little things that annoy the shit out of you

[RoboRiise]

Shit biros, or birs if Bunce Brigade prefers.  More accurately, my employer's insistence on providing them.  I have a PC on my desk with two brand new 21" widescreen monitors, a chair that cost about £500, yet when I sign a letter I do so using a scratchy piece of shit pen that looks like they got a pack of 1,000 from Poundland, I might as well use a stick dipped in piss.

[Chairman Meow]

You also get to write on that quality "white" paper they use as well. 

 

When I was still there I used free pens I got from the suppliers at the garage, the pens I got for free being better than the ones the civil service paid for. 

[RoboRiise]

You also get to write on that quality "white" paper they use as well. 

 

When I was still there I used free pens I got from the suppliers at the garage, the pens I got for free being better than the ones the civil service paid for. 

 

I've been here long enough to remember when we actually used proper white paper.  This stuff looks like recycled bog roll, the recycling process presumably consisting of someone fishing it out of the bog with a stick and leaving it on a radiator to dry.

 

I gave up using my own pens because I either leave them in a meeting room, or some snide robs them.  It's probably one of Manchester's biggest crime hotspots this office, can't even leave a butty in the fridge without someone having it away.

[A Red]

Pen pushers

[RoboRiise]

Pen pushers

 

Yeah because nobody who works in an office can possibly do anything worthwhile.  Good luck using any public services at all, educating your kids or getting healthcare without me and my colleagues.

[Mook]

Yeah because nobody who works in an office can possibly do anything worthwhile.  Good luck using any public services at all, educating your kids or getting healthcare without me and my colleagues.

 

I think his post might've been a bit more light hearted than that.

 

I've only ever worked in an office & I had a wee chuckle when I saw it.

[RoboRiise]

I think his post might've been a bit more light hearted than that.

 

I've only ever worked in an office & I had a wee chuckle when I saw it.

 

Mine was hardly serious mate, I'd have just called him a cunt if it was.  Sorry, I guess deadpan doesn't always come across well online.

[Mook]

Mine was hardly serious mate, I'd have just called him a cunt if it was.  Sorry, I guess deadpan doesn't always come across well online.

 

My mistake, I'm off to play with my Duplo for the rest of the afternoon instead of making a prize twat of myself on here.

[RJ Fan club]

Shit biros, or birs if Bunce Brigade prefers. More accurately, my employer's insistence on providing them. I have a PC on my desk with two brand new 21" widescreen monitors, a chair that cost about £500, yet when I sign a letter I do so using a scratchy piece of shit pen that looks like they got a pack of 1,000 from Poundland, I might as well use a stick dipped in piss.

Bic Orange? Just give me a fucking Bic Crystal, there's probably about 2p in it.

 

Or god forbid a recycled piece of Eco shit that says on the side "This pen used to be a 14" plastic black cock" or something or other. Might not be dildo, might be car tyre.

[RoboRiise]

Bic Orange? Just give me a fucking Bic Crystal, there's probably about 2p in it.

 

Or god forbid a recycled piece of Eco shit that says on the side "This pen used to be a 14" plastic black cock" or something or other. Might not be dildo, might be car tyre.

 

Bic?  I dream of Bics mate, a Bic crystal is the perfect office scribe's tool.

 

Ours are from Banner, the former HMSO.  Everything they make is like shit you would have got in East Germany around 1973.

[RJ Fan club]

Bic? I dream of Bics mate, a Bic crystal is the perfect office scribe's tool.

 

Ours are from Banner, the former HMSO. Everything they make is like shit you would have got in East Germany around 1973.

 

Obviously Dave's cut backs haven't affected us in Surrey and Sussex local government too much, yet.

 

Can I balls get a pair of scissors that cut or a call of string though.

[RoboRiise]

Obviously Dave's cut backs haven't affected us in Surrey and Sussex local government too much, yet.

 

Can I balls get a pair of scissors that cut or a call of string though.

 

I'm in Salford and work for central government, a perfect storm of Cameron hatred.  I'm surprised we haven't been told to just fingerpaint our signatures in our own shit to be honest.

[RJ Fan club]

I'm in Salford and work for central government, a perfect storm of Cameron hatred. I'm surprised we haven't been told to just fingerpaint our signatures in our own shit to be honest.

Yeah I just moved from a very urban authority. The settlements make Shylock seem generous, yet a few miles up the road, the money flows where it isn't particularly needed.

[Trumo]

Bic?  I dream of Bics mate, a Bic crystal is the perfect office scribe's tool.

 

[A Red]

Yeah because nobody who works in an office can possibly do anything worthwhile.  Good luck using any public services at all, educating your kids or getting healthcare without me and my colleagues.

I was only bustin your balls. Now go get your fuckin shine box

[Chairman Meow]

I got two Sharpies at one point. It was like winning the lottery. 

[RoboRiise]

I got two Sharpies at one point. It was like winning the lottery. 

 

You do realise that about 10,000 of us will be sharing a stapler for three years to pay for your indulgence.  Bastard.

 

I hope you robbed them when you left.

[Dr Nowt]

Cleaning scrambled egg from a frying pan. 

[alles ist gut]

Trying to wash stuff out of a sieve.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Trying to wash stuff out of a sieve.

 

Heat the seive with a blow torch until it turns orange then chuck it in some snow.

 

Presto, clean.

[alles ist gut]

Heat the seive with a blow torch until it turns orange then chuck it in some snow.

 

Presto, clean.

 

I'll try that, maybe some time that there's some snow about that no-one's tried to write their name in, on the way home from the pub

 

 

KIDS: Don't eat the yellow snow. This has been a public information film.

[cloggypop]

Trying to wash stuff out of a sieve.

[Chairman Meow]

You do realise that about 10,000 of us will be sharing a stapler for three years to pay for your indulgence.  Bastard.

 

I hope you robbed them when you left.

 

I now use them to mark up which corner my alloy wheels should be on for the rally car as I ran out of tyre chalk. I also managed a couple of Staedtler permanent markers as well. 

[Chairman Meow]

Just think of the greater good you are doing Robo, sharing that stapler so I can put my Sharpie to good use.

 

 

 

[Liverpool lad]

People who make their jobs sound like rocket science when the reality is they won't want others to see what they do all day because you will work out what a lazy cunt they are.  I used to work for a student property company and we had this tit who made everything he did sound like it was a task only the finest minds could take on. We had a thing called mapping.  Basically you had hundreds of rooms and you had to ensure that they were filled with the right mix of students in the flats. So if you they wanted all female they got all female.  Really fucking simple, allocate the room and then send the documentation to them.

 

This fucking tit would make a big deal saying he was mapping all afternoon and sit there looking at the screen like he was a codebreaker.  He would have a list of twenty students and a spreadsheet for the property, just put them in flats that meet their preferences. The tit used to wind me up, I can just see him now chewing slowly staring intently at the screen.

 

In a nutshell, I hate people taking the piss