little things that annoy the shit out of you

[Harry Squatter]

How every stag do, special birthday, etc ends up the same

 

With shit banter, 25 knobheads invited (half of whom you have barely met) and somebody trying to tie the stag/birthday lad to a lamp post, hand cuff them to a midget, strip them naked. We had a boss few days planned last year for a 50th until the lad got wind of what one of the others had planned. The original plan was a weekend away until it was hijacked by Captain Twat who wanted to turn it into every other pricks stag/big birthday

I had my stag do in Poland and invited about ten mates. My brothers were my best men and I told them if they tried any lamp post tying shite on me they would regret it. Only problem is that they literally did fuck all and you would never have known I was getting married.

 

Also my mate asked if he could bring two randoms from his work who barely spoke to the rest of us and spent two days doing their own thing, meeting up with us twice. Basically asked my mate why he brought them when they weren't even interested in socialising with us.

 

One of my other mates used to go on one stag do a month. Loads were shite as the majority were in Blackpool and he just latched himself onto a load of randoms he barely knew. Just don't see the point, you may as well go into town and just latch onto any group of 20 lads.

[Rico1304]

My cousin has just been over from Oz for a few weeks, she's got a baby so we offered to put a load of stuff together so she didn't have to waste space in her cases; toys, books and our buggy - which Izzy still uses but we could do without for a couple of weeks. 

 

Went to my mums last night and found out that my cousin went back to Oz last week. She's not arranged for us to collect the stuff (or dropped it off) and more annoyingly no thank-you.  I didn't want a gold clock but the least she could do was say cheers. Miserable cow.

[RedKnight]

Strewth.

[King Emlyn]

That's Sheilas'for you

[Furmedge]

When you have just had 10 days off because of the Easter shut down and you have to go to work the next day and to matters worse you are on fucking lates!

 

JLR?

[Furmedge]

I work flexi time (only for the next 3 weeks as I've handed my notice in), and can work any weekday, 24 hours a day.  I tend to work days at the start of the week and if I fancy a day off I'll come in late one night and stay a few hours.  I'm off on Friday so arranged to come in tonight to see a staff member whose on a qualification I'm assessing.  I didn't have to come in, I decided to do so because it would help someone else.  Gets in, preps all my paperwork for a good 90 minutes, goes down to see them and their words are, "I'm not cut out for this, I can't be arsed, I'm wasting your time, I don't want to do it." 

 

So now I'm spending my time bitching about it on here racking the hours up before going home and having the next two days off.

[bouncebrigade]

50 yards from the coffee hut - not a sinner in sight.

 

20 yards away - a queue of five.

[Mook]

Sitting in Princes Street gardens having my sandwich there, loads of fit birds kicking about & a bunch of swamp donkeys come & sit right in front of me with some male friends who were dressed like ironic geography teachers.

 

Cheers.

[Champ]

Sitting in Princes Street gardens having my sandwich there, loads of fit birds kicking about & a bunch of swamp donkeys come & sit right in front of me with some male friends who were dressed like ironic geography teachers.

 

Cheers.

Haha, I must be psychic. I thought about you as I was walking through town on my way home this afternoon.

 

Question. What is a swamp donkey?

[lifetime fan]

Haha, I must be psychic. I thought about you as I was walking through town on my way home this afternoon.

 

Question. What is a swamp donkey?

A horrible looking fucking heffer.

[Mook]

Haha, I must be psychic. I thought about you as I was walking through town on my way home this afternoon.

 

Question. What is a swamp donkey?

Think Jade Goody.

 

Now.

[Champ]

A horrible looking fucking heffer.

Thank you, Colin

 

Think Jade Goody.

 

Now.

 

We Brits (no-one offended by that term, I hope) arent always the most glamorous lot, it has to be said

[Remmie]

Haha, I must be psychic. I thought about you as I was walking through town on my way home this afternoon.

 

Question. What is a swamp donkey?

The same as a bush pig

[Liverpool lad]

People who phone you three times a day when they want something or need you to sort something out for them, then fall off the face of the earth once they don't need you for fuck all

[FanchesterCity]

People that phone you. Period.

 

I'll be in touch when I want to talk. I have a mobile for MY benefit, not yours.

[moof]

People that phone you. Period.

 

I'll be in touch when I want to talk. I have a mobile for MY benefit, not yours.

Someone let fanchester know Tony Manero has stolen his login details.

[Duff Man]

Washing pegs that don't grip. How the fuck do you get that wrong? Shit bastards.

[Furmedge]

People who leave notes on your desk rather than come and speak to you. Came into one this morning from an uppity admin girl whose telling me I'm holding some paperwork in a 'non standard practice way'. Just crack on with your filing and I'll look after my paperwork they way I want to look after my paperwork.

 

Put me in a right pissy mood for the week and it's only 7.45 on a Monday morning.

[FanchesterCity]

Cigarette lighter sockets and MP3 player connections in stupid places in the car (like under the armrest???)

[RoboRiise]

Lift mongs.

 

Get in a lift, press the ground floor button which becomes illuminated.  After a short ride which anyone with a fuctioning inner ear can tell is moving downwards, the lift stops.  The ground floor button's light goes out.  The large digital display above it reads "G".  The audio announcement in the lift says "Ground floor".

 

"Is this ground?"

 

Yes it is.  Unfortunately though, you won't be able to continue your journey because I am now going to gut you like a deer and sit here playing with your entrails until security arrive to establish why lift #4 now resembles an ISIS propaganda video.

[Harry Squatter]

When scally birds call you "mate"

[Bjornebye]

Mate is better than 'laaaaad'

[Champ]

Should I call people 'mate' on here? It doesnt seem quite right, somehow

[stringvest]

Should I call people 'mate' on here? It doesnt seem quite right, somehow

 

no you shouldn't, sweetie.

[Champ]

no you shouldn't, sweetie.

And that's definitely not