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Premier League Round Up (Apr 18-19 2015)

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Chelsea bored United into submission at Stamford Bridge and now need just three wins to clinch the title. Congratulations knobheads, shame no-one gives a fuck. The worst title winning side I can remember, they’re so much less than the sum of their parts because of their anti-football, shitkicker of a manager. United’s last title winning team was bang average but at least they didn’t go out with the intention of spoiling games and relying on one flair player to do his thing.
Mourinho actually had Matic and Zouma as his central midfield pairing, because he wanted to nullify big bogbarush Fellaini. That’s like us going with Lucas and Sakho, it’d never happen (Brendan would prefer to let Fellaini have the freedom to do whatever he likes!). Only Mourinho would pull that crap, at home, against an injury hit United, when his team are well clear at the top of the table. He gets off on this shit, he’d rather win ugly than hammer someone. The ends always justify the means with him. 30% possession at home when you’re playing anyone other than Barcelona is ridiculous, but as he said afterwards “the game went exactly as they planned it”. I believe him too.
I noticed that Fabregas was wearing a mask. I don’t blame him, if I was as talented an attacking player as him I wouldn’t want to be associated with that kind of sterile, shithouse defensive performance either. Maybe Hazard will play with a bag over his head next week. A plastic bag with no air-holes preferably. What, did I go too far?
The game ended in controversy when Herrera wanted a penalty but was booked for simulation. Mike Dean got it right, Herrera didn’t exactly dive but he wasn’t caught by Cahill either, he actually kicked the defender’s leg deliberately to initiate contact. On first viewing I thought it was a pen but it was well spotted by Dean. Can’t help thinking he should have given it though, just for a laugh. Imagine Mourinho’s reaction? 
Dean is a bit of a shithouse really. I doubt he’d have given it even if Cahill had ran him over with a truck (and Cahill’s got some balls on him kicking off on Herrera as I remember him winning a pen earlier this season with a blatant dive, so who the fuck is he to be getting all high and mighty?). It was exactly a year to the day that Dean gave Sunderland a pen that Borini converted in a 2-1 win at the Bridge. Mourinho absolutely hammered him after that, and by not giving Herrera a pen Dean has basically let the scruffy twat make him his bitch now. Stand up for yourself Dean, you baldy headed, beady eyed little Wirral fuck.
United’s line up looked weak as shit on paper yet they completely dominated the game and should have taken something from it. They had a centre back pairing of McNair and Smalling for Fowler’s sake. It’s been the same for most of the season yet their record is pretty good. It proves what I’ve said for ages about our defensive problems though. People often blame the players and say they aren’t good enough, but the centre backs we’ve had over the last three years are streets ahead of those two chumps at United, not to mention those at clubs like Palace and Stoke who were conceding less than us.
The only way Rodgers was able to stop us shipping goals was to play with three centre backs, any time we’ve played with two we’ve looked as wobbly as a jelly on a tumble drier. It’s coaching, not personnel.
The other thing is Falcao. He’s so far out of his comfort zone over here. We’ve seen it before; Shevchenko, Morientes, Soldado, Kezman.. strikers who were great everywhere else they played but shite in England. Somewhat bizarre then that we’re being linked with a summer move for him then (probably by the Star, Metro or Echo, they’re all as bad as each other these days). Yeah, coz FSG are in the habit of paying those kind of wages to ANYONE, let alone a player pushing 30 with a chequered injury history and who has flopped in the Premier League.
Van Gaal didn’t take the defeat very well and his post match interview was so excruciating to watch it was almost Mourinho-like. Not sure what the poor BBC interviewer did to piss him off but it wasn’t pleasant viewing. I’d heard that Van Gaal was an arsehole before he took the United job, but this was the first time I’ve seen it. With only a few weeks of the season left he’s done pretty well to hide it this long.
Phil Neville said on MOTD “I knew it was going to be dull”. Being called dull by Phil fucking Neville?? Congratulations Jose, you’ve outdone yourself this time.


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"Rubber ducks!  Come an' get yer rubber ducks!  Get 'em while you can, ladies and gents!"

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