Funniest Scenes in Televison History

[Son of L8]

Glenn Cullen's "I am a man" meltdown on The Thick of It, and also his more calmly delivered goodbye speech.

 

Ace. "I am a man" is one of the greatest ever rants in television history.

 

"Fucking Hugh wants to speak to Tinky-Winky? Well, FUCK TINKY-WINKY!"

 

James Smith sold that scene so hard, I was in awe the first time I saw it.

 

For the sheer violent absurdity of dialogue, nothing beats this though. Cracks me up every time:

 

[Jairzinho]

I blitzed all four series, again, in about three days last week.

[Jairzinho]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkWxDfACpNg

[Baldi]

22 Short films about Springfield in the Simpsons....one classic scene stands out....its the dinner Principal Skinner hosts for Superintendent Chalmers. After burning the roast he had planned, Skinner passes off food from a nearby Krusty Burger as his own “steamed hams”. There then follows an exchange between the pair culminating in the following moment of brilliance as Skinner trying to explain the apparent fire in his kitchen:

Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: May I see it?

Skinner: Er… no.

[torahboy]

This raised howls of laughter in our house. Party in full swing as well.

 

 

[Spy Bee]

I don't see him crying. 

[RedKnight]

Slightly truncated version of one of my favourite scenes from this show.

 

[Special K]

Christopher's intervention - The Sopranos

"Is that....normal pooing" scene in Peep Show

"Mummy????" Peep Show too

[Em City]

On the Thick of It theme, I always loved the exchange between Malcolm and Ollie in hospital about the future of Nicola Murray:

 

 Ollie: "Is she fucked?"

 

Malcolm: "Like Caligula's favourite watermelon."

 

The funniest scene in general is probably in Fawlty Towers at the end of the episode with the Germans when Basil smacks Manuel before the moose head falls on Manuel who complains that Basil hit him on the head whereupon the Major admonishes him:

 

"No, you hit him on the head...naughty moose."

 

Germans: "How did they win the war?"

[The Golden Eel]

Still, good news on the chocolate oranges

[Paulie Dangerously]

Patrick Stewart telling Andy Millman about the film he's written in Extras

 

'so posh spice arrives and then her clothes fall off. Of course she's picking them up but by then I've seen everything'

[Paulie Dangerously]

Also this

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJ8G2s--1zA&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[rubble-rouser]

Partridge - the Zombie bit, especially where Michael goes to Lamp him

 

Partridge - Ged Maxwell's tattoo

 

Partridge - Alan and Gil in bed

 

Partridge - Underpant lining but it perished

 

Reeves & Mortimer - Original Masterchef sketch - especially the first 10 second when Lloyd Grossman's is first glimpsed then begins to hover.

 

Reeves & Mortimer -  Stars For Their Eyes - the whole thing really but especially the George Michael act 

[Mook]

The bit on Reeves and Mortimer where the boy tries to impress the woman by breaking the cake never fails to make me pish myself laughing.

[Ginny]

Slightly truncated version of one of my favourite scenes from this show.

 

 

haha - thats brilliant

[Carvalho Diablo]

Bottom, Carnival

 

 

Scene Ten - The flat, One hour later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Richie and Eddie stand at the door in the lounge, talking to some guy.
Richie has a crate of Malibu]

Richie: Thanks very much, mister video repair man. Crate of Malibu for cash?

Guy: That'll do nicely. [takes it and goes off]

Eddie: And, er, watch out for the top step!

[pulls a lever on the wall, there is a loud crash]

Ha ha ha! Gets them every time!

Richie: Yeah! Give me five, Eddie!

[He holds his hand up for a 5, but Eddie punches him in the face
five times instead.]

Yeah, they're great, these American things, aren't they!

Eddie: Yeah.

Richie: Right! All set, slap in the cassette, Eddie, and check its blank.
This is it, Eddie, we're going to be frolicking in vodka flavored
clover from here on in.

[Eddie puts the cassette in and plays it]

Eddie: There you go, completely blan...Hey, hang on...
What's that? [sits on the sofa next to Richie]
It's a room... I don't recognize that...

Richie: It's not in our house, is it?

Eddie: Hold up, who's that coming in?

Richie: Ooooh! It's the Prime Minister! [leaps to his feet]

Stand up, Eddie, for god sake! Salute!

[Richie salutes and Eddie sticks his fingers up]

That's enough of that.

[To telly] Good afternoon, sir...

Eddie, put a doily on the telly or something for Christ's
sake! ... Sorry sir, carry on.

Eddie: Is, uh... Is that his bedroom, do you think?

Richie: Oh, very much so, I believe, yes. This is obviously a
informal walk about the Primeminesterial private
departments.

Eddie: Well it's very informal isn't it... He's taking his shirt off now!

Richie: [stands, applauds] The Prime Minster's nipples...
It's a great honor, sir. It' obviously very hot.

Eddie: He's obviously got a very hot todger as well. Hang on, who's she?

Richie: Oh, that must be his Mummy...

Eddie: Ohhuh.

Richie: Yes, yes, yes, it's obviously the Prime Minister's bed time, yes..

Eddie: Oh, I see...

[They both watch for a moment]

Richie: That is very unusual behavior, isn't it?

Eddie: Well... Maybe she's just chaining him to bed... In case he falls off.

Richie: Yes, yes, yes, that must be it, yes and, look, look, she's very hot
too, look she's taking her dress off... Oh look! [both laugh]
she's brought him a little present!

Eddie: Yeah!

Richie: What is that, a sort of Model of a moon rocket, isn't it?

Both: WOWW!

Richie: What did she stick it in there for!?

Eddie: Maybe she's trying to take his temperature.

Richie: Yes, that must be it, yes, yes, he's obviously ill, yes.

Eddie: Well! That would be why he's so hot!

Richie: Yes! Yes, of course. I mean, look at the poor little
mite, he's groaning and thrashing around the place.

Eddie: He's obviously got a very high fever... And that's why
she's sucking the poison out of him...

[They both lean forward, watching the telly intently.]

Richie: I wish I had a mum like that.

[They both react in pain as they watch what happens next]

Eddie: Yeah, that's right, thrash the fever out of him!

Richie: He's saying something, Eddie, what's he saying? Turn the sound up.

[Eddie turns up the volume, but no sound is heard]

Eddie: Oh, no, I think it's mute.

Richie: Well, you can lip read, what's he saying?

Eddie: AH... Oh yes. Ooooh yes! Oh Yess! Oh Yes!! Oh! Oh! Oh!
YES!! OOHH YESSS!! OOOOHH YESSSS!!! OOOOHHHH YEESSSSS!!!
AAAAAaahhh...

Richie: Oh, yes, yes, he's calmed down a bit now.

Eddie: Hang on, who's she?

Richie: That must be his, his Auntie.

Eddie: Ohh.

Richie: She's very friendly, isn't she!?

Eddie: I think they must be sisters.

Richie: Yes, that must be it... ye... No! Don't sit there!

Eddie: She can't have seen him!

Richie: He'll suffocate!

Eddie: OH!! I can't think that that's hygienic.

Richie: ...Eddie...

Eddie: Yeah?

Richie: Is it just me, or do you sense a slight sexual undercurrent to this?
You don't suppose that what we're witnessing here is 'Prime Minister's
perving about in a career threatening once in a life time blackmailing
opportunity for two wily old desperadoes like us'... time?

Eddie: Where's the phone!?

Richie: Stand back!

[They rush over to the telephone by the window. Richie grabs the
receiver and dials a seemingly random number.]

Hello! Get me the Prime Minister! ... Because I want to blackmail
him! ... Richard Richard! ... Oh shit!

[slams down the receiver] I accidentally gave my name away.

Eddie: Oh.

Richie: Eddie, you'll have to phone, andand use an assumed name.

Eddie: Right you are.

[Takes the receiver and mashes the keypad a bit]

Yes, Hello, I'd like to blackmail the Prime Minister.
... Ah, er, Richard Richard.

[Richie grabs the receiver and slams it down]

Richie: You stupid idiot, Eddie! You bloody fool! They'll be on to us now!

Eddie: Oh don't talk bollocks, Richie!!! It'll take weeks for them to catch
up with us!

[The phone rings]

Richie: Oh! [answers it] Hello? Oh! [to Eddie] It's the police!

[Eddie craps his dacks]

Yes? Ye...[fake nervous laugh]

[To Eddie] They say they've got the place surrounded by
the SAS...It's a siege, Eddie! We've got to think fast!

Eddie: Well, that's us knackerd, then, isn't it!?

Richie: Yeah, well should we give in now?

Eddie: OH! No, sandwiches! That's is! It's a siege, right! If we
handle this right, we could eat like kings!

Richie: Ok, Eddie, leave this to me.

Eddie: Right.

Richie: Hello? What kind of sandwiches do you do? ... SANDWICHES!
[covers mouthpiece] They say they don't do sandwiches,
they've a highly trained anti-terrorist organization.

Eddie: Well, tell them they're talking to the wrong bloke!

[shouts into the mouth piece] I want three egg, two crab
paste and one avocado and black pudding with white and
tomato ketchup... And a can of tiser!

Let's start getting heavy!

Richie: Did you get all that? ... Yeah? ... Yeah!! ... Yeah?

Eddie: Yeah!!!

Richie: Hah!

Eddie: What does he say?

Richie: He said throw out the cassette now, or he'll kill us immediately.

Eddie: All right, well let's start negotiating downwards...
Ah, what about Ritz crackers, twiglets, those little cheesy nibbly
things...

Richie: Right, right, ok, leave it to me, Eddie.
[on phone] Hello, We take your point on the sandwiches...
Er, what's your position on canapes? ... Oh, oh damn.
Suppose a helicopter's out of the question, then is it?
Oh, what about a nudey evening with Carol Barnes, the
popular news reader?

[Eddie grabs the phone and shouts]

Eddie: LOOK! I want half a curly-wurly and a packet of love
hearts, and that's me final offer!!

[A burst of machine gun fire sprays across the wall and
windows, Richie slams the phone down & the both hit the deck]

Circumstances can change awfully quickly these days, can't they?

Richie: Well, this is the seventies, after all, Eddie.

[Eddie looks at Richie confused. The phone rings again]

Oooh! [they stand up and Richie answers it] Hello?
For-for-for, For-for-forfor? ... It's them again!

[Eddie craps his dacks again]

Yes, hello, The colander.

[indicates the bullet holes in the walls]

Yes, we got your hint.

Eddie, throw down the video.

Eddie: Right you are.

[he picks up the VCR and throws it out of the window.]

What does he say?

Richie: He says... Ow! Go A squad'[hangs up the phone]

Eddie: Go A squad?

Richie: GO A SQUAD!!!!


[Four members of the SAS burst into the room through the windows, door and
ceiling. They line up, machine guns pointed at Richie and Eddie]

Both: OH SHIT!!

[The SAS start firing, slow motion shots of the guns firing and blood spurting
from the chests of Richie and Eddie, freeze frame, the end.]
_____________________________________________________________________

 

Rep to anyone who can find and post a link to this scene.

[Total Longo]

The Bee Gees vs Chaka Khan Wild West showdown in Big Train is just amazing.

 

Pretty much everything in the first season of Big Train actually.

[Mook]

The Bee Gees vs Chaka Khan Wild West showdown in Big Train is just amazing.

 

Pretty much everything in the first season of Big Train actually.

The postie shooting the dog.

[Trumo]

Bottom, Carnival

 

 

 

Rep to anyone who can find and post a link to this scene.

 

Ask and ye shall receive.

 

http://vimeo.com/90538138

[Total Longo]

Bob Newhart's woeful "Speech" at Krusty's funeral in The Simpsons cracks me up as well. Homer's perfectly timed tear at the end of the scene is absolute genius.

[Trumo]

The skiing lodge scene in Frasier where everybody's jumping into each other's bed in the mistaken belief they're going to get laid, purely because Frasier's dad has temporary deafness and mis-advised everyone as to each others' intentions. Frasier's quote anfter realising that nobody was after him is pure genius.

 

Also from Frasier, the scene where he dashes back to do his radio show after a long argument with a car park attendant. The main topic of discussion amongst his callers is the night he slept with his producer Roz and they want to know more about it. He's unaware of this and keeps talking about the car park argument, inadvertently implying that Roz is a massive slag (which she is!) to all his listeners. She's there in the producer's booth mortified.