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little things that annoy the shit out of you

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Birds with fit bodies who look terrific from behind who then turn out to have a face like a smacked arse.

 

 

Butterfaces, as in "everything but her face".

 

BOBFOC - Body Off Baywatch Face Off Crimewatch.

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Stig's mention of his Ikea trip has reminded me about those shit interior decorative items people buy that either say 'Love' or 'Home' on them, or can be put together to spell out those words. Cushions, framed pictures, wallpaper prints, rugs, furniture... Is there some unwritten rule that you have to buy that shit whenever you move house?

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People who don't have their change ready for the bus despite standing at the stop for 15 minutes scratching their balls.

 

When the buses revert to a moneyless system over the next few years, that will be replaced by people forgetting their Oyster cards or forgetting to top them up.

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Stig's mention of his Ikea trip has reminded me about those shit interior decorative items people buy that either say 'Love' or 'Home' on them, or can be put together to spell out those words. Cushions, framed pictures, wallpaper prints, rugs, furniture... Is there some unwritten rule that you have to buy that shit whenever you move house?

 

She had a dream that when we move each stair will have a different homely thing we love or saying written on them.

 

Some of my suggestions ensured that's another idea on the bonfire.  Best way to kill these things, I find.

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She had a dream that when we move each stair will have a different homely thing we love or saying written on them.

 

Some of my suggestions ensured that's another idea on the bonfire.  Best way to kill these things, I find.

 

 

you did well there.  Crikey.  

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you did well there.  Crikey.  

 

You have to make some concessions, I mean, she's lovely and she has to fucking live with me, but there are limits, aren't there.

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If you suggest things to write on the stairs such as "did you turn the light in the kitchen off?" "did you put the bins out?"  "is that back door locked?"  "hope you haven't left any dirty cups in the sink" "did you put the central heating on timer?"  "Jesus wept, what have you been eating?" "no, not even a hand job, I've got work in the morning"  you'll keep things pretty grounded. 

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Leaving cups in the sink? My missus insists on putting dirty pates and cups in the sink instead of on the side. I dispute this for 2 reasons, firstly it fills the sink and you can't use it until the washing up is done and the first thing I do when washing up is empty the sink to wash up, so just put it to the side in the first fucking place.

 

She prefers to bung everything in the sink and wash it all up in there and likes the fact that you are forced to wash up if you need to use the sink as it makes sure it's done regularly.

 

My system is so infinitely superior, but she washes up loads more than me, what would Jebus do?

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Any youtube video where someone's trying to show you how to do something. They always take about 20 minutes to drone on "hey guys, whats up. welcome back to the basement, and er, hey - let me just move this camera here . so today, I'm going to, erm, ...." etc. etc. etc.

 

GET ON WITH IT YOU TWAT

 

 

Oh - and Jesus would definitely have a dishwasher.

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Stig's mention of his Ikea trip has reminded me about those shit interior decorative items people buy that either say 'Love' or 'Home' on them, or can be put together to spell out those words. Cushions, framed pictures, wallpaper prints, rugs, furniture... Is there some unwritten rule that you have to buy that shit whenever you move house?

We got bought an enormous canvas with 'Kitchen' written on it. I hung it above the cooker, just in case I ever walk into the room and forget where I am.

 

Do we really need reminding to 'eat', 'drink' or 'bathe'? It winds me up. I'm waiting for a plaque that says, in swirly copperplate writing, 'Get down and clean all that shit from behind the fridge'. That would be much more practical.

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We got bought an enormous canvas with 'Kitchen' written on it. I hung it above the cooker, just in case I ever walk into the room and forget where I am.

 

Do we really need reminding to 'eat', 'drink' or 'bathe'? It winds me up. I'm waiting for a plaque that says, in swirly copperplate writing, 'Get down and clean all that shit from behind the fridge'. That would be much more practical.

 

I get this totally. I have to deal with a lot of plans drawn by architects who think they are Frank Lloyd Wright.

Yet when they draw a garage, with the word Garage written in it they think I am so stupid that they need to put a picture of a Porsche in there. Likewise bathroom tells me all I need to know you do not need to put in a picture of a toilet. Lounge - couch etc etc.

It is when a client has specified a room they have no imagination or clipart picture for that I send them an email.

'Ancillary study room' they are fucked.

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The realisation that you will never ever come across those porn videos you found in your mate's ma's cupboard back in the late 90s ever again. They were foreign, they were brilliant and I'll never see them again. 
 

Leaving cups in the sink? My missus insists on putting dirty pates and cups in the sink instead of on the side. I dispute this for 2 reasons, firstly it fills the sink and you can't use it until the washing up is done and the first thing I do when washing up is empty the sink to wash up, so just put it to the side in the first fucking place.

 

She prefers to bung everything in the sink and wash it all up in there and likes the fact that you are forced to wash up if you need to use the sink as it makes sure it's done regularly.

 

My system is so infinitely superior, but she washes up loads more than me, what would Jebus do?

I'm with you. I mean what kind of idiot has this thought process.. 
'Hey lets put everything in the sink and pile it all up! That way, when someone does do the washing up they have to take everything out again before they can!'

 

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If you suggest things to write on the stairs such as "did you turn the light in the kitchen off?" "did you put the bins out?" "is that back door locked?" "hope you haven't left any dirty cups in the sink" "did you put the central heating on timer?" "Jesus wept, what have you been eating?" "no, not even a hand job, I've got work in the morning" you'll keep things pretty grounded.

It might look like you're squatting in the home of a little old lady who has dementia

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The ex said I was making my place look like a 'rental' as I refused to have any shit.

 

heat-01.jpg?itok=LSCzGRH_

 

A guy told me one time, "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner." 

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you did well there.  Crikey.

 

She had a dream that when we move each stair will have a different homely thing we love or saying written on them.

 

Some of my suggestions ensured that's another idea on the bonfire.  Best way to kill these things, I find.

Ben, you're on the 'wanking' stair again.

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