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little things that annoy the shit out of you


boots123
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4 hours ago, gkmacca said:

Cyclists. They're just mental. Complain about bad motorists or pedestrians, and you'll get plenty of motorists and pedestrians agree with you. But complain about bad cyclists and the entire cycling world will go berserk and insist it's some kind of slur. They ride on the pavement and try to slalom around you, they ride through red lights but go nuts if they see cars or pedestrians fail to respect the rules, they seem to think sticking out an arm without looking over their shoulder is sufficient effort before turning, and they do what the hell they like while insisting that everyone else stays meek and law-abiding. I don't know if bikes attract psychotic blokes, or somehow turn normal blokes into  raging mad men, but there are some serious arseholes out there. The worst are the ones who wear all the Tour de France yellow jerseys and lycra. Wankers.

Er, nope. I can’t bear cyclists who think they’re above the rules of the road, jumping lights etc because I think it makes the rest of us vulnerable to the kind of response you’re describing 

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Chips. It's getting more and more hazardous ordering a bowl of chips in a pub. Sometimes they'll bring enough for about three people, sometimes you can actually count them there are so few. Sometimes they'll be 'proper' chips, sometimes they'll be skinny fries, and once we even got ones that were either made of sweet potato or were painted orange. You can't trust 'em these days!

 

Same with sandwiches. If I want, say, a ham sandwich stuffed full of soggy lettuce, cucumber and tomato, I'll ask for it, but if I just ask for a ham sandwich, I don't want half a damn garden with it!!

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1 minute ago, gkmacca said:

Chips. It's getting more and more hazardous ordering a bowl of chips in a pub. Sometimes they'll bring enough for about three people, sometimes you can actually count them there are so few. Sometimes they'll be 'proper' chips, sometimes they'll be skinny fries, and once we even got ones that were either made of sweet potato or were painted orange. You can't trust 'em these days!

 

Same with sandwiches. If I want, say, a ham sandwich stuffed full of soggy lettuce, cucumber and tomato, I'll ask for it, but if I just ask for a ham sandwich, I don't want half a damn garden with it!!

Just go the chippy and make your own butties.

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I was in Richmond park (London) one time doing a sponsored walk for our mate who passed away with cystic fibrosis.  We were all gathered near the restaurant area in the park, there was a cafe and other landmarks and it was easily the busiest part of the park with people resting for an ice cream and generally enjoying the slower more relaxed pace of the park.  All of a sudden a fully lycra clad cyclist comes bombing downhill bellowing "HEY, OI, AY, HEY, HEY!!!" at the top of his voice and wildly gesticulating towards pedestrians to get out of his way.  It was completely ridiculous expecting other people to be aware of an oncoming cyclist at high speed in such a crowded part of the park.  Nobody got hurt but he narrowly avoided some people, what a dickhead.

 

I used to cycle mountain bikes a lot and tried to be very considerate.   If I had traffic behind me I would mount the pavement, provided there were no oncoming pedestrians, to let them through.  I did go through red lights but not at busy intersections or in a dangerous way, just red lights on the high street.  It takes a lot of energy to build up speed on a bike, I'm fucked if I'm stopping at a red light without it being absolutely necessary.  I would usually just mount the pavement and then rejoin the road after the red light. 

 

I had a number of accidents, once I got scraped by a lorry cutting me up coming off a roundabout, I was in his blind spot.  That one could have been nasty but I was lucky and didn't fall of the bike.  Another time I was going downhill fast on a two lane road and a lorry was pulling out of a drive completely blocking the whole road.  I had to brake and ended up sliding for what seemed like an eternity before hitting a brick wall.  I was okay, just had scabs down the entire left hand side of my body.  The lorry driver got out and was shaking, haha.  I think he thought I was in a worse state than I was.

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3 hours ago, gkmacca said:

Eh??

All right, I'll try again. I am a cyclist and would never defend the way other cyclists behave in the way you described above. I think if other road users see you conforming to the rules they're more likely to give you space and if they see you acting like a tit I think they're less likely to and I'm quite clear who would win in a fight between a bike and car or a lorry

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6 minutes ago, Champ said:

All right, I'll try again. I am a cyclist and would never defend the way other cyclists behave in the way you described above. I think if other road users see you conforming to the rules they're more likely to give you space and if they see you acting like a tit I think they're less likely to and I'm quite clear who would win in a fight between a bike and car or a lorry

Much better.

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2 minutes ago, ZonkoVille77 said:

 

I've just had a lovely shit.

 

I’ve just had a horrendous one. My bum hole was itchy and now it’s bleeding due to over aggressive wiping. I need to shower and slather it with cream but I’m waiting for two parcels from Royal Mail and I know he’ll turn up the second I step in. 

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26 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 

I’ve just had a horrendous one. My bum hole was itchy and now it’s bleeding due to over aggressive wiping. I need to shower and slather it with cream but I’m waiting for two parcels from Royal Mail and I know he’ll turn up the second I step in. 

 

I hear you, brother. Hope you get the relief you deserve. 

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