Little Things That Brighten Your Day

[easytoslip]

29 minutes ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

Do you get much work on the after dinner circuit, easy?

Clearing  tables and collecting cigar stumps.

[Lee909]

Seeing a letter from the tax office and thinking what the fucks this, to open it and find a £140 rebate

[Bjornebye]

3 hours ago, easytoslip said:

Clearing  tables and collecting cigar stumps.

I liked you in Boys From The Blackstuff 

[easytoslip]

15 minutes ago, Lee909 said:

Seeing a letter from the tax office and thinking what the fucks this, to open it and find a £140 rebate

Good one.

[easytoslip]

13 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I liked you in Boys From The Blackstuff 

Don’t remember that  , well not that bit .

[VladimirIlyich]

Found out the other day that I am going to be a Grandad for the first time next year. It considerably brightened my existence. I'm very excited at the thought.

[Dr Nowt]

Absolute cunt of a fortnight in hospital. From the absurd to the ridiculous...gruelling, frustrating, maddening.

 

Been discharged unexpectedly a night early and received a life-affirming welcome from my dogs when I got home. My male one made what can only be described as the gayest squealing noise on earth for ten minutes while clambering all over my head on the sofa. Truly, they’re the best souls in the world.

 

A shit time melted away and already downstream. Going to eat a morbidly unhealthy amount of Chinese grub that’s just turned up and sleep like the dead until Southampton.

[Dr Nowt]

1 hour ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Found out the other day that I am going to be a Grandad for the first time next year. It considerably brightened my existence. I'm very excited at the thought.

Congratulations Vlad.

 

Drink it in mate.

[Mook]

Was out for a big family meal today & our three year old needed a piss, I took him in and out a couple of times waiting for someone to come out the cubicle. Eventually gave up & just held him up at the urinal, midway through his piss he farted. I fucking burst out laughing & could barely hold him up, then he started & could hardly piss.

 

You probably had to be there but it was genuinely one of the funniest moments in my life (& I find a lot of things funny). 

 

Still giggling about it now.

[General Dryness]

One of the few things guaranteed in a mans life is that farts never cease to be amusing. And women will never understand it.

[KMD7]

On 14/08/2019 at 19:22, VladimirIlyich said:

Found out the other day that I am going to be a Grandad for the first time next year. It considerably brightened my existence. I'm very excited at the thought.

Enjoy Vlad

[AngryOfTuebrook]

The latest polling figures for the Tinge Group.

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/change-uk-independent-group-zero-support-poll-soubry-a9064186.html?fbclid=IwAR3HMaFwBUhxgvYxZtp6J7jWmlBoFt-OA-_sGwbdBchJhuSLmKDUC-CYRPs

 

 

[The Golden Eel]

Seeing a dog with its head sticking out of the window of a moving car never fails to make me smile. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

38 minutes ago, DimReaper said:

Seeing a dog with its head sticking out of the window of a moving car never fails to make me smile. 

In the interest of balance, I'll also add that wide-eyed way kittens look at everything with apparent wonder and amazement. 

[Rico1304]

One to brighten your day.

 

i was told I could apply for tax relief on my pension in my new job. Duly wrote to HMRC. Received a bill for £3.5k this morning.  

[sir roger]

Even you are preferable to the Taxman , Rico.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I've got an unexpected 3 day weekend which started today. I had a chicken gyro for lunch with MrsD which was ace. Got a flu jab administered by the fittest pharmacist I've ever seen. Had a merseyrail parking ticket overturned and I've got a fridge full of beers. What a day. 

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

I've got an unexpected 3 day weekend which started today. I had a chicken gyro for lunch with MrsD which was ace. Got a flu jab administered by the fittest pharmacist I've ever seen. Had a merseyrail parking ticket overturned and I've got a fridge full of beers. What a day. 

Get in mate x 

[manwiththestick]

17 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

I've got an unexpected 3 day weekend which started today. I had a chicken gyro for lunch with MrsD which was ace. Got a flu jab administered by the fittest pharmacist I've ever seen. Had a merseyrail parking ticket overturned and I've got a fridge full of beers. What a day. 

Where did he jab you?

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I was just out with the dog earlier and as I returned home with this woman I know from the park (no dogging, she's a family friend who was on her way back from work) this old bloke (at least 80 at my guess) was sat on the pavement next to our house. Apparently he had tripped over one of the paving stones and couldn't get up so lent against the wall. Obviously I helped him to his feet and asked if he needed a doctor or ambulance. He was just a bit shaken, so I said I would drive him home. When I dropped him off he had tears in his eyes so I asked him if he was OK. He just said they were tears of joy due to my kindness. Made my day that did. Not a believer in karma though, especially since he left one of his farts in my car!! 

[Mudface]

2 minutes ago, Pistonbroke said:

I was just out with the dog earlier and as I returned home with this woman I know from the park (no dogging, she's a family friend who was on her way back from work) this old bloke (at least 80 at my guess) was sat on the pavement next to our house. Apparently he had tripped over one of the paving stones and couldn't get up so lent against the wall. Obviously I helped him to his feet and asked if he needed a doctor or ambulance. He was just a bit shaken, so I said I would drive him home. When I dropped him off he had tears in his eyes so I asked him if he was OK. He just said they were tears of joy due to my kindness. Made my day that did. Not a believer in karma though, especially since he left one of his farts in my car!! 

You got his wallet and watch though, right?

[Guest Pistonbroke]

3 minutes ago, Mudface said:

You got his wallet and watch though, right?

 

No need, I disabled his Burglar alarm, might as well do a good job. 

[Raymond Duck]

3 hours ago, Pistonbroke said:

I was just out with the dog earlier and as I returned home with this woman I know from the park (no dogging, she's a family friend who was on her way back from work) this old bloke (at least 80 at my guess) was sat on the pavement next to our house. Apparently he had tripped over one of the paving stones and couldn't get up so lent against the wall. Obviously I helped him to his feet and asked if he needed a doctor or ambulance. He was just a bit shaken, so I said I would drive him home. When I dropped him off he had tears in his eyes so I asked him if he was OK. He just said they were tears of joy due to my kindness. Made my day that did. Not a believer in karma though, especially since he left one of his farts in my car!! 

I had a similar experience few weeks back. Old girl up the road from me was looking a bit confused and lost. She‘d missed her neighbour who she wanted to bring some bread in for her.

 

No problem, give me 20 mins and I’ll be back. I spent about an hour with her, just chatting with her about her family and her husband who’d passed. 89 years old, lovely old girl called Gloria Did exactly the same thing, broke down and said it just makes me cry when somebody does something nice for me. 
 

On the way out, she grabbed my hand and kissed it. Broke my heart I can tell you.

 

I pop in every now and then just to check in, she’s 90 on Monday so I’m going go up there with the kids and make a fuss of her.

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, paddyberger said:

I had a similar experience few weeks back. Old girl up the road from me was looking a bit confused and lost. She‘d missed her neighbour who she wanted to bring some bread in for her.

 

No problem, give me 20 mins and I’ll be back. I spent about an hour with her, just chatting with her about her family and her husband who’d passed. 89 years old, lovely old girl called Gloria Did exactly the same thing, broke down and said it just makes me cry when somebody does something nice for me. 
 

On the way out, she grabbed my hand and kissed it. Broke my heart I can tell you.

 

I pop in every now and then just to check in, she’s 90 on Monday so I’m going go up there with the kids and make a fuss of her.

She only wanted bread for a butty and your chewing her ear off! 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

1 minute ago, paddyberger said:

I had a similar experience few weeks back. Old girl up the road from me was looking a bit confused and lost. She‘d missed her neighbour who she wanted to bring some bread in for her.

 

No problem, give me 20 mins and I’ll be back. I spent about an hour with her, just chatting with her about her family and her husband who’d passed. 89 years old, lovely old girl called Gloria Did exactly the same thing, broke down and said it just makes me cry when somebody does something nice for me. 
 

On the way out, she grabbed my hand and kissed it. Broke my heart I can tell you.

 

I pop in every now and then just to check in, she’s 90 on Monday so I’m going go up there with the kids and make a fuss of her.

 

It's really moving how appreciative these old ones are when you give them a bit of attention or help. I actually like listening to their stories, kind of keeps your feet on the ground when you realise the simple things which made them happy. I always have time for them if they want to have a chat with me, it really is heartbreaking when they tell you their own family don't have time for them. I've had the displeasure of meeting some right old whinging/racist fucks mind.