little things that annoy the shit out of you

[Dr Nowt]

On the subject of CV's, my cousins ex boyfriend was a proper mong and he once left his laptop at her house so I decided to make a few alterations to his CV. Instead of being able to refurb and repair white goods, he became a retard that repairs them. He also wanks well on his own or as part of a team. Asked him a while later if he'd had any joy finding a job. He said he'd applied for loads and strangely had no responses.

 

Awesome sabotage.  A couple of my old mates lived together in a shared house at Uni.  During a party one of them spotted the other's passport in his room when he was off his twat, and drew a swastika in it.  He then completely forgot about this and it only came to light when the other one went to Cuba with his bird, and ended up in a little room at the airport on his own for hours with a couple of customs dudes screaming in his face, turning his case upside down and asking him loads of dodgy questions.  Swears blind he never got a body cavity search, but I fail to believe this as he said he thought they were going to kick fuck out of him at one point and were as aggressive as he's ever seen anyone.

[Hooch]

My biggest problem with CV's is remembering which version I applied for the job with.

 

I have 3 CV's each one emphasising different qualities and experience relevant to a certain type of work.

Can be awkward in an interview setting if you can't remember how great you are meant to be at something.

[Champ]

When they signal snow and weather warnings for days in advance and then nothing happens. I love a bit of 'Arctic conditions' and 'treacherous roads.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

I realise the joke will be on me when I get stuck in a drift on the bypass later

[Captain Turdseye]

When you put your phone on charge in another room, then go back to get it 45 minutes later and realise you didn't switch it on at the wall.

[Bob]

My biggest problem with CV's is remembering which version I applied for the job with.

 

I have 3 CV's each one emphasising different qualities and experience relevant to a certain type of work.

Can be awkward in an interview setting if you can't remember how great you are meant to be at something.

Surely realising what the interview seems to be about would give you a clue as to which of the job specific CVs you used.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

No doubt this has been raised before but Jobsworth cunts deserve to be stoned to death. By me.

 

I was in our kitchen this morning and a woman was making up sandwiches (hereby SM the sandwich maker). We had some clients popping over for a small meeting and it's not worth ordering outside caterers. It's not her job. It's not anyone's job in our office, but people just do it, it's not a big deal. As an IT department we work with our heads buried in code most of the day so any 10 minute break from that is welcomed. Anyway, cue this fucking mess of a woman coming in, who shall hereby be referred to as JC the Jobsworth Cuntstick:

 

JC: "What are you making?"

SM: "Just some sandwiches for a meeting this morning.

JC: "Who said you had to do that?"

SM: "Well Colin asked me and I said yes, I don't mind really."

JC: "You shouldn't have to do that. You should just refuse next time."

SM: "Refuse? No, I don't mind, it takes 10 minutes."

JC: "If they keep asking you to do that I'd go to HR if I were you."

SM: "Well, it's only once every so often and we all take turns."

JC: "I can't believe they have you locked up in the kitchen making sandwiches."

 

Give it a rest you insufferable bollocks. Just because you want to continue your fucking futile existence belligerently refusing to do anything for anyone, it doesn't mean you have to plant your fucking disgusting seeds of shit in other peoples mind. Now fuck off and die so we can all enjoy a happier workplace.

[Hooch]

To be fair I think she was (kind of) on your side there.

 

Take your point though if you don't mind doing it and everyone else mucks in fairly its not an issue.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

To be fair I think she was (kind of) on your side there.

 

Take your point though if you don't mind doing it and everyone else mucks in fairly its not an issue.

 

It wasn't me making them. And she was pushing, trying to force an issue where there never has been. I think the most shocking thing about the conversation was how irate she was, despite SM clearly being perfectly fine with it. If somebody said they couldn't/didn't want to they'd just go across the road and get a small platter made up.

 

I just think that some people are so 'offended' when asked to do something outside their JD. Suck it up for fuck sakes, nobodies asking heads of department to scrub the toilets for a week. If, sometimes, you need to photocopy some paperwork, then just fucking get on with it instead of whining. If you're asked to spend 10 minutes taking down xmas decorations, don't spend 20 minutes with a face like a kicked badger saying "but I didn't ask to put them up, did I?". Just grow the fuck up.

 

EDIT: Just for context, I work for Local government. Nobody is too busy to stop what they aren't doing anyway for half an hour, let alone 10 minutes. Fucking soft-shites.

[Trumo]

People who constantly run to HR however trivial their perceived grievances are one of the banes of the modern working environment, along with jobsworths and incompetents. In fact, I'd say they are often one and the same person.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

People who constantly run to HR however trivial their perceived grievances are one of the banes of the modern working environment, along with jobsworths and incompetents. In fact, I'd say they are often one and the same person.

 

This. Especially in the public sector. You'd have to cut your bosses head off and stick it in the communal fridge to get sacked. And they know it. "My boss is telling me i'm doing something wrong, HR. Make him stop. He's not allowed to make me feel stupid for not being able to file a fucking document in the right place, by politely reminding me where it is supposed to go. I want compo." Eat a dick you useless fucking amoeba. 

[magicrat]

Cunts that hang these in their car window. Its says everything about their brain size and fuck all about their parenting capbailties

 

 

[Mook]

I used to moan about those 'Baby on Board' signs & was informed that it's in case there's an accident & the baby is hidden in the wreckage, there's more chance of them being found.

 

Which makes it a bit harder to moan about.

[magicrat]

I used to moan about those 'Baby on Board' signs & was informed that it's in case there's an accident & the baby is hidden in the wreckage, there's more chance of them being found.

 

Which makes it a bit harder to moan about.

 

Harder but impossible.  I'm getting one of these

[RoboRiise]

I used to moan about those 'Baby on Board' signs & was informed that it's in case there's an accident & the baby is hidden in the wreckage, there's more chance of them being found.

 

Which makes it a bit harder to moan about.

 

It would if that was actually the reason that Chardonnay from Ilford bought one, rather than it merely being a statement that says 'Hey look, I'm the most amazing person you are ever likely to meet just because I was able to endure 10 minutes of perfunctory sex from my fat, ignorant fella and then managed to concieve a child, in exactly the same way as women have been doing since the dawn of fucking time.  Worship me."

[Mook]

10 minutes of sex?

 

Is she married to fucking Sting?

[bouncebrigade]

It would if that was actually the reason that Chardonnay from Ilford bought one, rather than it merely being a statement that says 'Hey look, I'm the most amazing person you are ever likely to meet just because I was able to endure 10 minutes of perfunctory sex from my fat, ignorant fella and then managed to concieve a child, in exactly the same way as women have been doing since the dawn of fucking time.  Worship me."

 

I must admit, that's not the first thing I think of when I see one of those signs.  But maybe that's a reflection on me.

[bouncebrigade]

I used to moan about those 'Baby on Board' signs & was informed that it's in case there's an accident & the baby is hidden in the wreckage, there's more chance of them being found.

 

Which makes it a bit harder to moan about.

 

In the words of a wise man:  "Mook79 knows."

[lifetime fan]

People who constantly run to HR however trivial their perceived grievances are one of the banes of the modern working environment, along with jobsworths and incompetents. In fact, I'd say they are often one and the same person.

 

 

Think I've posted this before...

 

A mate of mine put his name forward for voluntary redundancy but was turned down as the payout would have been pretty big and they wanted to fuck off all the staff that would cost them a fraction of Frank's payout.

 

Anyway he decided to try and make their life hell (without going so far as to be sacked) to get them to change their minds and let him go.

 

My favourite trick he pulled was a complaint he emailed to the head of HR and the board of directors complaining the company had breached data protection rules by not asking him if he minded having his tea and coffee preferences on a list on the wall in the staff room.

[Trumo]

I used to moan about those 'Baby on Board' signs & was informed that it's in case there's an accident & the baby is hidden in the wreckage, there's more chance of them being found.

 

Like the 3 tonnes of baby paraphernalia strewn across the road isn't a big enough giveaway?

[RoboRiise]

I must admit, that's not the first thing I think of when I see one of those signs.  But maybe that's a reflection on me.

 

All joking aside, the only people I've ever asked about why they bought them said it's 'so that other drivers know to be careful because I have a baby in the car'  which is basically mental in my opinion since most drivers I know don't habitually try to ram people off the road/into concrete bridge supports to begin with and if they are that kind of inconsiderate driver, I really doubt that a £1.99 sign from Halfords is going to make any critical difference.

 

As for letting people know there's a baby on board in the event of a crash, they're held on with a 2p suction cup.  Unless you fix the thing onto the window with araldite, pretty sure it's coming off in a crash that's serious enough for rescue workers to be combing through the wreckage anyway.

[bouncebrigade]

All joking aside, the only people I've ever asked about why they bought them said it's 'so that other drivers know to be careful because I have a baby in the car'  which is basically mental in my opinion since most drivers I know don't habitually try to ram people off the road/into concrete bridge supports to begin with and if they are that kind of inconsiderate driver, I really doubt that a £1.99 sign from Halfords is going to make any critical difference.

 

As for letting people know there's a baby on board in the event of a crash, they're held on with a 2p suction cup.  Unless you fix the thing onto the window with araldite, pretty sure it's coming off in a crash that's serious enough for rescue workers to be combing through the wreckage anyway.

 

So do they "annoy the shit out of you"?

[RoboRiise]

So do they "annoy the shit out of you"?

 

Did I make the original post saying they did?  They irritate me for sure for the reasons I gave above, sorry can I only comment on someone else's post in here now if I'm in complete agreement with it?

 

The fuck are you up in my shit for?

[bouncebrigade]

Did I make the original post saying they did?  They irritate me for sure for the reasons I gave above, sorry can I only comment on someone else's post in here now if I'm in complete agreement with it?

 

The fuck are you up in my shit for?

 

You do whatever you like, mate.

 

And maybe take a few deep breaths while you're at it.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

You do whatever you like, mate.

 

And maybe take a few deep breaths while you're at it.

 

As likable as ever, bb

[RoboRiise]

You do whatever you like, mate.

 

And maybe take a few deep breaths while you're at it.

 

Oh I'm fine my friend, no deep beathing required.  I just wondered why you jumped all over my posts when the person who actually mentioned them to begin with said "Cunts that hang these in their car window. Its says everything about their brain size and fuck all about their parenting capbailties" and yet that seemingly does't merit a peep out of you.  Because, y'know, he sounds a little more angry than me.