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Premier League Round Up (Nov 1-3 2014)

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We shit the bed in the first game of the weekend which meant I just tuned out of any footy until we played Madrid on Tuesday, so I’m only just getting round to watching the highlights now nearly a week later. Not much went our way did it? Everton not winning and United losing were just about the only things we could clutch at, but they’re scant consolation for how shit we are right now.

Chelsea made hard work of beating QPR despite taking an early lead through a fantastic finish by Oscar. Charlie Austin equalised with the type of goal that used to be my trademark before an ankle injury cruelly cut short my career at just 40 years old last summer. Clever little back flick that bamboozled the keeper, if I’ve done that once I’ve done it a thousand times. He later missed a great opportunity to put them ahead. If I’ve done that once, I’ve done it a million times.

QPR actually gave it a real good go and had their opportunities, but they were undone by a soft penalty conceded by Vargas on Hazard. It could have gone either way but who’s going to give the benefit of the doubt to a grown man with a tattoo of Michael Jordan on his neck? I mean come on, what the actual fuck? I’m a big Bulls fan and I love MJ as much as the next guy, but a tattoo? On the neck? Of Michael Jordan? Kinell.

Hazard buried the penalty because Rob Green has clearly never watched him take a pen before. I’m sick of seeing keepers diving early and making it easy for him, he just waits to see where they’re going and puts it either the other way, or quite often down the middle. Does my fucking head in, Hazard never takes his eyes off the keeper when he’s taking a pen, how do they not know this?

(nice to see the Maribor keeper had done his homework, stood up and saved Hazard’s spot kick in midweek. Hopefully Mignolet was watching that for when Chelsea get their inevitable pen at Anfield tomorrow)

Mourinho took the unusual step of slagging off his own fans afterwards, saying it was like playing in an empty stadium. Maybe they could come up with some kind of initiative to create a better atmosphere. I don’t know, plastic flags perhaps, that’s bound to work.

Seriously though, you have to be one colossal fucking skid mark for me come down on the side of Chelsea fans in any kind of argument. He’s a cheeky disrespectful twat who should be ashamed of himself for that. Chelsea fans are in the same boat as the rest of us, being fucking fleeced by the wankers that run all of our football clubs. I read somewhere that kids tickets at Stamford Bridge are £50 or something.

Some of these gobshites in football are just completely detached from the real world. They want to know where the atmosphere is? It’s in the pubs and living rooms, because most of the fans who used to be at the game creating an atmosphere aren’t there anymore. Why aren’t they there? Because they’ve been priced out. Why have they been priced out? So pricks like Mourinho can have their huge salaries (not to mention unlimited transfer funds in his case). And then he’s there complaining that their fans weren’t loud enough as his massively expensive team full of multi millionaires were struggling to beat Queens Park fucking Rangers. Just when you think the man couldn’t possibly be any more of a cunt, he goes and outdoes himself.

There was a cracking game at the Britannia between Stoke and West Ham. No really. It was a hell of a game and the ball was mostly on the floor. Stewart Downing was the best player on the pitch and had a goal and an assist. Honestly, I’m not kidding.

What the hell have West Ham got Downing on though? That’s some serious performance enhancing shit he’s been on this year. He was brilliant in this game, making West Ham’s first (for the lively Valencia) and scoring their second (which was the fault of lazy arse Victor Moses), both with his right foot. It won’t last, obviously, but I don’t like it. It makes our own shiteness even harder to take.


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