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Klopp Kopped.


thompsonsnose
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Got a song for Klopp, to the tune of Pinky and the Brain.

 

Jurgen Fucking Klopp

Jurgen Fucking Klopp

He is German and he wanks in a sock

Jurgen Fucking Klopp

Jurgen Fucking Klopp

Jurgen, Jurgen Fucking Klopp,Klopp, Klopp, Klopp, Klopp.

 

Admittedly it needs a little bit of wank.

Fixed that for you.

 

Oh wait, you got that in. We're good to go.

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  • 1 month later...

Klopps Top Quotes

 

Top Jurgen Klopp quotes:

On his appointment at Anfield.

  • “I don’t want to describe myself. I’m a totally normal guy, I came from the Black Forest. I’m the Normal One.”

On his past quotes.

  • “The problem with my life is that I’ve said too much s*** in the past and no-one forgets it.”

On the 2-1 home defeat to Crystal Palace.

  • “I would really like to change my personality but I can’t forget this f***** loss against Crystal Palace.”

On the treatment of young players.

  • “These young players are our future. If we handle them like horses then we get horses.”

On the challenges of competing with Bayern Munich (whilst at Dortmund)

  • “We have a bow and arrow and if we aim well, we can hit the target. The problem is that Bayern has a bazooka. But then Robin Hood was quite successful.”

On Dortmund’s defeat to Bayern Munich in the 2013 Champions League final at Wembley.

  • “The only thing I can say is that it was great. London is the town of the Olympic Games. The weather was good, everything is OK. Only the result is s***.”

On the crucial difference between himself and Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger.

  • “He likes having the ball, playing football, passes. It’s like an orchestra. But it’s a silent song. I like heavy metal.”

On signing Henrikh Mkhitaryan when he was at Borussia Dortmund.

  • “Mkhitaryan fits us like an arse on a bucket. What he offers is exactly what we need.”

On a poor first-half performance.

  • “I told my players during the break: Since we’re here anyway, we might actually play a bit of football.”

When asked by a Schalke fan the secret of winning the Bundesliga.

  • “How do you explain to a blind person what colour is?”

On Bayern Munich’s philosophy.

  • “At the moment, they are like the Chinese in the business world. They look at what others are doing and copy it, just with more money.”

On his wife.

  • “She wrote a book for children. It’s like Harry Potter – but it’s about football. There’s no Harry Potter flying on his f***** stick – just football.”

On Mats Hummels being linked with a summer move to Manchester United in July 2014.

  • “If that’s not a bulls*** story, I’ll eat a broomstick!”

On Hummels again. This time on the defender’s injury woes.

  • We will wait for him like a good wife waiting for her husband who is in jail.”

Klopp touching on the ‘problems’ facing modern footballers.

  • “It doesn’t make it any easier to run your heart out when you’ve just woken up in a five-star hotel. Too much comfort makes you comfortable.

On talking to the British press.

  • “You don’t understand? You should learn. There are some really good German explanations for some problems. But I don’t know how to say it in English.”

Klopp on how he remains discreet when out in public.

  • “In extreme situations, you have to think fast. At one of my mates’ stag parties, we all dressed up as Father Christmas – fully masked.”

On losing Mario Gotze to Bayern.

  • “Gotze has gone because he is Guardiola‘s personal chosen signing and he wants to play with Guardiola, in his style. I can’t make myself 15cm shorter or start speaking Spanish.”

On Shinji Kagawa’s role at Manchester United.

  • “Shinji Kagawa is one of the best players in the world and he now plays 20 minutes at Manchester United – on the left wing. My heart breaks. Really, I have tears in my eyes. Central midfield is Shinji’s best role. He’s an offensive midfielder with one of the best noses for goal I ever saw.”
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Guest Numero Veinticinco

Absolutely.  That's why Benitez signed one with H&G.

He signed one to get more power. I'm not sure anything at all can be derived from it. He certainly doesn't seem to have a huge issue.

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