The GF Parenting Thread

[Champ]

What are people’s opinions on feeding kids.

 

I take it as granted everyone wants to see children eat a healthy balanced diet with of course sweets as a treat.

 

But when it comes to meal times do you make them ‘clear their plate’?

 

Reason I ask is because we had my niece to stay and I was shocked at how different our attitudes were to her and eating.

 

The wife and I both agree on the ‘its okay to not like but not okay to not try’ rule.

 

But I felt Tegan served too big portions and had an attitude of you clear your plate which I didn’t like.

 

As long as Sophie had eaten a variety of the foods on her plate (obviously including salad/veg) and then said she wasn’t hungry anymore I was happy for her to stop eating.

 

I don’t feel comfortable with ‘forcing’ a child to keep eating if they are satiated and can’t see how that promotes a healthy relationship with food for a generation of children with more obesity than ever.

 

Tegan’s view is the same as my parents when I was growing up, I can see not letting a kid leaving their veg and then wanting ice cream for afters etc.

 

But it just makes me feel very uncomfortable.

 

Thoughts?

 

Its amazing how raising kids brings out the differences in parenting styles and how deep rooted these things can be.

 

Re your example, we were pretty similar, we expected them to eat what they were given but if they had had a reasonable amount and then said they were full we didnt push it more than that but there'd be nothing afterwards.

 

The thing we disagreed on was doing jobs around the house. He always thought they should do more around the house whereas I just wasnt that bothered. I'd never really had jobs to do as a kid and I was far happier letting that evolve naturally, getting them to make their beds, keep their rooms tidy but not much more than that. And certainly when school got serious I was far happier seeing them having a bit of downtime away from homework rather than insisting on regular 'chores'.

 

He also thought they should be doing jobs to 'earn' their pocket money where, as had happened to me, we had just been given it so we had some money to buy the things we wanted and learn the value of money and saving and budgetting.

 

Luckily for me, I was the one at home and the more consistent parent and so it pretty much worked to my rules, with just the occasional, 'if I had my way...'

[Captain Turdseye]

I used to be in the ‘if you don’t eat everything you’re given, you won’t be getting any pudding’ camp, but I came to learn that that way is more hassle than it’s worth. You end up with sulky kids, making you feel guilty, spending three quarters of an hour picking at food they don’t want or need, just so they can have a bit of cake or ice cream afterwards.

 

These days if we don’t serve dinner up in the middle of the table in big dishes/bowls, we’ll call the kids into the kitchen when it’s ready and let them decide how much they want while we’re plating up. And whilst I’m not as strict with the ‘no pudding’ rule as I once was, I find most of the time it’s not necessary anyway because they’re perfectly capable of judging for themselves how much they want to eat at any given mealtime.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

In our experience the daughter was far less fussy than the lads, plus it has stayed that way as they got older. Despite being picky we found enough food combinations which they do like, which are all healthy enough in moderation and make sure that they have a variety of things to eat. Both the lads will not touched cooked vegetables but eat uncooked stuff in Salads, so we tend to make a side salad with most meals. I also got used to making something for the lads and a different meal for the missus, our daughter and myself, not all the time mind. We never make them eat everything, as long as they have given it a good go then we are fine with it. After a while you get used to what size portions to  make or serve up for them. I think problems come when parents can't be arsed so they shove 10€ in their kids hands on a daily basis and rely on their children to fend for themselves, lazy fucking bastards. 

[scudger99]

I've got the opposite issue with my lad.  At 14 he's already got bigger feet and waistline than me, and he's my height already.

When it comes to food, he's a fucking dustbin.  He can have a normal sized dinner (wolfing the lot) then 2 hours later he's after crisps and other shite.  He gets pointed in the direction of the fruit bowl when he does that.  My sister says I had the same eating habits at 15-16 but my metabolism (Ferrari paced) meant I never put weight on.

He's a contrary fucker though, claims to not like cheese then guzzles pizza with me on a Saturday night.  He absolutely loves burgers but wouldn't even try beef until Christmas dinner just gone.  At least he acknowledges that McDonalds is utter garbage and won't touch their muck nowadays.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Parents of GF lend me your ear. 

 

On Saturday I picked up ToddleD from the grandfolks and spied her playing with a little plastic rabbit.  For context she is bunny mad, her comforter is a bunny, her coat has bunnies on and 12 months later my half arsed promise of "you can have a bunny when you're ten" has not yet been forgotten.  I assumed that  Nanny and Gangan had bought her it so asked.  Apparently ToddleD had told them that we had bought it, which we didn't as I'd never seen it before in my life.

 

I asked her calmly "ToddleD, where's that Bunny from?" answer was she didn't know "Did you take that from school?"

 

She immediately said she was sorry and broke down crying.  Without, I think, getting angry I explained that she can't take things from school because it's not hers and it's for everyone to play with and that on monday (today) she was going to have to give it back and apologise to the teacher for taking it.  

 

If it was anything other than a bunny I might have given some thought to it being an accidental "put in pocket" situation but knowing how she is with the floppy eared fuckers, and her immediate apology and crumble under interrogation (she is 1/4 French, and it showed) leads me to be conclude it was a deliberate act of thievery.  LadyD made her give it back and apologise this morning and apparently again she was beside herself and over the weekend my folks gave LadyD and I a hard time over not just brushing it under the carpet or laughing it off "oh everyone does it!"

 

She's 3 and a half and bright as a button. The fact she constructed a lie to my folks that we bought the bunny did actually impress me but we both felt this was something we needed to stamp on to make sure she knows what's hers and what is not. 

 

Did we overreact to this?  

[lifetime fan]

Not at all mate. You have to reach right from wrong consistently and constantly.

[lifetime fan]

I do still laugh at my brother being caught by the headmaster when he was in reception with the lolly from the ‘L’ table.

 

He’s stood in the line for break brazenly eating the lolly and when asked where he got the lolly from he just said the ‘L’ table.

[Captain Turdseye]

You’ve done the right thing there, Paulie.

 

From my own experience I’d say LadyD needs to grow a pair and tell her in-laws to mind their own business.

[Paulie Dangerously]

You’ve done the right thing there, Paulie.

 

From my own experience I’d say LadyD needs to grow a pair and tell her in-laws to mind their own business.

 

It was my folks giving us the hard time, even though it was them she directly lied to!! 

[Captain Turdseye]

It was my folks giving us the hard time, even though it was them she directly lied to!!

I got that mate. That’s why I said her in-laws. It was tongue in cheek anyway because my problematic mother-in-law has been well documented on here.

 

Back to the bunny thing, you’re spot on in how you’ve handled it purely because of the little white lie your little girl told. Misbehaving/playing up is going to happen but teaching her not to lie is important.

 

And it’s none of yer ma’s business.

[Champ]

I think you’re giving yourself a hard time, Paulie.

She did wrong, you found her out, you want her to know that what she did is not acceptable and the toy has to go back. End of. And move on

 

Other people play by different rules, it can make you reflect on your own at times but your response to these situations will always tell you what feels right to you.

 

And about the lie, she’s bright, she’s now reached that developmental stage that she can create stories, the world around her will let her know whether she can exercise this skill or not. She clearly loves the two of you to bits, after seeing your disapproval I doubt you’ll see much more of it.

 

Chalk it up to experience and move on.

 

Unless it happens again and then you go through the whole routine again until she does get the message. Negative reinforcement

[Fowlers God]

Parents of GF lend me your ear.

 

On Saturday I picked up ToddleD from the grandfolks and spied her playing with a little plastic rabbit. For context she is bunny mad, her comforter is a bunny, her coat has bunnies on and 12 months later my half arsed promise of "you can have a bunny when you're ten" has not yet been forgotten. I assumed that Nanny and Gangan had bought her it so asked. Apparently ToddleD had told them that we had bought it, which we didn't as I'd never seen it before in my life.

 

I asked her calmly "ToddleD, where's that Bunny from?" answer was she didn't know "Did you take that from school?"

 

She immediately said she was sorry and broke down crying. Without, I think, getting angry I explained that she can't take things from school because it's not hers and it's for everyone to play with and that on monday (today) she was going to have to give it back and apologise to the teacher for taking it.

 

If it was anything other than a bunny I might have given some thought to it being an accidental "put in pocket" situation but knowing how she is with the floppy eared fuckers, and her immediate apology and crumble under interrogation (she is 1/4 French, and it showed) leads me to be conclude it was a deliberate act of thievery. LadyD made her give it back and apologise this morning and apparently again she was beside herself and over the weekend my folks gave LadyD and I a hard time over not just brushing it under the carpet or laughing it off "oh everyone does it!"

 

She's 3 and a half and bright as a button. The fact she constructed a lie to my folks that we bought the bunny did actually impress me but we both felt this was something we needed to stamp on to make sure she knows what's hers and what is not.

 

Did we overreact to this?

Is stealing wrong? How old should a child be before they understand this?

 

I know that you know both the answers to this already which is why you picked ToddlerD up on this behaviour.

 

The fact that ToddlerD broke down when challenged goes to show that you’re already doing a fantastic parenting job as she did know it was wrong.

 

I’d most probably re visit the conversation too and let her know that she should feel ok asking for “stuff” from you both if she wants something however just because she asks doesn’t mean she’ll get.

 

Good on you and you should never feel bad for teaching your daughter right from wrong.

[TheHowieLama]

Where is the rabbit now?

[Paulie Dangerously]

Cheers folks nice to know I didn't over react. The rabbit is back in school. ToddleD is back on the straight and narrow

[Mook]

I wasn't going to post about this because I feel like such a cunt about it might be therapeutic. I took our toddler to Marks & Spencer yesterday to pick up a couple of things to eat, I was standing at the cooked meats section & he was about 8 yards away giving me a cheeky wee look. I started saying, "Tommy, come here, come here & stand with Dad.", I was giving him my full attention at the time & he just done a Scooby Do-style exit stage left, I dropped my basket & sprinted after him only when I get to the bottom of the aisle (this was only 8 or 9 yards by the way) he was nowhere to be seen, I completely panicked & couldn't find him anywhere.

 

I was running about the shop shouting his name at the top of my voice & a couple of women came over to ask how old he was & what he looked like, this went on for what felt like a month (probably about 40 seconds) when a shop assistant grabbed me & said, "Are you looking for a wee boy, I think he's over here.". She took me towards the front of the shop & another assistant had stopped him on his way out the door, of course he comes over with her with a massive grin on his face. I was nearly in fucking tears when I saw the wee bastard but couldn't even give him a row I was that relieved. His Mum managed that when we got in though & lesson learned for me, he'll be getting his hand held tightly when we're out until he's about 30.

 

We found out last night that his cousin had done practically the same thing yesterday only she'd been hit by a car when she legged it (she's fine, it was just a bump), that actually made me feel a bit better if that makes any sense. Heart attack stuff.

[VladimirIlyich]

I wasn't going to post about this because I feel like such a cunt about it might be therapeutic. I took our toddler to Marks & Spencer yesterday to pick up a couple of things to eat, I was standing at the cooked meats section & he was about 8 yards away giving me a cheeky wee look. I started saying, "Tommy, come here, come here & stand with Dad.", I was giving him my full attention at the time & he just done a Scooby Do-style exit stage left, I dropped my basket & sprinted after him only when I get to the bottom of the aisle (this was only 8 or 9 yards by the way) he was nowhere to be seen, I completely panicked & couldn't find him anywhere.

 

I was running about the shop shouting his name at the top of my voice & a couple of women came over to ask how old he was & what he looked like, this went on for what felt like a month (probably about 40 seconds) when a shop assistant grabbed me & said, "Are you looking for a wee boy, I think he's over here.". She took me towards the front of the shop & another assistant had stopped him on his way out the door, of course he comes over with her with a massive grin on his face. I was nearly in fucking tears when I saw the wee bastard but couldn't even give him a row I was that relieved. His Mum managed that when we got in though & lesson learned for me, he'll be getting his hand held tightly when we're out until he's about 30.

 

We found out last night that his cousin had done practically the same thing yesterday only she'd been hit by a car when she legged it (she's fine, it was just a bump), that actually made me feel a bit better if that makes any sense. Heart attack stuff.

Haven't you got one of those harness things that a lot of people with toddlers have? The ones that can be either 'harnessed' around the body or ones that can be simply tied around arm. These sound ideal for you.

[Rico1304]

I wasn't going to post about this because I feel like such a cunt about it might be therapeutic. I took our toddler to Marks & Spencer yesterday to pick up a couple of things to eat, I was standing at the cooked meats section & he was about 8 yards away giving me a cheeky wee look. I started saying, "Tommy, come here, come here & stand with Dad.", I was giving him my full attention at the time & he just done a Scooby Do-style exit stage left, I dropped my basket & sprinted after him only when I get to the bottom of the aisle (this was only 8 or 9 yards by the way) he was nowhere to be seen, I completely panicked & couldn't find him anywhere.

 

I was running about the shop shouting his name at the top of my voice & a couple of women came over to ask how old he was & what he looked like, this went on for what felt like a month (probably about 40 seconds) when a shop assistant grabbed me & said, "Are you looking for a wee boy, I think he's over here.". She took me towards the front of the shop & another assistant had stopped him on his way out the door, of course he comes over with her with a massive grin on his face. I was nearly in fucking tears when I saw the wee bastard but couldn't even give him a row I was that relieved. His Mum managed that when we got in though & lesson learned for me, he'll be getting his hand held tightly when we're out until he's about 30.

 

We found out last night that his cousin had done practically the same thing yesterday only she'd been hit by a car when she legged it (she's fine, it was just a bump), that actually made me feel a bit better if that makes any sense. Heart attack stuff.

0800 11 11.

 

Happens to almost everyone mate, don’t beat yourself up.

[KMD7]

I wasn't going to post about this because I feel like such a cunt about it might be therapeutic. I took our toddler to Marks & Spencer yesterday to pick up a couple of things to eat, I was standing at the cooked meats section & he was about 8 yards away giving me a cheeky wee look. I started saying, "Tommy, come here, come here & stand with Dad.", I was giving him my full attention at the time & he just done a Scooby Do-style exit stage left, I dropped my basket & sprinted after him only when I get to the bottom of the aisle (this was only 8 or 9 yards by the way) he was nowhere to be seen, I completely panicked & couldn't find him anywhere.

 

I was running about the shop shouting his name at the top of my voice & a couple of women came over to ask how old he was & what he looked like, this went on for what felt like a month (probably about 40 seconds) when a shop assistant grabbed me & said, "Are you looking for a wee boy, I think he's over here.". She took me towards the front of the shop & another assistant had stopped him on his way out the door, of course he comes over with her with a massive grin on his face. I was nearly in fucking tears when I saw the wee bastard but couldn't even give him a row I was that relieved. His Mum managed that when we got in though & lesson learned for me, he'll be getting his hand held tightly when we're out until he's about 30.

 

We found out last night that his cousin had done practically the same thing yesterday only she'd been hit by a car when she legged it (she's fine, it was just a bump), that actually made me feel a bit better if that makes any sense. Heart attack stuff.

 

Same happened to us with the little one years ago in a shopping centre in Dublin mate.  I let her hand go for just a second and next thing she was gone.  A frantic 40 second search which felt like a lifetime ensued (the place was jammed full of people) and we found her a bout 5ft across the aisle from us sitting on one of those Bob the Builder toy trucks ride things. We grabbed her and went straight to a taxi and back to where we were staying and just sat down in silence on the sofa .WORST MINUTE OF MY LIFE.

[KMD7]

.

[ZonkoVille77]

Losing a child for even the shortest moment the scariest thing you can imagine.

Happened to us too when at a theme park my daughter decided to leap onto a bouncy castle in the blink of an eye. I was like a lunatic, frantically trying to catch a glimpse of her. Only short of punching every cunt that was in my way, in sheer blind panic. Then I hear her shouting "Dad, get on this with me" - the relief is unimaginable. I locked her in her bedroom without food for 4 days cos of that, teach her rightly.

 

I actually didn't lock her in her room. 

[Paulie Dangerously]

18 hour travelling with toddleD yesterday. She was mostly well behaved

 

How did parents do it without tablets?!?

[ZonkoVille77]

18 hour travelling with toddleD yesterday. She was mostly well behaved

 

How did parents do it without tablets?!?

 

Dunno. My ma always seemed to pop a few valium before journeys so prob didn't apply to her.

[G Richards]

18 hour travelling with toddleD yesterday. She was mostly well behaved

How did parents do it without tablets?!?

I remember a few fairly long trips, transatlantic flights, when our kids were younger. Mrs G had the ingenious idea of wrapping presents, to be opened every hour on the flight. They were just small things like a colouring book or a small toy, but it worked a treat. The kids played with the thing for an hour, and also had the anticipation of looking forward to opening the next present. It made the time of the flight go by much quicker.

 

On another note, I read the rabbit toy thing and thought you handled that really well.

 

When my lad was about 5 years old we went to the corner shop equivalent over here as I picked something up on the way home. At the front by where you pay there are mints and sweets and so on, right at his eye level. When we got home I saw him eating tic-tacs and knew we didn’t buy them, so I asked him where he got them and he broke down crying and said he took them from the shop. We went back to the shop so he could apologize to the worker there. (The mildly frustrating thing was she wanted to sweep it all under the carpet when she saw he was crying, but I wanted him to apologize as he knew stealing was wrong).

[ZonkoVille77]

I remember a few fairly long trips, transatlantic flights, when our kids were younger. Mrs G had the ingenious idea of wrapping presents, to be opened every hour on the flight. They were just small things like a colouring book or a small toy, but it worked a treat. The kids played with the thing for an hour, and also had the anticipation of looking forward to opening the next present. It made the time of the flight go by much quicker.

 

 

That is an excellent idea, and one I shall be borrowing.

[littletedwest]

Parents of GF lend me your ear. 

 

On Saturday I picked up ToddleD from the grandfolks and spied her playing with a little plastic rabbit.  For context she is bunny mad, her comforter is a bunny, her coat has bunnies on and 12 months later my half arsed promise of "you can have a bunny when you're ten" has not yet been forgotten.  I assumed that  Nanny and Gangan had bought her it so asked.  Apparently ToddleD had told them that we had bought it, which we didn't as I'd never seen it before in my life.

 

I asked her calmly "ToddleD, where's that Bunny from?" answer was she didn't know "Did you take that from school?"

 

She immediately said she was sorry and broke down crying.  Without, I think, getting angry I explained that she can't take things from school because it's not hers and it's for everyone to play with and that on monday (today) she was going to have to give it back and apologise to the teacher for taking it.  

 

If it was anything other than a bunny I might have given some thought to it being an accidental "put in pocket" situation but knowing how she is with the floppy eared fuckers, and her immediate apology and crumble under interrogation (she is 1/4 French, and it showed) leads me to be conclude it was a deliberate act of thievery.  LadyD made her give it back and apologise this morning and apparently again she was beside herself and over the weekend my folks gave LadyD and I a hard time over not just brushing it under the carpet or laughing it off "oh everyone does it!"

 

She's 3 and a half and bright as a button. The fact she constructed a lie to my folks that we bought the bunny did actually impress me but we both felt this was something we needed to stamp on to make sure she knows what's hers and what is not. 

 

Did we overreact to this?

 

Repped if for the French comment. Oh and you were right