The GF Parenting Thread

[Remmie]

7 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Was this around the time of your WWF draft pick? Repped for dedication. 

 

 

Found out tonight I am going to be an Uncle. Our kids got his missus up the spout. 

Haha it was actually not far off! Best of luck to your brother, it is great being a dad.

[Chip Butty]

50 minutes ago, Tj hooker said:

My lad aged 6 went missing for a few hours many years ago we obviously got the police involved they were superb even scrambled the police helicopter up and dogs basically the whole nine yards .

It got to the point were they wanted a picture for circulation to other forces and the press we were literally going out of our minds thinking someone had  snatched him off the street all his mates houses were checked then the little bastard just casually turns up he'd been playing with a " new " mate that we knew nothing about the relief was simply unreal 

K'ineel fella, that sounds horrific.

 

I did that to my mam and dad years ago. Hid in a rolled up length of carpet whilst the hall was being decorated, stayed in there for a 8 hours, even had bizzies in the house and still stayed hidden. Fuck knows why. When I crawled out giggling, hugs and kisses were not on the menu, I think even the bizzie give me a sly dig. 

 

Kids eh. 

[Tj hooker]

2 minutes ago, Chip Butty said:

K'ineel fella, that sounds horrific.

 

I did that to my mam and dad years ago. Hid in a rolled up length of carpet whilst the hall was being decorated, stayed in there for a 8 hours, even had bizzies in the house and still stayed hidden. Fuck knows why. When I crawled out giggling, hugs and kisses were not on the menu, I think even the bizzie give me a sly dig. 

 

Kids eh. 

Stressful doesn't even begin to cover it his mum was convinced he'd been snatched because he was playing out on a lovely Sunday afternoon and no one had seen anything, the police gave him the mother of all bollockings I can tell you 

[Remmie]

It's a sign of the effect of sensationalist media that our minds go to the extremely unlikely event that a stranger has snatched them. 

[Scrump]

Anyone else got kids that were supposed to be doing GCSEs or A Levels this year?

[Mook]

My Son (4) said to me last night, "Dad, when I grow up I want to be a murderer.".

[johnsusername]

My six year old was telling me there were kids off school "because of the coronavirus", and "the flu is going round". 

 

Later on she was playing with my two year old and was saying "quick the coronavirus is going to catch us."

 

Fuck sake. I wish everything was back to normal. 

[Remmie]

This is how we parent in Casa del Rem:

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

How's home schooling going? Certainly a change of pace for LadyD and I to teach our own. I don't think I appreciated how clever mine is. She's flying through the work the school have set so we are giving her more to do. She loves it as well which is great as she's really happy in school. They wanted to send her to one of those hubs but we weren't happy with her going to an unfamiliar school, teachers and children in such a horrible time so we're keeping her at home and working it out between us. 

 

Nice to spend some quality time with her too. After working in the morning we have been doing sorts.  We've planned and made Roman sheilds with a sigil. Going to design the handle on them today and move onto our swords. Papier mache helmets for next week I think.  Found a 30 day Lego challenge which were doing one a day as well if anyone wants it. 

 

Edit- I've also got loads of maths and English resources I can email over if anyone wants to keep their kid ticking over. DM me their year group and what you want and an email address I can send some stuff over. 

[Captain Turdseye]

On 18/03/2020 at 21:13, Scrump said:

Anyone else got kids that were supposed to be doing GCSEs or A Levels this year?

My boy was meant to be doing GCSE’s. 
 

8 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

How's home schooling going? Certainly a change of pace for LadyD and I to teach our own. I don't think I appreciated how clever mine is. She's flying through the work the school have set so we are giving her more to do. She loves it as well which is great as she's really happy in school. They wanted to send her to one of those hubs but we weren't happy with her going to an unfamiliar school, teachers and children in such a horrible time so we're keeping her at home and working it out between us. 

 

Nice to spend some quality time with her too. After working in the morning we have been doing sorts.  We've planned and made Roman sheilds with a sigil. Going to design the handle on them today and move onto our swords. Papier mache helmets for next week I think.  Found a 30 day Lego challenge which were doing one a day as well if anyone wants it. 

I’ve got that Lego challenge sheet and like your girl, Turdsette is finding the work sent home from school far too easy. She was being challenged more by the worksheets I was printing off last week that were meant for the year above. She was still flying through them and leaving me having to google one or two of the answers to make sure she was right, which she of course was. The teacher started sending out work on Monday and one thing I am grateful for is the variety. There’s been a couple of things that I would never have thought to do.
 

I’ve certainly got a lot more respect for the job that primary school teachers do now though. My girl is as good as gold but it can be still quite tough ‘teaching’ her, even with a workload and routine sent to me every morning and the ability to stop her getting frustrated because I’m her dad. Fuck knows how teachers manage do it with 20+ kids, some of them little bastards. You must have the patience of a saint. 

[johnsusername]

I've been giving the 2 year old some GCSE revision but she's fucking crap at it. 

[JohnnyH]

I’ve a 2 and a 1 year old and they are bored senseless, no matter what we try. Their sleep patterns are all over the place. Sat with the 2 year old from 2am until 6am a few nights back as he was wide awake and wanted to watch “wheels on the bus” on YouTube. 4 hours of wheels on the bus in fact..... Fucking virus...

[PestiRed]

28 minutes ago, JohnnyH said:

I’ve a 2 and a 1 year old and they are bored senseless, no matter what we try. Their sleep patterns are all over the place. Sat with the 2 year old from 2am until 6am a few nights back as he was wide awake and wanted to watch “wheels on the bus” on YouTube. 4 hours of wheels on the bus in fact..... Fucking virus...

Wait until they discover Blippi 

 

Wait until you discover how much fucking Blippi has earned with a video camera, a daft hat and an annoying squeaky voice

[JohnnyH]

3 hours ago, PestiRed said:

Wait until they discover Blippi 

 

Wait until you discover how much fucking Blippi has earned with a video camera, a daft hat and an annoying squeaky voice

Oh Blippi is a staple in our house. The 2 year old loves him.  Blippi at the zoo, or collecting eggs in the playground, or dancing around a fucking bus....

 

Actually google his back story. Fucking weirdo. 

[Remmie]

Don't know Blippi, though Hey Duggee and Bing are big hits...with me as well

[chrisbonnie]

What's blippi? 

 

I'm up since 5 with the 1 year old. 

 

Thankfully the older lad (4) is in bed for now. 

 

I'm now out of work because of this fucking thing, coming up to 3 weeks now. Technically had work, but with the missus having to work from home and playschool closed, we didn't think it was fair to send the kids to the child minder during this shit storm. 

 

I won't deny I'm finding it hard looking after them full time, not so much the looking after bit, but trying to get some structure to the day. The 4 year old has the attention span of a 4 year old, about 30 seconds. And the little one is just about walking, so she's between being carried everywhere and been let down to explore. 

 

I don't know how many times I've caught her either eating the dog food (kibble) or splashing his fucking water bowl. 

 

Now is the time for some little Virgin nerd in a lab coat to find a solution to this poxy virus. 

 

Come on nerd, make yourself a hero!! 

[Mook]

3 hours ago, chrisbonnie said:

What's blippi? 

Don't even fucking ask mate.

 

And whatever you do, don't say his name three times into a mirror.

[thegreatelephant]

On 18/03/2020 at 21:13, Scrump said:

Anyone else got kids that were supposed to be doing GCSEs or A Levels this year?

 

yeah, my lad and nephew were both doing GCSE's. they should be ok going on their mocks and teacher assessments etc. but lets have it right- just want all families to be healthy and come out the other side of this pandemic. exams are irrelevant to a certain degree at present. both good kids, that's what i'm chuffed about.

 

never really give them all the spiel that they are just bourgeois systems of measurement and that the joy of learning anything comes with life experience and through innate passions. that doesn't require government or corporate verification. i did the lot so to speak and it didn't really give me any real satisfaction. it helps for certain boring reasons, that's all. not always a view shared by those close to me and i'm fine with that.

 

but then i didn't have my lad to be any sort of mini-me, which i don't subscribe to. the lucky Jim. although he has little traits of mine, that's obvious. definitely a hybrid of me and his mother which is nice to watch grow over the years. that's a great thing about being a parent.

 

kids are a blank canvass for them to paint for themselves. there just to guide where possible and if required. my thing has been don't drop litter, hold a door open for anyone and say please and thank you. all the rest- up to you, give what you are into your best shot because you only get one. maybe.

[lifetime fan]

These two doing the Lego challenge of a rollercoaster. 
 

Sick little fucks. 

[Sugar Ape]

Fucking cracking up today. 
 

She’s in the garden in the paddling pool (child, not the wife) and I look out and she’s running around bollocko. Go out and tell her to get in so I can put sun cream on and while I’m picking her clothes up she has a massive wee on the kitchen floor. Start cleaning the wee up and she upends a big jar of rice everywhere. 
 

Dreading what her encore will be. If you don’t hear from me she’s probably stabbed me to death. 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

35 minutes ago, Sugar Ape said:

Fucking cracking up today. 
 

She’s in the garden in the paddling pool (child, not the wife) and I look out and she’s running around bollocko. Go out and tell her to get in so I can put sun cream on and while I’m picking her clothes up she has a massive wee on the kitchen floor. Start cleaning the wee up and she upends a big jar of rice everywhere. 
 

Dreading what her encore will be. If you don’t hear from me she’s probably stabbed me to death. 

Just sit her in front of the telly with a pizza and put you tube on and show her videos about fish tanks. Works for me. He is 26 like.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

On 27/03/2020 at 18:55, PestiRed said:

Wait until they discover Blippi 

 

Wait until you discover how much fucking Blippi has earned with a video camera, a daft hat and an annoying squeaky voice

 

I caught about 5 Blippi shows and wanted to fucking kill him. He's such a soft twat.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I'm starting to worry about KidD and her lack of interaction with other children.  She's an only child, the only one we'll ever have, and there's no other children in our family.  We're trying to facetime with some of her school friends when we can but it's not the same.  I'm also worried that she's so acutely aware of what's going on.  School told them about the corona virus so she knows everything that's unusual at the minute is caused by it.  

 

My da told me that when he was a kid him, and loads of people of his generation, used to have nightmares about an atomic bomb going off because that was the big threat at the time.  You've got to wonder if this (hopefully) once in a life time event isn't going to fuck up a generation of children. 

[Remmie]

1 minute ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

I'm starting to worry about KidD and her lack of interaction with other children.  She's an only child, the only one we'll ever have, and there's no other children in our family.  We're trying to facetime with some of her school friends when we can but it's not the same.  I'm also worried that she's so acutely aware of what's going on.  School told them about the corona virus so she knows everything that's unusual at the minute is caused by it.  

 

My da told me that when he was a kid him, and loads of people of his generation, used to have nightmares about an atomic bomb going off because that was the big threat at the time.  You've got to wonder if this (hopefully) once in a life time event isn't going to fuck up a generation of children. 

It's kids I feel for the most, I would have absolutely hated this as a child, it's not exactly joy personified as an adult but I can cope. My children are so young that it doesn't make any difference to my son - 2 months though my daughter (2 and a half) misses her friends from the childminder and gets excited seeing other young children when we go for walks.

 

One of my friend's wives put on Facebook that she wanted to arrange playdates for her daughter as she thinks they are all low risk and are worried about her mental health. They live in Australia where the rules are a bit more relaxed but not by much.

 

Wish I had an answer for you Paulie (I'm certainly not advocating the above!).

 

[Remmie]

The romance of parenting when you have 2 young ones. Setting the scene; my wife has spent the past 45 minutes getting my daughter prepared for the childminders, I have been changing my son‘s nappy and getting him to sleep. I get him to sleep but now she wants me to get dressed to take my daughter and get her a spare pair of underwear. I sigh and the wife tells if I hurry up we can have sex while son is still asleep. I explain that the reason I am sighing is I've needed a shit for the past 45 minutes. Anyway I drop my daughter and rush back and utter the immortal words 'sweetheart, I'll hold it in for you, let's go upstairs'. 

 

As we undress we both get as far as completely naked and son wakes up at that exact moment. Now I'm typing this while having that poo. He was fucking delighted to be awake as well. Cock blocking, I don't want any more brothers or sisters, nearly 8 months old so and so.