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little things that annoy the shit out of you

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11 minutes ago, Mook said:

When you write 'ill' on your phone & the spellcheck amends it to 'I'll' about 5 times before it gives in.

 

Little cunt.

Then next time you want to write 'I'll' but can't be arsed typing the apostrophe or capital letter, the fucking thing doesn't autocorrect.

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Nipping over to the FF for a injection of the unmentionable and accidentally finding myself on the blinking Draft Forum.
 

It’s like wondering into a room and forgetting why you’re there, or how you arrived. 

 

I don’t need this kind of shit to make me feel confused and unaware of my surroundings. I have old age for that. 

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39 minutes ago, John102 said:

When i see Staffs/Pit bulls dressed in pink, like its some sort of baby girl.

Like sticking a ribbon on a shark.

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3 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

This. This is a major fucking source of stress in my life. Whatever the destination, Mrs Kurtz insists on driving to the actual entrance to the venue to start our search for a parking spot. Occasionally she gets lucky and this encourages her. Once we went to West Ham away on a sunday and the council had not amended the parking restrictions so we parked directly opposite the main gate to the main stand. Of course, come full time our car was surrounded by 10,000s of disappointed west ham fans making their feelings known about Mrs Kurtz's original Candy shirt. Happy days. 

The wife is an excellent driver until she gets into a car park and then she goes fucking crackers changing her mind a million times before settling on a spot. It probably causes more arguments between us than anything else ( That and the need to be late for everything ).

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Middle Class behaviours and attitudes. I’m not necessarily referring to the Middle Classes here, just those who indulge in atrocities such as:

 

Voting Tory

Badminton

Baking

‘To Do’ Blackboards

Youth Hostling

Kids Birthday Parties

Date Nights

Wearing Backpacks

Leasing Flash Cars

Judging The Neighbours

Talking To Each Other

Pretending To Be Happy

Being Gluten Intolerant 

Sexual Devience

Secret Drinking In The Afternoon

Waiting To Die

 

On reflection, I’ve done/do at least half of these. Fucking typical. 

 

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1 minute ago, YorkshireRed said:

Middle Class behaviours and attitudes. I’m not necessarily referring to the Middle Classes here, just those who indulge in atrocities such as:

 

Voting Tory

Badminton

Baking

‘To Do’ Blackboards

Youth Hostling

Kids Birthday Parties

Date Nights

Wearing Backpacks

Leasing Flash Cars

Judging The Neighbours

Talking To Each Other

Pretending To Be Happy

Being Gluten Intolerant 

Sexual Devience

Secret Drinking In The Afternoon

Waiting To Die

 

On reflection, I’ve done/do at least half of these. Fucking typical. 

 

 

Only two of that list apply to me. 

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The old girl complaining every time I drop my guts in the bog that I stink the house out. Gets right on my tits. Despite using the air freshner or leaving a window open, I keep telling her it's only what she feeds me.

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6 minutes ago, dockers_strike said:

The old girl complaining every time I drop my guts in the bog that I stink the house out. Gets right on my tits. Despite using the air freshner or leaving a window open, I keep telling her it's only what she feeds me.

I just shit out of the window.

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5 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

I just shit out of the window.

You mean you have the latest in front wall fresh air orifices combined with a wide capacity gutter installation below.

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Bad blue neighbours have been getting work done by her cousin, annoying little know it all twat, 60+ a voice that makes you long for escape. A jobber, slow and not very good, calling wood ‘ lumber ‘ fucking tool. I was talking louder than him regularly asking my missus for a piece of four be two be fourby. I would sit in the garden with ear phones on so not to listen to the cunt. Spot on that girl! Fuck off.

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When you press the bell on the bus and the bus driver drives straight past the stop. Its made exponentially worse if you try and point this out to the driver and he acts like you have just took a shit in his back kitchen.

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17 minutes ago, Chairman Meow said:

You mean you have the latest in front wall fresh air orifices combined with a wide capacity gutter installation below.

I have paving and a house pipe?

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Anti-vaxxers on social media and in workplaces.

 

If you're anti-vaccine, fine. Fuck off and let people get their vaccine without having your ill researched shite dumped on them.

 

Friend of my mum and dad works at the local Maccies, was essentially bullied out of having the vaccine by the bosses wife (who has also put anti-vaccine posters up in the staff room) and some twat who's relative works in a lab and says it not been tested enough. Poor fucker is now in ICU as she's asthmatic and has been hit with Covid. 

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Your bank or credit card company sending you an email trumpeting 'We're going paperless!' when they really mean 'we're changing you to paperless cos we cant be arsed asking you yet again if you want to keep receiving paper versions of your statements and tell us you do want to keep them!' Cunts!

 

Logged onto my account last week to be met with the message on a flash screen 'Go paperless!' No fucking thanks, I like the physical copy so had to go to preferences and re confirm I want to receive hard copy.

 

Literally 5 minutes ago, I get an email from them 'We're going paperless!' accompanied by more guff saying I can confirm I want to retain paper copies from 19 August, the day after they ignore my current preferences. No, just fuck off. Ive said I want to keep paper copies, why the fuck do I have to keep telling you?

 

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4 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

Middle Class behaviours and attitudes. I’m not necessarily referring to the Middle Classes here, just those who indulge in atrocities such as:

 

Voting Tory

Badminton

Baking

‘To Do’ Blackboards

Youth Hostling

Kids Birthday Parties

Date Nights

Wearing Backpacks

Leasing Flash Cars

Judging The Neighbours

Talking To Each Other

Pretending To Be Happy

Being Gluten Intolerant 

Sexual Devience

Secret Drinking In The Afternoon

Waiting To Die

 

On reflection, I’ve done/do at least half of these. Fucking typical. 

 

Baking is boss. I haven’t got the patience for it, but I enjoy eating homemade bread, biscuits and cakes.

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4 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Baking is boss. I haven’t got the patience for it, but I enjoy eating homemade bread, biscuits and cakes.

I enjoy doing it and eating it. I just dislike the ‘look at me, I’m baking’ attitude. Of course there’s nothing actually wrong with this, I’m just an easily irritated curmudgeon. 

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4 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Voting Tory - not in general elections, only for Mrs Kurtz locally

Badminton - no

Baking- not me, the kids do it all the time though and make a fucking mess

‘To Do’ Blackboards - no

Youth Hostling - no

Kids Birthday Parties- yes

Date Nights - no

Wearing Backpacks- no, only on my Vespa

Leasing Flash Cars - no

Judging The Neighbours - no

Talking To Each Other - yes

Pretending To Be Happy - no

Being Gluten Intolerant - no

Sexual Devience - yes

Secret Drinking In The Afternoon - no

Waiting To Die - no

 

I only got 3 Yes. 

I scored 9. What a cunt. 

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2 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

I'm struggling to see where you got another 6 ? - 3 more could be

 

drinking in the afternoon

waiting to die

pretending to be happy 

 

but after that I'm struggling. Has your account been hacked ? 

Baking

Youth Hostling

Kids Birthday Parties

Date Nights

Talking To Each Other

Pretending To Be Happy

Sexual Deviance

Secret Drinking In The Afternoon

Waiting To Die

 

It’s not necessarily the ‘what’, it’s the ‘how’ that pisses me off.

 

Obviously I indulge in sexual deviance and waiting to die with a certain panache that others fail to pull off. 

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3 minutes ago, sir roger said:

Is the youth hostelling with Chris Eubank ?

No - the wife loves a Youth Hostel. She gets excited looking for ones we haven’t yet visited. The members kitchens are her version of a VIP area. 

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