little things that annoy the shit out of you

[Anny Road]

Mrs Turdseye stuck a massive wall sticker up in our bedroom with the same phrase. It didn’t last long. Even she could see how shite it was.

I know It got on my nerves too. Put me right off my stroke. Glad you got rid of it. Thumbs up.

[Tony Moanero]

I like them but they aren't boat shoes are they ?  Deck pumps ?

 

I was imaging the crimp-fronted ( usually ) blue felt shoes with crepe soles that you get in Next etc.

 

 

I thought you meant this sort of thing.

 

[sir roger]

Indeed Mr M , they're the fellows I was assuming Lifey was alluding to.

[Red_or_Dead]

I thought you meant this sort of thing.

 

Those shoes are hideous.

 

Twats who were them probably pop their collars on polo shirts.

[Tony Moanero]

Those shoes are hideous.

 

Twats who were them probably pop their collars on polo shirts.

Ha ha. They’re just leather moccasins. Ideal for summer. I wear them with tailored shorts and a lightweight shirt, when I don’t want to wear trainees. Never had the inclination to “pop” my collar.

[lifetime fan]

I like them but they aren't boat shoes are they ? Deck pumps ?

 

I was imaging the crimp-fronted ( usually ) blue felt shoes with crepe soles that you get in Next etc.

 

So do I mate, but have never bought them myself. Especially considering the price she paid!

 

I know what you mean about ‘classic’ boat shoes, but I don’t class them as daps.

[lifetime fan]

It's some heinous shit, alright.

 

In the antithesis of all that Disney-esque wank, one of my mates showed me his Tinder profile at the weekend.

 

It says nothing more than the following:

 

"I spend my evenings watching Top Gear with my trousers down, covered in Sudocrem.

 

Likes:

 

Garlic

Curry

Chips

Cheese"

 

He's absolutely raking them in. Had a dozen different conversations going with a variety of decent women on Saturday alone.

 

Restored a tiny bit of my faith in humanity, that did.

 

 

Makes note*

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Women in work commenting on what you're eating, I've mentioned this before, but it's to the point I just don't bother now, horrible incessant annoying cunts.

[Trumo]

Women in work commenting on what you're eating, I've mentioned this before, but it's to the point I just don't bother now, horrible incessant annoying cunts.

 

Ignore 'em, I say. A man's gotta eat!

[Captain Turdseye]

Tablets getting stuck in your throat. Not even good ones either. Ones that keep your arms and legs working.

[Captain Turdseye]

Dickheads, usually teenagers or pissed up blokes, that walk slowly across the road even when they’ve seen you driving on it.

 

Three lads did it to me the other day making me come to a stop. So I put the car in neutral and as soon as they were directly in front of my bonnet I slammed my foot down and revved fuck out of the engine. The lot of them absolutely shit themselves, jumped out of their skin and started calling me all sorts. I just burst out laughing and went on my merry way.

[Captain Turdseye]

The summer holidays. I love my kids but they never, ever stop fucking talking. I’m getting booted out of my living room later because one of them is having yet another sleepover.

 

I’ve put my foot down and said they need to be gone by 11 at the latest tomorrow morning because I want to open a can and work myself into a frenzy before the match kicks off.

[Captain Turdseye]

Getting out of bed on the wrong side in the morning.

[Dr Nowt]

Dickheads, usually teenagers or pissed up blokes, that walk slowly across the road even when they’ve seen you driving on it.

 

Three lads did it to me the other day making me come to a stop. So I put the car in neutral and as soon as they were directly in front of my bonnet I slammed my foot down and revved fuck out of the engine. The lot of them absolutely shit themselves, jumped out of their skin and started calling me all sorts. I just burst out laughing and went on my merry way.

Get this a lot round ours, doing the full slow down, turn and stare out routine. Harder than a car, aren’t they.

 

Yes mate, my metal projectile loaded with fuel wants absolutely none of your powerful forearms.

 

Stunted evolution helmets.

[Numero Veinticinco]

The summer holidays. I love my kids but they never, ever stop fucking talking. I’m getting booted out of my living room later because one of them is having yet another sleepover.

 

I’ve put my foot down and said they need to be gone by 11 at the latest tomorrow morning because I want to open a can and work myself into a frenzy before the match kicks off.

My boy used to have patience right up until the game started. I'd get him all dressed up, we'd go out, get some grub, have a kick about at the park, pretend to be players from the game, go back for the start of the game and he'd say 'i want to play Mario'.

 

I made the sound of a cat when it sees another cat in the garden.

[Captain Turdseye]

Get this a lot round ours, doing the full slow down, turn and stare out routine. Harder than a car, aren’t they.

 

Yes mate, my metal projectile loaded with fuel wants absolutely none of your powerful forearms.

 

Stunted evolution helmets.

I’ve played it out in my head many times.

 

“I didn’t see them. They just came out of nowhere, your honour.”

[Captain Turdseye]

My boy used to have patience right up until the game started. I'd get him all dressed up, we'd go out, get some grub, have a kick about at the park, pretend to be players from the game, go back for the start of the game and he'd say 'i want to play Mario'.

 

I made the sound of a cat when it sees another cat in the garden.

Sorry, I meant my kids’ friends need to be out by 11am. I wouldn’t banish my own children from the house just so I can watch the football in peace.

 

That’s what the padlock on the bedroom door is for.

[Numero Veinticinco]

Sorry, I meant my kids’ friends need to be out by 11am. I wouldn’t banish my own children from the house just so I can watch the football in peace.

 

That’s what the padlock on the bedroom door is for.

An adherent to the Fritzl school of parenting, I see. Good work.

[Dr Nowt]

I’ve played it out in my head many times.

 

“I didn’t see them. They just came out of nowhere, your honour.”

 

If I'm ever given notice I only have weeks to live, the streets will get a whole lot cleaner.

 

 

"JUSTICE".

[VladimirIlyich]

The summer holidays. I love my kids but they never, ever stop fucking talking. I’m getting booted out of my living room later because one of them is having yet another sleepover.

 

I’ve put my foot down and said they need to be gone by 11 at the latest tomorrow morning because I want to open a can and work myself into a frenzy before the match kicks off.

When my two lads were very young they used to come running into our room in the morning. One morning they came charging in while I was full stroke in the missus. I simply finished and rolled off without batting an eyelid. Now all me and the missus want to do is sleep. She may still have been asleep then.

[Carvalho Diablo]

.

Tony Blair looking well.

[General Dryness]

Tablets getting stuck in your throat. Not even good ones either. Ones that keep your arms and legs working.

 

Stop taking them. Your limbs might cease to function, but theres also a tiny chance that you might become really brainy.

 

Worked for Steven Hawking.

[Captain Turdseye]

Stop taking them. Your limbs might cease to function, but theres also a tiny chance that you might become really brainy.

 

Worked for Steven Hawking.

I thinkfgg. Myou mihhhhyt brrv into summtgink. Fanks#

[General Dryness]

I thinkfgg. Myou mihhhhyt brrv into summtgink. Fanks#

Get one of them voiceboxes with an American accent, then nobody will know you're from Runcorn.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Pilot light keeps going out on my boiler. Motherfucker.