and receive a month's subscription

    You are viewing this page as a guest. That means you are either a member who has not logged in, or you have not yet registered with us. Signing up for an account only takes a minute and it means you will no longer see this annoying box! It will also allow you to get involved with our friendly(ish!) community and take part in the discussions on our forums. And because we're feeling generous, if you sign up for a free account we will give you a month's free trial access to our subscriber only content with no obligation to commit. Register an account and then send a private message to @dave u and he'll hook you up with a subscription.

Klopp interview / press conference thread


Arl arse
 Share

Recommended Posts

Klopp Chases Dejan Lovren Into Nearby Forest

 

-

 

Manager Jurgen Klopp has wasted no time stamping his authority at his new club. Fifteen minutes into his first training session, the charismatic German reportedly chased under-fire defender Dejan Lovren out of the Melwood facility and into a nearby forest.

 

“Jurgen rolled a simple ball to Dejan,” said vice-captain James Milner. “Dejan’s tried to control it, but the ball’s bobbled off his shin and then he’s volleyed it into his own face.” According to Milner, Klopp went “absolutely ballistic”, charging at Lovren with a branch torn from a nearby tree.

 

Shocked residents were witness to a 3 hour chase through the streets close to Melwood. Lovren occasionally banged on front doors and begged locals for help, but Klopp reportedly threatened to attack anybody who assisted the hapless Croat.

 

The chase only concluded when the pair veered into a small forest overlooking Melwood. “It was terrible,” said hillwalker Patricia Murray (60). “The poor lad’s ran straight into the forest. The man chasing him stopped at the edge and roared that he’ll chop his head off if he ever sees him again.”

 

Milner is circumspect about Klopp’s hardline approach: “Obviously it’s not nice when a teammate gets banished to local woodlands and threatened with decapitation, but the gaffer’s achieved a lot in football. I’m just focusing on my game and looking forward to learning as much as I can from him.”

 

Lovren’s wife Anita has been spotted making trips into the woods with hampers of food and water. It’s thought that it might be many years before the stringy defender can safely return. Local naturist Tom Smart thinks the winter might be particularly challenging. “He can’t be relying on his wife or kids once the weather turns. If he wants to see the Spring, he’ll have to learn quickly how to catch and eat the forest rats.”

 

When asked whether Lovren might one day return, Klopp simply replied “I wouldn’t,” before dragging a single finger across his own neck for emphasis. The PFA have yet to comment.

  • Upvote 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Football press conferences are the most pointless things ever. Didn't watch a single Rodgers press conference, and there is no reason to start now.

 

You don't want to hear about what the new Liverpool manager has to say? One of the most highly rated managers in the world of football becomes our new boss and you don't care for a single word he has to say?

 

Fuck off 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Football press conferences are the most pointless things ever. Didn't watch a single Rodgers press conference, and there is no reason to start now.

I watched the first few Rodgersbollocks conferences but I know what you mean.

Never seen a match won yet in a pressie.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...