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The Local News Thread


AngryOfTuebrook
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Just now, Captain Turdseye said:

 

Yet he could afford a digger. 

 

Think he may have ‘borrowed’ that from all the building work that’s going on around Edge Lane.

 

For me, it’s the bit at the end where he uses the digger arm to start smashing the reception desk that makes it.

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  • 4 weeks later...

A Primary School in Essex has banned all Valentine’s Day cards after a six-year-old child wrote to his teacher and told her that he would ‘plough her into next week.’

Governors at Sally’s Mound Primary Academy in Great Winkering have promised that there will be a thorough investigation into the incident.

One source within the school said, ‘We originally set up the Valentine’s card exercise as part of the creative writing syllabus, but we had no idea that some of the children would find sexually suggestive rhymes on the Internet.’

‘One of the teachers alerted the head when she got a card that said, ‘Roses are red, your eyebrows are fleek, come to mine after school, will plough you into next week.’

‘On the plus side, the spelling and handwriting were impeccable – definitely the work of someone above and beyond their expected level at Key Stage 1.’

The pupil in question has been suspended while the school establishes exactly what happened, and his father spoke to us anonymously to say that he was ‘disgusted’ with the school.

He said, ‘I admit that he must have got hold of his mum’s phone and read some of the texts on there, but to be fair the teacher doesn’t exactly discourage this sort of behaviour with her immaculate complexion and skirts resting two inches below the knee.’

‘She always has a queue fifty feet long at parents evening.’

A statement from the school confirmed that all female members of staff have been ordered to wear tracksuit bottoms and ponchos until the Summer months.

 
 
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1 hour ago, Lee909 said:

A Primary School in Essex has banned all Valentine’s Day cards after a six-year-old child wrote to his teacher and told her that he would ‘plough her into next week.’

Governors at Sally’s Mound Primary Academy in Great Winkering have promised that there will be a thorough investigation into the incident.

One source within the school said, ‘We originally set up the Valentine’s card exercise as part of the creative writing syllabus, but we had no idea that some of the children would find sexually suggestive rhymes on the Internet.’

‘One of the teachers alerted the head when she got a card that said, ‘Roses are red, your eyebrows are fleek, come to mine after school, will plough you into next week.’

‘On the plus side, the spelling and handwriting were impeccable – definitely the work of someone above and beyond their expected level at Key Stage 1.’

The pupil in question has been suspended while the school establishes exactly what happened, and his father spoke to us anonymously to say that he was ‘disgusted’ with the school.

He said, ‘I admit that he must have got hold of his mum’s phone and read some of the texts on there, but to be fair the teacher doesn’t exactly discourage this sort of behaviour with her immaculate complexion and skirts resting two inches below the knee.’

‘She always has a queue fifty feet long at parents evening.’

A statement from the school confirmed that all female members of staff have been ordered to wear tracksuit bottoms and ponchos until the Summer months.

 
 

Could only be in Essex.

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5 hours ago, .̯. said:

No arrests were made. Fucking disgrace. The poor auld bastard may not have he’s long left, but that should still be a criminal offence blocking access to emergency aid.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Dad repeatedly knifed in testicles after confronting 'scallies' outside his home

The victim, said to be a "family man" who is "not into gangs or drugs", suffered horrendous injuries in front of his young children

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By
Jonathan HumphriesSenior Reporter
  • 18:21, 11 APR 2019
  • UPDATED18:32, 11 APR 2019
0_Man-stabbed-in-the-testicles-on-KemsleKemsley Road,Dovecot. (Image: LIVERPOOL ECHO)
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A dad suffered horrendous injuries after being repeatedly stabbed in his testicles when he reportedly confronted "local scallies" outside his home.

The victim's house was apparently turned into a 'bloodbath' and the aftermath of the attack was witnessed by his young children.

 
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Sources described the victim, who is in his 40s, as a "family man" who has a full-time job and is "not involved in gangs or drugs."

One said: "He just stood up to the local scallies, basically."

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The traumatic incident occurred in Kemsley Road, Dovecot , shortly before 6.30pm yesterday.

The victim was attacked after a dispute in the street with what residents described as "the local scallies."

 
 
0_Man-stabbed-in-the-testicles-on-Kemsle
Kemsley Road,Dovecot. (Image: LIVERPOOL ECHO)

His partner and two of his young children arrived home and witnessed the bloody aftermath of the stabbing, which has left the house "a mess."

 A source said the victim had been repeatedly stabbed in the back of the legs, the groin and his testicles.

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Police said the victim, who is currently in hospital receiving treatment, was found with serious but not life-threatening injuries to his thigh and groin.

But he has refused to speak to detectives to help them with their enquiries. 
4221396001_5812752713001_5812728295001-vs.jpg?pubId=4221396001&videoId=5812728295001
 
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THIS IS WHAT THE PEOPLE OF LIVERPOOL THINK ABOUT THE RISE IN KNIFE CRIME
 
 

A source said: "He's not involved in gangs or drugs or anything like that, he's a working man and a family man. He's stood up to the local scallies basically.

READ MORE
 

"The local residents are disgusted, and they are going to have to leave the area now.

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Do you have a story? You can get in touch, in complete confidence if necessary, below:

Follow Jonathan, or drop him a direct message, on Twitter here

You can read more of his stories here

Email him on jonathan.humphries@reachplc.com

Keep up to date with the latest breaking news here

Like the ECHO Facebook page and follow @livechonews on Twitter

 

"The doctors said it had missed an artery in his groin by 2mm. They have tried to kill him."

The North West Ambulance Service confirmed they were called to an address in Kemsley Road at 6.29pm, and a man was taken to hospital.

A Merseyside Police spokesperson said: "We are appealing for information following the assault of a man in Dovecot last night, Wednesday 10 April.

"At around 6pm, emergency services were called to Kemsley Road to reports of a fight in the street.

"A man in his 40s was found with serious but non life-threatening injuries to his thigh and groin and he was taken to hospital, where his condition is described as stable.

"The victim has refused to assist the police with enquiries and CCTV and witness enquiries are ongoing to find those responsible.  
"Anyone with information or who witnessed the incident is asked to contact @MerPolCC, call 101 with reference 19100169769 and @CrimestoppersUK anonymously on 0800 555 111. "

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1 hour ago, Anubis said:

Mental that, going to be big news up here as would anyone getting shot. He was in my local a fair bit him & did a lot of good work for kids although I've heard some horror stories about him too.

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