Worst you've ever been bladdered?

[Harry Squatter]

I've been pissed quite a few times but three occasions I've been barely able to walk/talk or remember anything from the night before.

 

First time was when I was 16 and went out with people from work. Started drinking at 3 in the Merton and started on Vodkas, Whisky and Cider. Ripped my entire stomach lining out spewing up in the bogs, somehow managed to get a taxi even though i spoke like Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot. Got home, spewed up in the sink constantly in front of my shocked sister, my Dad had a go at me but I just laughed and went to he'd where I stayed for about 3 days with alcohol poisoning.

 

Second was when I was working at a restaurant in Waterloo, I popped in to see my mate who was working, there was a wedding at the place the next day so the boss said to my mate he was fucking off and left it to him. My mate asked me to stay behind and help him, I said "only if I get free drinks" my mate said that I should fill my boots. I got 2 pint glasses, one I filled up with Stella 3 times and the other I just went along every spirit optic getting a double. I did this twice and then all of a sudden I felt like someone had volleyed me in the balls with a steel toe capped Dr Martin. I needed to get some fresh air so went outside and ended up falling asleep on the pavement for an hour. I woke up, spewed up all over the pavement and went back asleep. I couldn't talk, stand or move of the floor. My mate ends up calling my brother and they carried me a mile home. I had to work the next day and somehow managed to get up.

 

I went on my mates stag do to Manchester and on the way there I was drinking Duvel and Tyskie. A few other lad were on the coach and I was calling them quegs for drinking Carling. We got to the place in Manchester and I had 2 pints on Cider then I felt completely fucked. I spewed everywhere and was doing a Trevor Berbick all over the pub we were in. I had a brilliant brainwave and risked getting bummed by staggering through Canal Street towards the train station.

 

My mate said they went looking for me but saw me trying to get a ticket out the machine at Piccadilly station but I ended up punching and kicking the shit out of the machine. My mate said they would have stepped in to help but thought it was hilarious that I was having a drunken fight with a ticket machine before getting a £65 taxi back to Liverpool.

[Elite]

When I was 16 two mates were around mine as I had a free house. I ended necking a bottle of vodka and remember redecorating the walls by throwing left over pizza all over them, playing football with a full size gym ball down my road and waking up with my head in a pan of sick. Good times.

[Sugar Ape]

My stag do was pretty bad. After about 18 hours drinking I punched my best man in the face, ran away from my mates in front of a car which slammed on then rolled across the bonnet like Mel Gibson and carried on running.

 

Woke up on the floor in the toilet off the lobby in a hotel about two miles from my my own getting hit in the face by some ancient Spanish women with a feather duster shouting ' You go now ' at me, walked outside and it was pissing down, rain drops like 50p's and this was in Salou in the middle of June so I got drenched.

 

I've had worse than that though I'm sure. I'll have a think.

[Remmie]

My 18th at a mate's house. Drank 4 stellas and every time a guest arrived I did a Tequila shot with them and finished a the 1 Litre bottle in about 45 minutes. My friends then gave me my birthday present of a bottle of Vodka, my last memory is someone pouring a glass down my neck whilst I was dancing with my mate on my shoulders. The vodka was finished pretty quickly as my mates were making me vodka & orange but the orange was just for colouring. Apparently I was running round the house all excited about my birthday with my shirt off high fiving everyone twelfty times. I woke up face down in a couch covered in my own vomit and possibly piss with a rug wrapped round me. I was still drunk for about 2 more days. Somehow loads of fit birds from A level had turned up and somehow I got nowhere with them.

[Jairzinho]

College trip to Berlin, think I was 17.  Another coach load of students from Bavaria were there. We drunk the bar dry between us, finishing at about six in the morning. Up at eight for a day of visiting museums. The actual night drinking was excellent, I even ended up pulling. The next day however, wasn't quite so good. I must have been sick at least 20 times. Some in my room, some on the coach, lots of times in the museum, a little bit in my hand. The last five or so were purely bile. Apparently I'd turned a fluorescent green. The entire day was a truly appalling experience, aside from being horrendously hungover, and still drunk, our coach got pelted with stones by a load of neo-nazis (we were visiting the Jewish Museum). I don't know if anyone else has ever been, but they have a holocaust memorial that looks like this -

 

 

...which obviously is acutely poignant. Unfortunately, at the time, it felt like I was on Crystal Maze, on acid. Just horrendous. It was an excruciating experience which I still remember vividly. I no doubt offended many people.

 

Either that or my 18th birthday where I rugby tackled a mannequin and ended up on the front page of the town's newspaper.

 

Neither are what I'd describe as fond memories.

[Sugar Ape]

Another bad time was when I was sharing a flat with my mate in Orrell Park. He was meeting this hairdresser bird in town and she was bringing a mate so I got roped into going on a date with her. I just assumed she'd be fat and shit as you do, so drank 6 cans and a whole litre bottle of Apple Sourz to myself before we went. ( I thought because it was ' only ' 15% it wouldn't affect me )

 

Got to town and this bird was the spit of Avril Lavigne, I necked her and she said she would come back the flat with her mate. We were walking through Church Street to get a taxi and she got a burger from one of the vans there. I'm a veggie but I never preach to anyone, but for some reason I told her she disgusted me and left them and went to Mathew street and carried on drinking on my own.

 

Got into a taxi with about £3 and got turfed out in the middle of nowhere with no money. Phoned my dad who lived miles away at 3am ( who sounded delighted to be woken up by his 24 year old son, made worse by the fact him and my mum have never drunk alcohol so have little tolerance for bladdered people ) and had the following conversation:

 

Me: Dad, I need you to come and pick me up, I'm drunk and haven't got any money to get home.

 

Him: You little shit, where are you?

 

Me: Don't know I'm lost.

 

Him: Can you see any street names or shops or anything?

 

Me: No, can't see anything.

 

Him: There must be something you recognise?

 

Me: No there's nothing:

 

Him: Well I can't come and get you then.

 

Me: Hang on there is a statue of Dixie Dean in front of me.

 

Him: Is Goodison behind the fucking statue?

 

Me: Oh yeah...

 

He then picked me up and driving down Southport road doing about 50 mph, I told him he was going the wrong way, unfastened my seat belt and opened the door. He slammed on and I had to sit there for 5 minutes while he threatened to beat me to death.

[Remmie]

Tried to pull girls in a nightclub by standing at the bottom of the steps to the dancefloor and hugging them...and not letting go. How I didn't get battered or kicked out I'll never know.

[Bjornebye]

the night i let her turn the taps off when i had a shit

 

 

 

(trumo - that ones for you) 

[Joe Le Taxi]

Last Saturday I had a game of poker with some mates from 3 other mates from work and we got a bottle of jager about 40 bottles of beer and 10 tinnies. After that we went to a bar and I had a couple more pints and loads of glasses of gin.

 

Next thing I remember I was shouting weird shit at people, fell asleep at the bar with a bottle of Bud in my hand (didn't spill a drop apparently) and stumbled outside.

 

I then tried to chuck myself in the fucking River Trent and had to be taken home by my manager from work after trying not to throw up in the taxi and dropping half a pizza on me.

 

Fun times.

[Joe Le Taxi]

I was also raped by a taxi driver once.

[Hand Shandy]

Twice.

[Remmie]

Three times a rapee

[kopboy11]

Three times a rapee

Excellent.

[RJ Fan club]

Too many to mention.

 

Went to my mates houseparty having never met her housemates yet. I took 16 cans of Kronenbourg and a bottle of tequila. I drank most of lager, then started the tequila with a French girl who started the slammers.

 

About an hour later, with little recollection of much else between, I was puking on my mates step, the neighbours Vespa and apparently calling the neighbours dog 'one noisy little cunt'.

 

I was taken home in a cab, not of my own doing. It was still light out.

[RJ Fan club]

My 21st, at Uni in Brum; ended with me and a mate from home pissing in the central reservation of Smallbrook Queensway singing 'Scousers here, Scousers there, Scousers fucking everywhere'. A paramedic stopped us, they got short shrift and we got cabs home where amazingly one of my other less twatted housemates puked down the side of the taxi.

 

I drank a lot in my defence, it was my prime. Reckon a good 15 pints from the early evening, various double Johnny Walker black labels then a pint of top shelf which I necked.

[RJ Fan club]

Paddy's day 1999 we tried to tip a Citroen 2CV into a canal in Amsterdam.

 

We were on a week long Uni field trip, the night ended with about 20 of us having robbed bike bells ringing them through the hotel. Also ordered a 5am wake up call for our course leader.

 

They had beer venders as well, so we carried on in the lobby. I seem to remember we spent most of the lobby time either buffing out shoes, firing cans out of the shoe buff or accusing every single female of being on the game,

[Bjornebye]

I was also raped by a taxi driver once.

 

Stop the internet 

[Sugar Ape]

Stop the internet 

 

You missed it did you?

 

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/index.php?/topic/99673-need-urgent-help/

[Harry Squatter]

Two years ago me and my mates went for some Tapas in St Helen's. the idea was to have our food then do a train ride pub crawl getting off at every stop until town. Anyway we had a few beers and 4 bottles of wine and got twatted.

 

The tapas place is right next to St Helen's Central with a pub called the royal Albert next to it. 3 trains got cancelled so we just went in the pub and drank Sambuca, Vodka and Jaegermeister. We then got to the train station and our train had been delayed again so we all legged it back over the bridge and back into the pub and had another round of Sambucas. Got back to the station and the train was delayed another ten minutes. For some reason me and my mate ran back over the bridge and back in the pub. The girl behind the bar took ages serving us and I was getting a bit pissed off and she started gabbing to us. I just said "just fucking hurry up". And she just slammed two Sambucas on the bar then told us to get out. Legged it back over the bridge but by the time our train came there was no way we could have completed our pub crawl.

 

My mate suggested we get off in Thatto Heath and go to some pub called the Elephant. We were all pretty fucked anyway and the pub was half empty with a few regulars. For some reason I decided to do karaoke and I've never considered doing it before but as I was completely fucked and in a pub full of strangers I never cared. I sung "Golden years" by David Bowie but my mate said I sounded like a cross between Bane and a posh Tory MP. My mate sung Purple Rain but introduced his own lyrics and called his song "purple vein". I sung "I'm too sexy" by Right Said Fred whilst doing pressups on the dance floor with no top on and tried singing Emotional Rescue by the Rolling Stones before my voice packed in.

 

Some al fella at the bar said I was gay for drinking Sambuca so I bought him one and ordered him to swig it and he started staggering everywhere about ten minutes later. My mate said at one point I went behind the bar and helped myself to 3 bottles of Corona because I was fed up of waiting for the barmaid to come back off her ciggy break. I did leave money so didn't nick them.

 

My mate said I disappeared for 20 minutes and they found me outside standing up but asleep with my head rested on a pipe outside. We got in a taxi but I was too done in to speak so

My mates just dropped me off in the vicinity of my house, as I walked back to my road I walked into a load of wheelie bins and fell over. I vaguely remember speaking to my mrs before going to bed.

 

The next day I went to give her a kiss and she said "you are joking".

 

Apparently I went into a massive rant at her because she was still up and was moaning about me being pissed. I had a go at her calling her a cunt and to stop checking up on me. She wasn't impressed but I had no recollection of any of it.

[Pidge]

I was rocking 20/30% dickhead consistently for a few hours last night, can't remember doing anything genuinely bad though. Which led to a sense of bemusement and confusion being a dominant feature in my hungover state as there's usually one clear bellend moment.

[RJ Fan club]

About 2004/05 ish we were supposed to go yo the motor show at the NEC in Brum. Me and two of my mates ducked out of it while a mate who organised it and his Irish mates went.

 

We sat in the pub from 11am and got bladdered. Didn't move till around 7pm and met the others in the Walkabout. We drank on got more and more twatted and moved to club, Surfers Paradise; down stairs.

 

I then took it upon myself to have a drinking contest with one of my mates Irish mates which resulted in about £40 worth of shorts going down pretty quickly at the end of the night.

 

Me and said lad had no more drinking time. So we stood on Broad Street taking turns of piece to kick each other in the balls as hard as possible. It went on for a good ten minutes. Woke up in the morning with sore balls but a more painful headache.

 

I've not seen the lad since, but my mate has a stag do in Ireland planned in August and me & Sean will doubtlessly cross paths again.

[sir roger]

Went on a stag do in Liverpool in the 80's and got pissed & fell asleep in the Sportsman. My 'mates' put me in one of those old round bins that used to have stones cemented into them. I woke up freezing a couple of hours & was walking round like I had scoliosis for days.

[withnail71]

Sunday 11th May 2014. Ive got it pencilled in. 

[RJ Fan club]

Sunday 11th May 2014. Ive got it pencilled in.

I'm in Reykjavik. I've got an appointment with the bank manager!

[Remmie]

I'll be in Majorca with a M*n c*ty fan and a few M*n Un*ted fans as well. This is probably an awful thing but I reckon I'll enjoy it