little things that annoy the shit out of you

[Captain Turdseye]

Caught sight of my reflection in a couple of shop windows on my way back to the car. Felt like Tom Hanks on Omaha Beach. 
 

 

Couldn’t process that four months of looking like a twat had just been left on the floor and I’d paid for the privilege. Pretty sure it’s not straight too. Gonna have to take the rest of it off myself. 

[sir roger]

1 hour ago, Doctor Troy said:

There's about 47 Turkish barber shops in Huyton.

 

I went to one in Williamson Square about 4 years ago and the fella was clueless. I could have done a better job myself blindfolded. 

 

 

If that is the one opposite the Richmond pub , I still have a singe mark on the top of my left ear where he was doing that burning thing.

[Harry Squatter]

15 minutes ago, sir roger said:

If that is the one opposite the Richmond pub , I still have a singe mark on the top of my left ear where he was doing that burning thing.

Yeah, fucking second shittest barber I've even been to (the other one is opposite Alder Hey). 

 

I got my hair cut in that Turkish place the day before I went on holiday so ended up looking like I had alopecia for 2 weeks. 

 

The barber I usually go to said they only know one cut and if you haven't got a Herman Munster square head and flat part on the back of your head they malfunction and haven't got a clue what to do.

 

They do all the fancy shite with the flames and towels to disguise the fact that they probably worked in a shop selling blag footy kits in Bodrum before coming here. 

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Epsom is not a massive town but we’ve got at least a dozen barbers.  Must be money laundering. Tanning shops are the same, just front for OCGs

Yeah defo is money laundering mate. I've mentioned it before but there was one near mine when I lived down south and I used to walk past it twice a day. I hardly ever saw anyone but the one barber fella stood there watching sky sports on a big fuck off tv. 

[Captain Turdseye]

54 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

Yeah, fucking second shittest barber I've even been to (the other one is opposite Alder Hey). 

 

I got my hair cut in that Turkish place the day before I went on holiday so ended up looking like I had alopecia for 2 weeks. 

 

The barber I usually go to said they only know one cut and if you haven't got a Herman Munster square head and flat part on the back of your head they malfunction and haven't got a clue what to do.

 

They do all the fancy shite with the flames and towels to disguise the fact that they probably worked in a shop selling blag footy kits in Bodrum before coming here. 

Posted this before but I bought some blag Stan Smith’s in Bodrum a few years ago. Maybe I had sunstroke but they looked passable in the shop. What actually got put in the shoebox was something different. Turned out they weren’t even two of the same shoe but I hadn’t opened the box until we got back to the UK. 
 

I fucking hate Turkey. 

[Harry Squatter]

36 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Epsom is not a massive town but we’ve got at least a dozen barbers.  Must be money laundering. Tanning shops are the same, just front for OCGs

There is also a Florida property shop opposite the Childwall Fiveways pub that is always open but I've never seen one person set foot in there and it's been open for about 5 years.

[johnsusername]

5 hours ago, Doctor Troy said:

There is also a Florida property shop opposite the Childwall Fiveways pub that is always open but I've never seen one person set foot in there and it's been open for about 5 years.

I've always wondered that. Is it the Florida Property Corner? I mean it's pretty specific as well just Florida. Does it do other places?

 

Maybe they get loads of drunken business from people getting smashed at the Whetherspoons over the road. Ten pints and it seems like a great idea to put a deposit down on a villa in Orlando.

[johnsusername]

Celebrities doing gambling adverts. How much money do these fuckers need? Ray fucking Winston, Clive Owen, even fucking Keith Lemon is doing one now.

 

Dunno, maybe they give the wages to charity, but it still seems shitty promoting gambling.

 

It's as bad as the ones on daytime telly which target women - foxy bingo, pink bingo, come online and make some friends! 

[Rico1304]

6 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Epsom is not a massive town but we’ve got at least a dozen barbers.  Must be money laundering. Tanning shops are the same, just front for OCGs

Tanning shops are massive fronts, see also weight training ‘health food’ shops.  Can I have a box of protein for £60 please?  

[Bruce Spanner]

5 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

Tanning shops are massive fronts, see also weight training ‘health food’ shops.  Can I have a box of protein for £60 please?  

Tanning salons especially as you charge cash and can justify excessive electricity consumption without any eyelids batted. 

[Rico1304]

5 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Tanning salons especially as you charge cash and can justify excessive electricity consumption without any eyelids batted. 

Not just that, the depreciation of the kit is massive and the tubes are consumables that cost a fortune. 
 

we should set up a criminal enterprise. Or an arcade, as the old criminals used to. 
 

Edit: I don’t know any prostitutes anymore so brothel is out of the question. 

[Bruce Spanner]

10 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

Not just that, the depreciation of the kit is massive and the tubes are consumables that cost a fortune. 
 

we should set up a criminal enterprise. Or an arcade, as the old criminals used to. 

I’m game, Rico.

 

What could be better, massive tax less income and loadsa women wandering around half naked looking to you for help? 

 

I know a kid of one of the high street ‘arcades’ owners and they ain’t scratching around for 50p to stick in the back of the TV. They’re all cunts though.

[Bjornebye]

I’m in. We can rig the grand national game 

[Kevin D]

People who don't understand the difference between the Milf thread and the fit birds who fly between the radar thread.

 

Makes me think that the education system in this country isn't up to scratch, quite frankly.

[VladimirIlyich]

28 minutes ago, Kevin D said:

People who don't understand the difference between the Milf thread and the fit birds who fly between the radar thread.

 

Makes me think that the education system in this country isn't up to scratch, quite frankly.

'Under the radar.'

[Preston Red]

The screaming little bastard next door and the parents who encourage it at half past fucking seven on a Sunday morning.

 

It's now 9am and it's still at it.

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Preston Red said:

The screaming little bastard next door and the parents who encourage it at half past fucking seven on a Sunday morning.

 

It's now 9am and it's still at it.

Turn your gas on and go out for a week 

[Kevin D]

12 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Ha ha. It’s an unwritten but inexorable rule of life that if you make an on line comment on grammar or intelligence you will make a corresponding error. 

 

Such is life.

[Preston Red]

Just now, Bjornebye said:

Turn your gas on and go out for a week 

I like the cut of your jib.

 

We're off to Filey in late September so that could be an option.

[sir roger]

3 hours ago, Preston Red said:

I like the cut of your jib.

 

We're off to Filey in late September so that could be an option.

Went to Butlins Filey when I was a kid. Not sure what was worse , the drunken scottish hordes , or the scotch mist that descended at about 7 oclock.

[Mudface]

When it's finally warm enough for the neighbour you thought was fit to stop wearing long coats and you see she's got a fat arse.

 

Bitch.

[Jairzinho]

4 hours ago, Kevin D said:

 

Such is life.

You'll be disappointed when you look back on that. 

[Jairzinho]

6 minutes ago, Mudface said:

When it's finally warm enough for the neighbour you thought was fit to stop wearing long coats and you see she's got a fat arse.

 

Bitch.

She'll be disappointed when she looks back on that. 

[Mook]

11 minutes ago, Mudface said:

When it's finally warm enough for the neighbour you thought was fit to stop wearing long coats and you see she's got a fat arse.

 

Bitch.

The fit bird across the road from me has put on about two stone since October. I'm tempted to knock on her door & surprise her with an exercise bike.

[Mudface]

33 minutes ago, Jairzinho said:

She'll be disappointed when she looks back on that. 

I'm fucking fuming, I feel like going round and having a word. Months of waiting for some warm weather and she comes out with that.