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Premier League Round Up (May 9-11 2015)

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United’s flukey win at Palace combined with our meek draw at Chelsea ended any faint hope we had of sneaking in the back door to fourth spot. It was demoralising seeing our lads having to clap them onto the field as Champions and then be incapable of beating them even when they were completely disinterested. Of course Brendan thought we were outstanding, which in terms of the level we’ve plummeted too since this time last year we probably were.

United’s win was a kick in the balls too. Having taken an early lead through a dubious penalty they were pegged back when Pardew finally realised the error of his ways in leaving out my boy Puncheon. He sent him on as a half time sub and the J-Punch responded with a equaliser 10 minutes later. HE should have had a penalty too. That's my boy that is.

Palace battered United after that but once again De Gea came to their rescue before Screech won it for them with a scrappy late winner they didn’t deserve after a howler by the Palace keeper. Thats been the story of United’s season, getting results they didn’t deserve and De Gea playing like a superhero.

There’s no point even getting worked up about it though. We couldn’t beat West Brom or Palace, so whilst I can’t deny I am a tad miffed about United’s never ending good fortune and of Julian Jabroni gifting them a late winner, my biggest beef is with the Reds for allowing this shit to happen. If we’d taken care of our own business recently then 4th place would still be up for grabs, but we didn’t because unfortunately we’re shite.

It was just a miserable weekend all round for me, capped off by my Chicago Bulls losing to a buzzer beater by LeBron James just a few hours after I’d had to sit through the whole torturous Chelsea debacle. Obviously the depth of feeling I have for the Bulls doesn’t compare to my love of the Redmen, but when Liverpool are shite I’ll often look to teams I follow in other sports to provide a bit of escapism and enjoyment. Unfortunately every time it looks like the Bulls might do that, fucking LeBron James gets in the way. He is to the Bulls what Chelsea have become to Liverpool.

Hey remember when our owners decided to just hand him a piece of our club just because they could? What exactly was the point of that again? What did we get out of it other than a few insincere tweets from him and spanking new headphones for the players?

The part I enjoyed most about that was having fellow Reds giving me shit on twitter for not rooting for him in the playoffs against my Bulls. Apparently I should have dropped my support for a team I’ve followed since the late 80s and switched allegiance to the Miami Heat (and now presumably the Cleveland Cavaliers after LeBron jumped ship - again) because the billionaire wankers who bought our club handed a piece of it to some other billionaire wanker they were trying to impress. And now I have to watch the twat beating my Bulls? Fuck right off.

Still, on the plus side, this morning I managed to open a packet of Warburton's crumpets without using my teeth or scissors. I actually did it with my bare hands, which may not sound like much to the lay person but anyone who has Warburton's crumpets regularly will surely now be muttering in quiet awe: “damn, thats impressive!".

Anyway, after weeks of to’ing and fro’ing and jostling for position, things at the bottom of the Premier League finally became a lot clearer this weekend as the wheat was separated from the chaff, and the chaff separated from the steaming, stinking mess that is QPR.

Burnley and QPR were both relegated but that's where the similarity ends. The Clarets have done themselves proud all season and have been competitive in every game they’ve played. That’s a team that gave their fans and their manager all they had. It was fitting that they went down fighting with a win at fellow strugglers Hull.

A smart finish by the lively Ings proved decisive but Hull were a bit unlucky to be denied by the bar twice and had other chances go begging as well.

Burnley didn’t overspend, they kept faith with the players who got them there and although they’ll lose Ings and maybe one or two others, they should be in good shape to come back up as they’re a well run club. They’ve not been good enough to stay up but they certainly have nothing to be ashamed of.

In contrast, QPR have largely been an embarrassment for the past three or four years and could go into freefall now. The team with the 7th highest wage bill in the Premier League look like finishing bottom and their relegation was secured in fitting style as they surrendered pitifully in a 6-0 loss at Man City. It should have been double that as QPR were that bad. Good riddance to them.

 

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Walters' virtuoso performance actually consisted of 2 own goals, 1 missed penalty and booting the ball into his own face. That one nearly ended up in the back of his own net too.

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Walters' virtuoso performance actually consisted of 2 own goals, 1 missed penalty and booting the ball into his own face. That one nearly ended up in the back of his own net too.

 

I suspected I had that wrong when I typed it, but couldn't be arsed googling it. 

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I suspected I had that wrong when I typed it, but couldn't be arsed googling it. 

 

I like the way you don't look up things, and go solely from memory most of the time. I feel it adds more credibility to the reports, and makes them more enjoyable.

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I like the way you don't look up things, and go solely from memory most of the time. I feel it adds more credibility to the reports, and makes them more enjoyable.

 

I still can't spell the Arsenal or Stoke keeper's names properly even after all these years.

 

 

Ha ha, repped for the crumpet thing. Fucking 'Man of Steel' I thought to myself first time I did it.

 

Funny thing is, I tried to open a packet last night. It didn't even tear a little bit, fucker wouldn't budge at all and I ended up using my teeth as usual. 

 

I reckon I must have just found a faulty packet that time as I've never been able to do it before or since.

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Great stuff, as usual. How biased was Neville on MotD - 'deffo a pen for United, deffo not a pen for Palace'? He did have to, kind of, admit that the United winner came about through a blatant push by Falcao on the defender who stopped the goalie catching an easy cross.

As for the pen - how dishonest of Michael Oliver was that decision? Despite Neville's attempt to justify it with a dodgy graphic, there's no way on Earth he could see clearly if that hit the chest or the top of the arm (even though Neville said it was the forearm!). 

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Neville and Savage as a pair are horrific. I can cope with one or the other, but the two of them on the same show lowers the tone far too much.

 

I was bombarded with texts from my Mackem brother in law about them, he was furious at how much they were up Steve Bruce's arse. Savage actually said that Dawson being forced to go off with a bloody nose when Hull conceded from a set-piece could get them relegated. Nothing to do with the other 37 games or anything like!

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Brilliant, cried laughing at the "Coaches" its like the 4 Yorkshiremen.

Cheered me up after the palace report. 53 years of age and as depressed about this season as any since Souness. The hurt never fades.

But top round up always makes me laugh

cheers

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