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Premier League Round Up (Feb 7-11 2015)

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A lot to get through in this one as there was a full programme of midweek fixtures as well as the weekend’s games. Let’s kick things off with the North London derby last Saturday. Obviously I’ve got no love for either of these teams, but Spurs are definitely the lesser of the two evils so I was happy to see them turn Arsenal over, especially as the Gunners were actually leading before losing to a late goal. I’ll never tire of that happening. Fuck Arsenal.

Ozil had opened the scoring after a horrific slice by Giroud set him up. That was the only effort they had in the first half, they were awful really and Spurs made most of the running. Kane equalised with a tap in but the position he took up made it possible. Not enough players hang about on the back post from corners, that’s something that has bothered me for years.

He then headed the winner with a couple of minutes left. Brilliant header it was too, but the novelty is wearing thin now and he needs to revert back to his level and stop this “goal a game” shit he’s pulling. I’ve accepted that he is actually a really good player now but this goalscoring run isn’t the shape of things to come. It can’t be. He’s just in one of those purple patches that strikers sometimes have, it’s not like he’s going to be a 30 goal a season man every year. At least I hope it’s not. And I still don’t like his face.

By the way, is Jonathan Pearce on crack? He went off on one about “that’s a penalty to Arsenal all day long” after Mertesacker took a dive under the slightest touch from Chadli. It was a little grab of his hand, nothing more, but the German toppled over like a big fucking oak tree. I could almost hear yells of “Tiiiiimmmbeeeeerrrr” as he fell, the big cheating bastard. Six foot six and THAT was enough to put him down? Jonathan Pearce is a dickhead, he’s now officially worse than Motson.

Moving swiftly on, and hey guess what, Villa finally managed to score!! It counted for nothing though, as they lost at home to Chelsea. You’d expect that of course, but Mourinho had never beaten them at Villa Park prior to this.

You know who I was wrong about? Tom fucking Cleverly that’s who. When he was at United I thought he was decent, not good enough for a top club but just a step below and a tidy little player. All the stick he got from the press and United fans seemed well harsh to me, but no, they were all right and he is actually proper shite. Even Villa fans think he’s shite, and let’s face it they’d know better than most.

Mourinho’s little tantrum with the press paid dividends as the MOTD interviewer was kissing his arse afterwards, asking him why he’s so happy and smiling. “Because of the BBC. You don’t ask for players to be banned.” Oh fuck off you embarrassing fucking helmet. And fuck off BBC for indulging the egotistic fucking baby. There’s no difference between between Sky, BBC or BT Sport, they all employ pundits who are paid to give opinions on incidents. I’m sure there are people on MOTD who reckon Costa should have been banned, the only difference is that they didn’t show the game, Sky did. You just know everyone at the BBC all had semi’s after hearing him say that though. Losers.

Unfortunately Chelsea are looking like they’ll have little competition for the title as City are underachieving badly and couldn’t even beat Hull at home. In fact, they needed a stoppage time equaliser from Milner to even get a point, the underachieving mercenary twats.

Nasri caused a bit of a stir this week by saying Chelsea “are nothing special”. He’s right, but when you’ve just failed to beat a team that had Paul McShane in it, it’s probably not the right time to be shooting your mouth off.

No sooner had I hit ‘post’ on last week’s round up, it emerged that ‘Arry had left QPR. Initially when I heard he’d quit due to a medical complaint I was waiting for the old “he’s got a bad side” punchline, but this was actually even funnier. He quit because of a bad fucking knee??? The day after the transfer window closed?? And he’d not signed anyone?? Does he really expect anyone to believe that shit? If his knee was stopping him doing his job, why would he not have stepped aside before the window closed, and maybe allowed someone else to try and bring in a player or two?

Apparently he tried to send back a player he’d just loaned from West Ham (Zarate) so he could get another player on loan from West Ham (Matt Jarvis) but it was blocked by the Premier League. He’s a joke isn’t he? Did well at Spurs but he’s been stealing a living at QPR. They’re probably better off without him, let’s face it, they could hardly be much worse than they have been.

They lost to a 93rd minute goal against Southampton. Nice finish by Mane but Southampton really didn’t deserve that winner as QPR were the better side. Not that we’re in any position to be complaining about that after the daylight robbery we committed at Loftus Road.

Elsewhere, Leicester battered Palace but somehow lost 1-0. No-one cared about the result though, all anyone wanted to talk about after this one was the weird incident on the touchline when Nigel Pearson put his hand around the throat of James McArthur after the midfielder had accidentally collided with him. It was just really fucking weird and very uncomfortable to watch.

It wasn’t your usual Wenger / Pardew style loss of temper followed by some handbags, this was a bit disturbing as Pearson tried to give off the air of a man in control of his actions. What the hell was that all about? It looked good natured at first but then it turned a bit sinister as McArthur tried to laugh it off and get back onto the pitch, but Pearson wouldn’t let go of his shirt. He was smiling but it was one of those psychopathic smiles you see a serial killer do in the movies before he impales someone.

Even Pardew knew to keep his distance, and we all how much he loves the aggro. I can’t blame him either, Pearson defo isn’t someone you’d want to cross. If I was forced to enter a steel cage tournament with every manager in football, but was offered a wild card to eliminate one of them before it even started, it would be Pearson all the way (Allardyce would be a not so close second). He’s a stone cold killer that fella, you can tell by the way he carries himself.

He looks like some kind of SAS badass, he even sounds like a squaddie. The story about him fending off a pack of hungry wolves with just a walking stick while backpacking in the Balkans doesn’t surprise me in the slightest, just look at him! He’s got that mental edge to him and total lack of humour that unhinged badasses have. You know what I mean, there’s just something a little off and it makes you feel uncomfortable in their presence. He’s kind of like a more sullen, dangerous version of Roy Keane.

Pearson then took exception to the “three fountains of knowledge” on MOTD (Lineker, SuperDan and Jermaine Jenas this week) for their take on the McArthur incident, and then had a further pop at Lineker by saying “I pay my taxes”. Oof! Lineker hit back via twitter, which kind of tells you all you need to know. Could you imagine Pearson responding to any beef by taking to fucking twitter?

Anyway, things got even more mental when Pearson was then apparently sacked and quickly reinstated. Doesn’t take a genius to guess how that one played out.

Leicester chairman: “Sorry Nigel, we’re going to have to let you go. The press release has just been sent out, thanks for everything you’ve done and good luck for the future.”

NP: *stares while smiling maniacally* “I’m not going anywhere”

Leicester chairman: “Actually yeah, we may have been a bit hasty there. Carry on. We’ll put out another press release saying it was all a misunderstanding.”

To be fair, I wouldn’t sack him either, not until I was out of the country.



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Hitman and her, brilliant! One of the dancers turned up one week in the same trackies as me, cool as fuck I thought that was. Maybe not so much now.


Top round up as usual.

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