little things that annoy the shit out of you

[Harry Squatter]

Places obsessed with Social Media or getting people to order off their website.  Went for a meal at some Italian place a couple of weeks ago and asked for a menu. They said "oh we don't have any to give out because of Covid/hygiene, you need to follow us on Instagram and download the menu".

 

I thought it was a load of shit and couldn't be arsed so I lied and said I don't have an Instagram account. She then asked my daughter if she had one and I said she hasn't because of online twats. Eventually she brought out a paper menu which they used during Covid instead of the plastic menus so they were just being awkward bellends looking for more followers. 

 

Went into a pub near Birmingham a few weeks ago and they refused to take orders for food at the bar and told me to download their app. So I have to download an app on my phone and give them all my details so they can spam me constantly with emails. All I wanted was a fucking burger. 

 

 

[Evelyn Tentions]

28 minutes ago, Mook said:

Exactly.

 

£4 a pint and you have to wipe your freezing cold, soaking wet hands on your nice keks before heading back to the bar.

Saw one with the 4 lines of how to use instructions followed by handwritten 5. Wipe hands on trousers

[Bobby Hundreds]

The ridiculous amount of emails I'm getting that begin with "spooktacular"

[Mook]

Capri Sun.

 

Who invented those fucking packets? My missus got some in for the kids & I can't get the straw in without covering half the kitchen in orange juice.

[Section_31]

On 29/10/2021 at 16:02, Harry Squatter said:

Places obsessed with Social Media or getting people to order off their website.  Went for a meal at some Italian place a couple of weeks ago and asked for a menu. They said "oh we don't have any to give out because of Covid/hygiene, you need to follow us on Instagram and download the menu".

 

I thought it was a load of shit and couldn't be arsed so I lied and said I don't have an Instagram account. She then asked my daughter if she had one and I said she hasn't because of online twats. Eventually she brought out a paper menu which they used during Covid instead of the plastic menus so they were just being awkward bellends looking for more followers. 

 

Went into a pub near Birmingham a few weeks ago and they refused to take orders for food at the bar and told me to download their app. So I have to download an app on my phone and give them all my details so they can spam me constantly with emails. All I wanted was a fucking burger. 

 

 

Some blert in a Turkish place asked us to do them a TripAdvisor review in exchange for free deserts, but they had to read it and approve it first. Fucking Kofta KGB over here, told them to get fucked on principle, even though I'd enjoyed the meal and would have given them a good review for free if they'd just asked.

[Harry Squatter]

10 minutes ago, Mook said:

Capri Sun.

 

Who invented those fucking packets? My missus got some in for the kids & I can't get the straw in without covering half the kitchen in orange juice.

Just took my son to burger King and they were the only drinks available. Its like trying to get a needle into one of those blood plasma bags.

[Harry Squatter]

4 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Some blert in a Turkish place asked us to do them a TripAdvisor review in exchange for free deserts, but they had to read it and approve it first. Fucking Kofta KGB over here, told them to get fucked on principle, even though I'd enjoyed the meal and would have given them a good review for free if they'd just asked.

Cunts are obsessed with online reviews. As long as your place doesn't get worse reviews than Pontins in Ainsdale or the Adelphi then I'll give it the benefit of the doubt as most people on TripAdvisor are pedantic moaning cunts. 

 

That Italian place I went to was ridiculous. Two pensioners were sitting next to us having just finished their meal. They didn't look like they had Instagram accounts. 

 

Just give me the fucking menu, take my order and give me my food. It doesn't have to be complicated. 

[Section_31]

19 minutes ago, Mook said:

Capri Sun.

 

Who invented those fucking packets? My missus got some in for the kids & I can't get the straw in without covering half the kitchen in orange juice.

Childhood chippy meal or choice, a jumbo sausage and a Capri son or can of Tizer. Nowhere other than a chippy could you get these drinks.

[Captain Willard]

Condiments in sachets. I’ve got an issue with fine motor skills in my fingers so I cannot open the fiddly fucking things.  Just put out a sauce bottle you tight fuckers. 

[Tony Moanero]

21 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

Condiments in sachets. I’ve got an issue with fine motor skills in my fingers so I cannot open the fiddly fucking things.  Just put out a sauce bottle you tight fuckers. 

 

[Captain Willard]

53 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

 

Yes good idea. The trouble is I fly a lot for work so will inevitably forget it’s in my bag and lose it in airport security at one point. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

On 09/09/2021 at 12:15, Bjornebye said:

Some fella nearly took me clean out on Hope Street the other day. Told him to get on the road and he started shouting some nonsense back as he sped off. If he'd crashed into me I'd have been in a shit state, fucking idiots. 

Hope Street? The road is probably one of the safest in Liverpool for cycling and the pavements would be shite for it, even if there were no pedestrians to hit.

 

Worra cock.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

On 29/10/2021 at 16:02, Harry Squatter said:

Went into a pub near Birmingham a few weeks ago and they refused to take orders for food at the bar and told me to download their app. So I have to download an app on my phone and give them all my details so they can spam me constantly with emails. All I wanted was a fucking burger. 

 

 

I'm guessing it's a sneaky way to employ fewer waiters, because they don't need a paid human to take your order. It's called progress, dontcha know.

[Bjornebye]

13 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

Hope Street? The road is probably one of the safest in Liverpool for cycling and the pavements would be shite for it, even if there were no pedestrians to hit.

 

Worra cock.

Some people just aren’t arsed as long as their ok 

[YorkshireRed]

People (most often a dark haired woman who goes by the name Mrs YorkshireRed) who despite being asked at least a million times to replace the Sky remote on the coffee table, once used, has once again lost it. 
 

Usually this only comes to light when I want to watch some form of sporting event, often causing me to miss the start.

 

Most often, it’s a relatively easy find down the side of the sofa but it has been known to have been left in the kitchen or downstairs toilet. On one occasion I suspect it was accidentally thrown out but this remains unproven. 

[Bjornebye]

39 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

People (most often a dark haired woman who goes by the name Mrs YorkshireRed) who despite being asked at least a million times to replace the Sky remote on the coffee table, once used, has once again lost it. 
 

Usually this only comes to light when I want to watch some form of sporting event, often causing me to miss the start.

 

Most often, it’s a relatively easy find down the side of the sofa but it has been known to have been left in the kitchen or downstairs toilet. On one occasion I suspect it was accidentally thrown out but this remains unproven. 

Stand in the conservatory kicking off with a poker in your hand. It’s the go to stance for all remote based fall outs 

[Bobby Hundreds]

DIY just never seems to go smoothly there's always some fucking problem big or small. 

[Harry's Lad]

5 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

People (most often a dark haired woman who goes by the name Mrs YorkshireRed) who despite being asked at least a million times to replace the Sky remote on the coffee table, once used, has once again lost it. 
 

Usually this only comes to light when I want to watch some form of sporting event, often causing me to miss the start.

 

Most often, it’s a relatively easy find down the side of the sofa but it has been known to have been left in the kitchen or downstairs toilet. On one occasion I suspect it was accidentally thrown out but this remains unproven. 

If it's Sky Q, press the Q on the front of the box and the remote will beep.

[Captain Willard]

Mrs Willard, ex raver, is a bit deaf so cranks the car radio up to ludicrous volumes then parks it up and leaves it. When I start it the following morning, it sounds like a fucking bomb has gone off underneath it. Scares the fuck out of me and the kids every time. 

[Trumo]

2 hours ago, Harry's Lad said:

If it's Sky Q, press the Q on the front of the box and the remote will beep.

 

And then he finds it in her drawer full of 'toys'.

[Bjornebye]

People who chat shit while singing a song, between lines or instead of lines. 

 

Sophie Ellis-Bextor has done some 24 hour danceathon thing and Radio 2 are playing some of it, she's crucifying Dancing Queen by Abba right now, talking over it with the odd note. Just after the "only 17" line she goes "43 but whose counting" she keeps talking the wide gridded posh cunt I'm in a right mood now "yeeeah" 

[Bjornebye]

Just remembered she did some kitchen cant dance thing when we all first went into lockdown and that was a load of talk over shit as well. Murder on the darrrnce floor, I wish you leggy bastard now they're playing Groovejet by Spiller ft the cunt, sort it out Ken 

[Geoff Woade]

32 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Just remembered she did some kitchen cant dance thing when we all first went into lockdown and that was a load of talk over shit as well. Murder on the darrrnce floor, I wish you leggy bastard now they're playing Groovejet by Spiller ft the cunt, sort it out Ken 

Quite how she’s managed to stay in any way relevant is beyond me. Living off that one song from over 20 years ago. 

[Bjornebye]

8 minutes ago, Geoff Woade said:

Quite how she’s managed to stay in any way relevant is beyond me. Living off that one song from over 20 years ago. 

Mum and Dad are connected I think. 

[VladimirIlyich]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Mum and Dad are connected I think. 

Blue Peter and wanking are the answer.