little things that annoy the shit out of you

[lifetime fan]

They’ve done you a favour not delivering those, mate.

 

Go fuck yer Ma.

[Elite]

Some dozy mare in Tesco asked if I had any id to prove my age when I was buying a knife a year or so.back. I am 58.

Are you Jimmy Krankie?

[Tony Moanero]

Go fuck yer Ma.

My ma has better taste in trainees, mate.

 

Last time I saw her, she was wearing Stan Smiths.

[Champ]

Go fuck yer Ma.

 

Coliiiiiiin!

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

My ma has better taste in trainees, mate.

 

Last time I saw her, she was wearing Stan Smiths.

Stan must have been in a rush to get out the door the next morning, if he left his trainers behind.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

I spent years grilling bacon, sausages and tomatoes, as I’d convinced myself less grease was better. One day, I decided to fry them, for a change, and have never looked back. You need a bit of grease when you have a cooked breakfast.

People who drain the fat off fried bacon? You need it to soak into the bread.

[Anny Road]

You’re obviously not cooking them in the oven, which brings into question whether you have any idea what you’re doing.

“Perfect” sausages do not have bits of skin that haven’t crisped up.

Mental.

[Oh Buoy]

Seeing "test" when I try and access the forums. 

[Dave D]

Miltant jobsworths.

 

I was returning something to Homebase the other day- think it cost around £4.

 

I scan my card and Till girl prints off return receipt- job done........or maybe not- she asks me to sign the receipt for their records- fair enough. She then lunges for my debit card and waves it in front of her face and proceeds to ask me if I have anything else on me with my signature on as she cant see it on my bank card as it rubbed off over the years.

 

I give her one of my smooth, yet challenging grins and say I dont have anything. The transaction is done, if she sticks to this signature thing she will then have to call for a manager. 

 

She wasnt budging. Neither was I. It was intense.

 

She then rightly pointed out my driving license will have my signature scanned on to it.

 

She's right.

 

I get my refund but the real victory was hers in this dual of identification proof for returning a plastic plant pot.      

[The Golden Eel]

When a wee bit of liquid goes down your throat the wrong way and you end up coughing for about 10 minutes

[Bjornebye]

Not being able to use a / when saving a word document. Even worse when you have headphones and you get that horrible nazi trumpet salute telling you that you are in-fact a thick cunt and must change this to a – or a . Worth about 67 billion quid and the gig wearing quim can’t even change that functionality that simply makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Typing nerdy circuit-board mainframe world of warcraft software developing coding seattle window cunts.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

When a wee bit of liquid goes down your throat the wrong way and you end up coughing for about 10 minutes

 

Golden showers can be tough for rookies.

[ZonkoVille77]

Not being able to use a / when saving a word document. Even worse when you have headphones and you get that horrible nazi trumpet salute telling you that you are in-fact a thick cunt and must change this to a – or a . Worth about 67 billion quid and the gig wearing quim can’t even change that functionality that simply makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Typing nerdy circuit-board mainframe world of warcraft software developing coding seattle window cunts.

There's a reason for this. Simplistic view is / indicates a directory (folder) on command lines, so it would confuse the operating system.

[Bjornebye]

There's a reason for this. Simplistic view is / indicates a directory (folder) on command lines, so it would confuse the operating system.

See. Twats

[ZonkoVille77]

See. Twats

Yup.

Robots on Mars but they can't sort this shit.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Was thinking about the Robocop TV series of the 90s this morning.  Really annoyed me how they toned it down to make it family friendly.  Instead of shooting a blokes nuts off through a woman's skirt he would shoot a globe which would roll and knock over a book case trapping the criminal but not harming then.

 

Fuck off. 

[Total Longo]

Was thinking about the Robocop TV series of the 90s this morning.  Really annoyed me how they toned it down to make it family friendly.  Instead of shooting a blokes nuts off through a woman's skirt he would shoot a globe which would roll and knock over a book case trapping the criminal but not harming then.

 

 

Still better than the flying version in RoboCop 3.

[Oh Buoy]

When you're in a supermarket and you notice there's no separation bar things and they're all at the bottom near the cashier. Yet Gobshite Doris will make it her mission to let the cashier know when her shopping finishes and walks to the end/leans over everyone elses shopping to grab the bar. 

 

And you automatically say "Thanks" like she's done you and the world a favour. 

 

Another one, when someone in the queue looks at your shopping and then starts touching it and saying, "ohhh, where are they?" then proceeds to eye it up. Go fucking get one, Jean. Fucking flump. 

[Remmie]

When you're in a supermarket and you notice there's no separation bar things and they're all at the bottom near the cashier. Yet Gobshite Doris will make it her mission to let the cashier know when her shopping finishes and walks to the end/leans over everyone elses shopping to grab the bar.

 

And you automatically say "Thanks" like she's done you and the world a favour.

 

Another one, when someone in the queue looks at your shopping and then starts touching it and saying, "ohhh, where are they?" then proceeds to eye it up. Go fucking get one, Jean. Fucking flump.

Neither of those things have ever happened to me.

 

I haven't lived.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I used a Toblerone to separate shopping once, and not the small Toblerone either the medium sized ones.

[Oh Buoy]

Neither of those things have ever happened to me.

 

I haven't lived.

 

Genuinely think the worst was the woman touching stuff. 

 

Picked it up and read the ingredients and everything. 

 

Calorie counting other peoples shopping the cheeky gimp. 

[Mook]

When you're in a supermarket and you notice there's no separation bar things and they're all at the bottom near the cashier. Yet Gobshite Doris will make it her mission to let the cashier know when her shopping finishes and walks to the end/leans over everyone elses shopping to grab the bar. 

 

And you automatically say "Thanks" like she's done you and the world a favour. 

 

Another one, when someone in the queue looks at your shopping and then starts touching it and saying, "ohhh, where are they?" then proceeds to eye it up. Go fucking get one, Jean. Fucking flump. 

 

If someone behind me in the queue started touching my shopping I would stick the head in them, man, woman or child.

 

Completely unacceptable on every level.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Yeah that's never happened to me thankfully , if it did to coin a phrase i'd go 'wild in the aisles'.

[Trumo]

when someone in the queue looks at your shopping and then starts touching it and saying, "ohhh, where are they?" then proceeds to eye it up.

 

[Bjornebye]

twat them in the fucking bollocks. nosey arl bitch