Mice

[Anubis]

Just spied a mouse running in my hall...   ...and my heavily pregnant missus nearly went into labour.

 

I hate to be the one to break this to you, but your missus is about to become part of a selective club.

 

http://www.urbanreflex.com/jul26_02/ivf.html

[Mike D]

[SammyAftershave]

I also hate the way they throw their weight about as if they own everything.. Are they not men?

[Bobby Hundreds]

Buy a cat to eat the mouse then a dog to eat the cat I can't remember what came next in the rhyme what eats dogs I don't think it was Koreans I think it was cow which is absurd..... Why did she swallow that fly.

[razor]

I hate mice.  As in really hate and fear them.  Fuge's suggestion that there are more of them waiting behind your wall made me make a noise.

 

I don't know if this irrational fear/hatred stemmed from a previous experience, but it could be:

 

1.  There was a mouse in our kitchen.  My wife screamed and told me to get it.  I picked up the biggest towel we had and held it open ready.  She (bravely, actually) moved the bread bin, forcing it to run along the kitchen worktop.  I threw the towel over it.  But somehow, and I still don't understand how it could do this, it jumped OVER the oncoming towel and ONTO me.  It was on my chest and I could hear its feet scrabbling up my jumper!  Apparently I screamed like Flanders and knocked it onto the floor and it ran off.  I had to have a good sit down and a hot cup of extra-sweet tea.

 

2.  The rats we heard every night joyously fighting / playing / going about their business when we first moved into a new house.  We thought it was birds on the roof at first, then we hoped it was birds on the roof, then we prayed in denial that it was birds on the roof.  But it was night time.  And birds don't come into your kitchen and nibble on cake.

 

Seriously, Paulie, move out.  Just leave that infested muther and check into a cheap motel.  Forever.

[Paulie Dangerously]

No sightings since. Had traps out with peanut butter or bacon rinds as bait. No trappings.

[Trumo]

[Alan Sex]

[Bjornebye]

No sightings since. Had traps out with peanut butter or bacon rinds as bait. No trappings.

Fussy little cunt.

 

Try some nice pate and a small bowl of your finest red.

 

"He is maggin you off like a two-bob...." As Danny Dyer would say

[Paulie Dangerously]

I actually have some imported foie gras I've been saving for a special occasion. I'll use it to slay this monster

[razor]

There's mice at your motel, too?

[PestiRed]

I might pop round in a mouse costume if you're giving away free foie gras

[Mook]

We've got a fucking super mouse running about in our kitchen, we've got the sonic plugs, traps everywhere with the peanut butter, all the food put away in tupperware boxes & a giant fucking cat. Yet everytime you leave the kitchen it starts leaping about like Billy Elliot leaving its trail of shit & piss behind it.

 

It's really starting to get the missus down as she's having to clean the kitchen every morning before breakfast.

 

Anybody got any other bright ideas? We've talked about getting another (hard as fuck) cat.

[VladimirIlyich]

12 minutes ago, Mook said:

We've got a fucking super mouse running about in our kitchen, we've got the sonic plugs, traps everywhere with the peanut butter, all the food put away in tupperware boxes & a giant fucking cat. Yet everytime you leave the kitchen it starts leaping about like Billy Elliot leaving its trail of shit & piss behind it.

 

It's really starting to get the missus down as she's having to clean the kitchen every morning before breakfast.

 

Anybody got any other bright ideas? We've talked about getting another (hard as fuck) cat.

Told you cats are useless fuckers. Hope this helps.

[Grinch]

It shouldn't even be showing its face with your cat there! 

[General Dryness]

1 minute ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Told you cats are useless fuckers. Hope this helps.

Bit of a sweeping statement there. It depends on the cat. Like people, some of them are useless fuckers.

 

We've had mice, but not for very long. Because we have Charlie. And he's a cunt.

 

 

[Trumo]

Shove it up your arse?

 

The mouse that is, not the cat. I'm not a sick cunt.

[Oh Buoy]

Ask them if they want to buy any of Ushers merch.

[Mook]

4 hours ago, General Dryness said:

Bit of a sweeping statement there. It depends on the cat. Like people, some of them are useless fuckers.

 

We've had mice, but not for very long. Because we have Charlie. And he's a cunt.

 

 

This will sound like a pisstake but in our old flat I once caught Art sitting watching a mouse eating out of his food bowl, as in 'help yourself wee man'.

 

There's more chance of Elvis catching our mouse than that fat bastard.

[Tony Moanero]

Seal off the kitchen, never use it again and live off takeaways.

[Jairzinho]

The cat can go in the summer.

[Bjornebye]

6 hours ago, Mook said:

We've got a fucking super mouse running about in our kitchen, we've got the sonic plugs, traps everywhere with the peanut butter, all the food put away in tupperware boxes & a giant fucking cat. Yet everytime you leave the kitchen it starts leaping about like Billy Elliot leaving its trail of shit & piss behind it.

 

It's really starting to get the missus down as she's having to clean the kitchen every morning before breakfast.

 

Anybody got any other bright ideas? We've talked about getting another (hard as fuck) cat.

Get Lifey round to cook you dinner. I don't even think you'll get a fly through the window once thats been put out. 

[Anubis]

Get rid of the useless cat. Build the mouse a little house with a mini litter tray and a generous supply of cheese.

[Atticus Finch]

Eees  hhhamster

[Butch]

Mice are sound.