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WhiskeyJar

Roberto Firmino

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In fairness to lallana and the point about fading around 60 mins every game, the lad gives his all when he is on the pitch.

He has to be the best player in the squad for pressing the opposition

 

If giving his all means offering nothing and getting shouldered off the ball with the absolute minimum amount of effort, yes he gives his all. I don't think he fades either, he's got a heart problem that's why he's always taken off after 60 minutes.

 

It's amazing that Remy failed his medical and Adam Lallana passed his, knowing that he couldn't even play a full 90 minutes for the price we paid.

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Firmino hits hat-trick in Melwood friendly

 

Roberto Firmino scored a hat-trick as a number of Liverpool first-team players clocked up minutes in a behind-closed-doors victory over Welsh outfit TNS at Melwood on Monday.

 

Those who had not featured from the start in the season opener against Stoke City were involved in the practice match today as they continue to build up fitness and sharpness.

 

The Reds line-up claimed a 5-1 win, with summer signing Firmino bagging a treble and Danny Ings – from the penalty spot – and Lazar Markovic also on target.

 

There were starts for Adam Bogdan, Emre Can, Lucas Leiva, Alberto Moreno, Divock Origi, Jordan Rossiter, Mamadou Sakho and Kolo Toure at the training base too.

 

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I'm all in on Firmino, but I must have been watching a different cameo to everyone else on Sunday.

 

I'm not saying he was crap or did anything wrong, but all this stuff about oozing class is a bit much. He hardly touched the ball and a few of the times he did he lost possession relatively easily.

 

I think he'll be ace, I really do, but if that had been the only bit of him I'd seen I'd not be saying so from that alone.

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Lallana would be great working in a must-be-seen-carrying-one-of-their-bags department store, where they over-elaborately gift wrap every individual item you buy separately and there's a queue of dozens snaking round displays and shelves, with their arms full of Christmas presents, tutting but clearly prepared to wait for days if they need to.

 

You wouldn't have him working on a market stall when your competitor opposite employs someone who can bag up 100 bits of veg and fruit in under 5 seconds and goes through customers like Jaws does limbs.

 

I have literally no idea what the fuck any of that means.

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Sorry to be doom and gloom, but I see a massive problem with Firmino. For the songwriters that is. He's too good not to earn a song soon, and it should be different from Coutinho's.

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If giving his all means offering nothing and getting shouldered off the ball with the absolute minimum amount of effort, yes he gives his all. I don't think he fades either, he's got a heart problem that's why he's always taken off after 60 minutes.

 

It's amazing that Remy failed his medical and Adam Lallana passed his, knowing that he couldn't even play a full 90 minutes for the price we paid.

Bit harsh but that's your opinion. I can think of two goals he got last year from pressing defenders or goalkeeper.

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Lallana would be great working in a must-be-seen-carrying-one-of-their-bags department store, where they over-elaborately gift wrap every individual item you buy separately and there's a queue of dozens snaking round displays and shelves, with their arms full of Christmas presents, tutting but clearly prepared to wait for days if they need to.

 

You wouldn't have him working on a market stall when your competitor opposite employs someone who can bag up 100 bits of veg and fruit in under 5 seconds and goes through customers like Jaws does limbs.

 

I have literally no idea what the fuck any of that means.

 

He'd be great working in one of those upmarket chain restaurants where they all dress in the same black and white outfits. I could imagine him taking a pre packaged lamb shank out of the fridge and putting it in the microwave for three minutes, before drizzling some olive oil on the side of the plate in patterns resembling a photosensitive epileptic seizure. He'd be the type of person that refers to it as his 'jus', and when the olive oil goes missing from the kitchen he'd say things like "hey guy's who's misplaced my jus" to which no-one would reply.

 

He'd walk to the diners table coiffing his hair gently with one hand, holding the plate in the other like the sword of excalibur delivered to noble knight of virtue same head, then pull some fresh coriander out of his back pocket and cut it with a pair of thinning scissors like John Frieda before coming back every two minutes throughout the meal asking "is everything alright?".

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He'd be great working in one of those upmarket chain restaurants where they all dress in the same black and white outfits. I could imagine him taking a pre packaged lamb shank out of the fridge and putting it in the microwave for three minutes, before drizzling some olive oil on the side of the plate in patterns resembling a photosensitive epileptic seizure. He'd be the type of person that refers to it as his 'jus', and when the olive oil goes missing from the kitchen he'd say things like "hey guy's who's misplaced my jus" to which no-one would reply.

 

He'd walk to the diners table coiffing his hair gently with one hand, holding the plate in the other like the sword of excalibur delivered to noble knight of virtue same head, then pull some fresh coriander out of his back pocket and cut it with a pair of thinning scissors like John Frieda before coming back every two minutes throughout the meal asking "is everything alright?".

Meanwhile his replacement at Saints, who gets a quarter of his hourly wage, has already served 200 people a square meal and is busy tending a packed bar like an old pro.

 

I actually really like Lallana, but it's certainly becoming something of a worry even for the likes of me who were behind his signing, that there seems to be little evidence he's been brought in to fit a real need in the first team and will help push us on.

 

Starting to realise I may be a twat who's got something wrong on the Internet, which will be a bit crushing so I'll have to turn on him with extra venom forthwith in order to try and style it out.

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He would be brilliant as the fella next to the parking valet who sprints off to get the car.

 

Could only do it from 6 to 7 mind but still brilliant for those 60 minutes.

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He'd be great at promoting skin care products if he wasn't a Mumford and Sons looking sonofabitch!

 

Seriously why choose the beardy one to promote moisturiser. At least big Marty has plenty of flesh to moisten. Moist.

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Meanwhile his replacement at Saints, who gets a quarter of his hourly wage, has already served 200 people a square meal and is busy tending a packed bar like an old pro.

 

I actually really like Lallana, but it's certainly becoming something of a worry even for the likes of me who were behind his signing, that there seems to be little evidence he's been brought in to fit a real need in the first team and will help push us on.

 

Starting to realise I may be a twat who's got something wrong on the Internet, which will be a bit crushing so I'll have to turn on him with extra venom forthwith in order to try and style it out.

 

May i suggest bumping the Lallana thread after he's scored a goal and writing about the cluelessness of his detractors, that seems to be the time honoured tradition of the FF. Strike first, strike decisively and win the internet war.

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May i suggest bumping the Lallana thread after he's scored a goal and writing about the cluelessness of his detractors, that seems to be the time honoured tradition of the FF. Strike first, strike decisively and win the internet war.

 

That only works if you don't post anything supportive of the player in the interim, and later claim you would've, but all the negative people would've shouted you down so there was no point.

 

"Who's calling for the player to be sold now eh? Clueless. Maybe you should all try supporting the club... what's that, he's missed a sitter? See you in three months!"

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Sorry to be doom and gloom, but I see a massive problem with Firmino. For the songwriters that is. He's too good not to earn a song soon, and it should be different from Coutinho's

How about........  

Fir-mi-no,

Robbie Firmi-no-oh

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I've seen enough of Lallana. His only value is in providing the first and second lines in a limerick writing contest:

 

There once was a lad named Lallana

Who slipped on a fucking banana....

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I've seen enough of Lallana. His only value is in providing the first and second lines in a limerick writing contest:

 

There once was a lad named Lallana

Who slipped on a fucking banana....

There once was a lad named Lallana

Who slipped on a fucking banana

He had a cock like a pin,

so incredibly thin,

in fact I think it's a vagina.

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There once was a lad named Lallana

Who slipped on a fucking banana

He caused Reds to bicker

Had a well dodgy ticker

And a beard like Vasco da Gama

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There once was a lad named Lallana


Who had the heart and the guile of a llama


He once cost a lot,


That doesn't matter a jot,


He's not even as good as my nanna.


 


*farts*


 


*runs away*

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