little things that annoy the shit out of you

[bouncebrigade]

Collections at work for someone's birthday.  Please. Fuck. Off.

 

Now when somebody is leaving the firm then fair enough, they have done their service and it's nice to give them a small send off.  But someone's birthday, no I'm not having that.

 

And I'm far from a tight cunt.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Collections at work for someone's birthday.  Please. Fuck. Off.

 

Now when somebody is leaving the firm then fair enough, they have done their service and it's nice to give them a small send off.  But someone's birthday, no I'm not having that.

 

And I'm far from a tight cunt.

 

You are 100% correct. This would be MAYHEM if everyone did it for their birthday.

 

In fact, once some girl had a whipround for 2 girls in the office who had birthdays the same week (both her friends) but left out another girl who's birthday was the same week. Cunts.

 

Plus the girl they left out was a sound, smoking hot polish girl. Jealous cunts.

[Bjornebye]

Yeah I hate that shit. Cliques. Girls are fucking horrible. We have a right poisonous bitch in our office who goes over to peoples desks and makes a point of letting people see she is whispering. A right shit stirring gossip. The type who is only out for herself.

 

She has just spent 20 minutes on the phone to John Lewis arguing about a delivery and has now gone out for a smoke as she is stressed. She will come in and at 12 ( people can take an hours lunch anytime between 12 and 2 here) make some food. eat it at her desk then will fuck off out for an hour. She gets away with it as well because her manager can't be arsed with the hassle of an argument with her. She is 52, still dresses like a 25 year old and she is a fucking horrible Scottish cunt.

[Mook]

I can confirm that middle aged Scottish women in offices are worse than fucking Satan himself.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Yeah I hate that shit. Cliques. Girls are fucking horrible. We have a right poisonous bitch in our office who goes over to peoples desks and makes a point of letting people see she is whispering. A right shit stirring gossip. The type who is only out for herself.

 

She has just spent 20 minutes on the phone to John Lewis arguing about a delivery and has now gone out for a smoke as she is stressed. She will come in and at 12 ( people can take an hours lunch anytime between 12 and 2 here) make some food. eat it at her desk then will fuck off out for an hour. She gets away with it as well because her manager can't be arsed with the hassle of an argument with her. She is 52, still dresses like a 25 year old and she is a fucking horrible Scottish cunt.

 Thankfully the men outnumber the women in this office. Its split about 60/40. My old jobs all had about a 20/80 split in the womens favour at least. I was the only guy in the office for a good year once, except for higher management. Hell. On. Earth. "Did you hear about Susan?" "Pssst." "Check out the *insert codename so you can talk about all your 'friends' in work without them knowing"

 

I felt like jumping up and screaming at the top of my lungs "I don't know how you lot can be so judgmental when you're all fat, aging, ugly evil slags" then just walking out. I resisted the urge, thankfully and moved into a department that is much more balanced.

[bouncebrigade]

I can confirm that middle aged Scottish women in offices are worse than fucking Satan himself.

 

I checked to see what age Kirsty Gallagher is, she isn't middle aged yet.

[Rico1304]

You are 100% correct. This would be MAYHEM if everyone did it for their birthday.

 

In fact, once some girl had a whipround for 2 girls in the office who had birthdays the same week (both her friends) but left out another girl who's birthday was the same week. Cunts.

 

Plus the girl they left out was a sound, smoking hot polish girl. Jealous cunts.

There was a collection in our office before Christmas for one of the PAs, she'd moved from a side office into the main office. Not left, not changed role, just moved seats.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

There was a collection in our office before Christmas for one of the PAs, she'd moved from a side office into the main office. Not left, not changed role, just moved seats.

 

How do you explain how fucking bonkers that is? I mean, it'd be like trying to explain how to breath to someone. They should just fucking know.

[Dr Nowt]

There was a collection in our office before Christmas for one of the PAs, she'd moved from a side office into the main office. Not left, not changed role, just moved seats.

 

What did you say when they asked you to contribute mate?

 

That must have been like the day Bob Cratchit asked Scrooge for a final salary pension scheme and 60 days paid holiday a year.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

"Well i'm not going to contribute any money but you can tell her she's more than welcome to place my genitals in her gob."

[Rico1304]

"Well i'm not going to contribute any money but you can tell her she's more than welcome to place my genitals in her gob."

She is pretty fit to be fair but there's no way she was getting any money.

[Trumo]

How do you explain how fucking bonkers that is? I mean, it'd be like trying to explain how to breath to someone. They should just fucking know.

 

[Tony Moanero]

Betas.

 

Example: Bloke who sits opposite me at work.

 

Every day when I walk in I open the window which is next to my desk. We both have window seats, so he also has a window, which he doesn't open. We also both sit next to radiators, mine is never turned on, his is always turned on. He wears knits in July, I wear t-shirts in January. Let's just say we're not temperature compatible deskmates. Every day when I open that window he looks up, adopts a studied look of mild disapproval for between two and four seconds and then looks back down. This has been going on for the best part of a year.

 

Fucker is a couple of years older than me, it's not like he's a kid or anything. We also have a bird on my left who gets cold at the drop of a hat, one to her left who would be cold if you set her on fire (a theory which I intend to test one day) and one who sits to his right who once returned from a holiday in Barbados and said 'I thought it would be hotter'. I'm the only person on my bank of 6 desks who actually wants fresh air between October and April. Still he doesn't say shit, just the look.

 

I'm at the point now where I want to scream at him 'either kick off or stop giving it the hangdog look every day, you fucking massive beta cunt'.

Just punch the cunt in the face, you pussy.

[RoboRiise]

Just punch the cunt in the face, you pussy.

 

I like the way you roll Tony.  I also like employment.  Well, like is overstating the case a little, "accept employment as a necessary evil" would be closer to the truth.

 

Anyway - annoyances: Home internet connection going down.  Probably the ultimate in first world problems I know, but mine went tits up at about midnight yesterday and I was just sat there in front of the computer for about an hour looking like someone had unplugged me.  I can't even remember what I used to do before I had internet access.  If I can't get it back on tonight I think I may take up recreational murder.

[Dr Nowt]

I was just sat there in front of the computer for about an hour looking like someone had unplugged me. 

 

Perfect.  The puppet with it's strings cut.

[Jairzinho]

Yeah I hate that shit. Cliques. Girls are fucking horrible. We have a right poisonous bitch in our office who goes over to peoples desks and makes a point of letting people see she is whispering. A right shit stirring gossip. The type who is only out for herself.

 

She has just spent 20 minutes on the phone to John Lewis arguing about a delivery and has now gone out for a smoke as she is stressed. She will come in and at 12 ( people can take an hours lunch anytime between 12 and 2 here) make some food. eat it at her desk then will fuck off out for an hour. She gets away with it as well because her manager can't be arsed with the hassle of an argument with her. She is 52, still dresses like a 25 year old and she is a fucking horrible Scottish cunt.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odlAGksL9eU

[General Dryness]

Yeah I hate that shit. Cliques. Girls are fucking horrible. We have a right poisonous bitch in our office who goes over to peoples desks and makes a point of letting people see she is whispering. A right shit stirring gossip. The type who is only out for herself.

 

She has just spent 20 minutes on the phone to John Lewis arguing about a delivery and has now gone out for a smoke as she is stressed. She will come in and at 12 ( people can take an hours lunch anytime between 12 and 2 here) make some food. eat it at her desk then will fuck off out for an hour. She gets away with it as well because her manager can't be arsed with the hassle of an argument with her. She is 52, still dresses like a 25 year old and she is a fucking horrible Scottish cunt.

 

 

I can confirm that middle aged Scottish women in offices are worse than fucking Satan himself.

 

Its not limited to scottish women. Every nemesis I've ever had in my working life has been a middle aged woman. They are the ubercunts of the office world. Their looks have faded and they've missed the window for climbing the ladder by shagging the boss. The massive shoulder-chipped cunts.

[boots123]

Going for a shit in a cubicle at work and just as you sit down, someone enters the cubicle next door, loudly of course, invading my quiet shitting bubble.

 

On that, the amount of time it can take sometimes to wipe clean. I had to flush 3 times today to avoid clogging the bastard up.

yeah and when the whole row of 10 cubicles are empty and they slam into the one next to you.

[matt1983]

Collections at work for someone's birthday. Please. Fuck. Off.

 

Now when somebody is leaving the firm then fair enough, they have done their service and it's nice to give them a small send off. But someone's birthday, no I'm not having that.

 

And I'm far from a tight cunt.

Mate of mine collected £100 for a bloke who was leaving his office, then spent every last penny on those cock-shaped straws birds have on hen parties,cut the stems off,put them in a Chanpagne bottle box and wrapped it.

 

Apparently the recipient was only mildly less annoyed than those who had contributed to the gift.

[Bjornebye]

These fucking cunts

 

 

Fucking hate them both and their buoyant fucking faces

[Trumo]

Anny Road has just gone for a bathroom break but he'll be back in a minute.

[Hooch]

All BBC Morning presenters stink of Waitrose and a weekend in the Cotswolds. 

[Jose Jones]

I was back over in the old dart a couple of months ago. The BBC breakfast presenters are a gang of patronising middle class simpleton wankers. It's basically playschool without the respect for the audience.

[Major Tom]

Was it ever not thus?

 

Is not the media on the whole rife with this type of being?

[bouncebrigade]

People in work who say "what can I do you for?"

 

Say that to me again and I'll do you with a pole axe through the skull.