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Klopp Kopped.

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Got a song for Klopp, to the tune of Pinky and the Brain.


Jurgen Fucking Klopp

Jurgen Fucking Klopp

He is German and he wanks in a sock

Jurgen Fucking Klopp

Jurgen Fucking Klopp

Jurgen, Jurgen Fucking Klopp,Klopp, Klopp, Klopp, Klopp.


Admittedly it needs a little bit of wank.

Fixed that for you.


Oh wait, you got that in. We're good to go.

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Klopps Top Quotes


Top Jurgen Klopp quotes:

On his appointment at Anfield.

  • “I don’t want to describe myself. I’m a totally normal guy, I came from the Black Forest. I’m the Normal One.”

On his past quotes.

  • “The problem with my life is that I’ve said too much s*** in the past and no-one forgets it.”

On the 2-1 home defeat to Crystal Palace.

  • “I would really like to change my personality but I can’t forget this f***** loss against Crystal Palace.”

On the treatment of young players.

  • “These young players are our future. If we handle them like horses then we get horses.”

On the challenges of competing with Bayern Munich (whilst at Dortmund)

  • “We have a bow and arrow and if we aim well, we can hit the target. The problem is that Bayern has a bazooka. But then Robin Hood was quite successful.”

On Dortmund’s defeat to Bayern Munich in the 2013 Champions League final at Wembley.

  • “The only thing I can say is that it was great. London is the town of the Olympic Games. The weather was good, everything is OK. Only the result is s***.”

On the crucial difference between himself and Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger.

  • “He likes having the ball, playing football, passes. It’s like an orchestra. But it’s a silent song. I like heavy metal.”

On signing Henrikh Mkhitaryan when he was at Borussia Dortmund.

  • “Mkhitaryan fits us like an arse on a bucket. What he offers is exactly what we need.”

On a poor first-half performance.

  • “I told my players during the break: Since we’re here anyway, we might actually play a bit of football.”

When asked by a Schalke fan the secret of winning the Bundesliga.

  • “How do you explain to a blind person what colour is?”

On Bayern Munich’s philosophy.

  • “At the moment, they are like the Chinese in the business world. They look at what others are doing and copy it, just with more money.”

On his wife.

  • “She wrote a book for children. It’s like Harry Potter – but it’s about football. There’s no Harry Potter flying on his f***** stick – just football.”

On Mats Hummels being linked with a summer move to Manchester United in July 2014.

  • “If that’s not a bulls*** story, I’ll eat a broomstick!”

On Hummels again. This time on the defender’s injury woes.

  • We will wait for him like a good wife waiting for her husband who is in jail.”

Klopp touching on the ‘problems’ facing modern footballers.

  • “It doesn’t make it any easier to run your heart out when you’ve just woken up in a five-star hotel. Too much comfort makes you comfortable.

On talking to the British press.

  • “You don’t understand? You should learn. There are some really good German explanations for some problems. But I don’t know how to say it in English.”

Klopp on how he remains discreet when out in public.

  • “In extreme situations, you have to think fast. At one of my mates’ stag parties, we all dressed up as Father Christmas – fully masked.”

On losing Mario Gotze to Bayern.

  • “Gotze has gone because he is Guardiola‘s personal chosen signing and he wants to play with Guardiola, in his style. I can’t make myself 15cm shorter or start speaking Spanish.”

On Shinji Kagawa’s role at Manchester United.

  • “Shinji Kagawa is one of the best players in the world and he now plays 20 minutes at Manchester United – on the left wing. My heart breaks. Really, I have tears in my eyes. Central midfield is Shinji’s best role. He’s an offensive midfielder with one of the best noses for goal I ever saw.”

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They've given him power absolute.

and hes still not going out and buying higuain gotze hector and everyone else people think he should be buying. the plan is the plan it seems. chilwell etc

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Guest Numero Veinticinco

Absolutely.  That's why Benitez signed one with H&G.

He signed one to get more power. I'm not sure anything at all can be derived from it. He certainly doesn't seem to have a huge issue.

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Much as I love Suarez if we're to have only one world-class operator at the club, I'd rather it be the manager. Still can't believe we have him. Wouldn't swap him for any other person in football right now. 

  • Upvote 3

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Loved the quote the other day saying about one of his Bundesliga titles with Dortmund ,


I always said that to the press that I wasn't interested what the other teams were doing but in reality I was watching every Leverkusen game screaming ' Lose lose lose '

  • Upvote 1

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