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Words or Phrases that get on Your T*ts


VladimirIlyich
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I've got a colleague who uses the office phrases all the time. Does my fucking head in so I don't talk to him if I can avoid it. "Touch base" seems to be his favourite at the moment. This is the type of person who spreads his workload out to last all day, even when everyone knows he's just dicking about on the internet... then he'll say "What time are you leaving today? Got a load of payments that I need to have authorised by close of play".

 

1 - Stop fucking around and do it now. I'm leaving at the same time as usual to pick my daughter up from nursery.

2 - Close of play. Fuck you. This isn't play, it's work. And you're shit at it, by the way.

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I've got a colleague who uses the office phrases all the time. Does my fucking head in so I don't talk to him if I can avoid it. "Touch base" seems to be his favourite at the moment. This is the type of person who spreads his workload out to last all day, even when everyone knows he's just dicking about on the internet... then he'll say "What time are you leaving today? Got a load of payments that I need to have authorised by close of play".

 

1 - Stop fucking around and do it now. I'm leaving at the same time as usual to pick my daughter up from nursery.

2 - Close of play. Fuck you. This isn't play, it's work. And you're shit at it, by the way.

 

Just fucking twat him you quim.

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I've got a colleague who uses the office phrases all the time. Does my fucking head in so I don't talk to him if I can avoid it. "Touch base" seems to be his favourite at the moment. This is the type of person who spreads his workload out to last all day, even when everyone knows he's just dicking about on the internet... then he'll say "What time are you leaving today? Got a load of payments that I need to have authorised by close of play".

 

1 - Stop fucking around and do it now. I'm leaving at the same time as usual to pick my daughter up from nursery.

2 - Close of play. Fuck you. This isn't play, it's work. And you're shit at it, by the way.

 

I have a friend who says 'touch base' when making social arrangements. I do love her but I wish she wouldnt say that

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I will give you lid but not lad.

 

It's become used by twats but is still used by those of us with male offspring in the way it was originally intended. Also I often use the words 'soft lad' when males do silly things.

Yeah but soft lad is a mild insult it's said how it's intended. I'm not doing something dopey or being mildly chastised by someone who cares enough not to be too harsh. I don't like being addressed as lid or lad especially by strange scallys or people I vaguely know but worse by people who know my name such as my mates girlfriend who is about 10 years younger than me. Yalrrrrighhht lad. Yeah I'm fine scally bitch.

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Agree with all the "office" phrases...

 

But one that gets me is "take on board"...as in "need to take on board some fluids"...

 

Bollox...why not just say "have a drink of water"...

 

What are they...a boat or a plane or something?

"Getting drinks on board."

 

Is a particularly annoying one used in cricket commentary. Along with "hooping" and "putting it in the right areas".

 

"Genuine" anything as well. Like genuine pace or genuine edge.

 

Genuine cunts.

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Furnish

 

I used to speak to some bell end solicitor who thought he was some shit hot LA Law type and whenever I asked him for the reference number of a client he had he always said "yes, I will furnish you with the number"

 

I flipped on him one day asking did he have any idea how much of a twat he sounded.

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