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Her and the kid are going to stay in her dads tomorrow until Sunday and my new Xbox has just arrived. 
 

First time I’ll have had the house to myself for ages. This is probably the happiest I’ve been all year.

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8 minutes ago, Sugar Ape said:

Her and the kid are going to stay in her dads tomorrow until Sunday and my new Xbox has just arrived. 
 

First time I’ll have had the house to myself for ages. This is probably the happiest I’ve been all year.

I have got a horrible feeling a spanner is on it's way from orbit aiming right at your house. Fingers crossed it misses mate. 

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My missus has just told me she will be furious if I spend £900 on a drum kit and then promptly gone to her bed.

 

I'm not sure whether to be upset or delirious.

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Been together 20 years. Been through a lot together but not tied the knot yet. I'll be more than happy when that happens.

 

My previous and only marriage was a fucking disaster.

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12 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Been together 20 years. Been through a lot together but not tied the knot yet. I'll be more than happy when that happens.

 

My previous and only marriage was a fucking disaster.

Why bother to ruin a long and happy relationship?

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30 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Been together 20 years. Been through a lot together but not tied the knot yet. I'll be more than happy when that happens.

 

My previous and only marriage was a fucking disaster.

Don't rush into it mate

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33 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Been together 20 years. Been through a lot together but not tied the knot yet. I'll be more than happy when that happens.

 

My previous and only marriage was a fucking disaster.

You're too young get married fella

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After being divorced I get edgy on overnights and the last one showed up and put a toothbrush in my toothbrush glass (it’s a pint glass actually from some pub I brought home).

 

Anxiety level was off the charts. 

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1 hour ago, Nunavut Patrick said:

After being divorced I get edgy on overnights and the last one showed up and put a toothbrush in my toothbrush glass (it’s a pint glass actually from some pub I brought home).

 

Anxiety level was off the charts. 

When’s the wedding mate?

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6 hours ago, Nunavut Patrick said:

After being divorced I get edgy on overnights and the last one showed up and put a toothbrush in my toothbrush glass (it’s a pint glass actually from some pub I brought home).

 

Anxiety level was off the charts. 

Does she have any Ukrainian heritage? 

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The wife is going to stay with her parents for 3 nights and she's taking the dog. It'll be the first time I've been on my own since Covid with no dog to walk, noone else to feed, nothing. Bliss.

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27 minutes ago, sir roger said:

The wife is off to that there London with her mates Monday to Wednesday. Finding it hard to summon up the acting skills to suggest I will miss her.

Hiding the glee should be your first priority.

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The last couple of times I’ve had the house to myself it’s because we’ve either been due to get work done or people were due to collect stuff. Then the people either haven’t turned up to do the work or collect the items. The last time, someone was meant to collect the old sofa at 9am on a Sunday, so instead of a lie-in in an empty bed I was up at eight so I could have a brew, a shower and get things ready at my end the best I could. 
 

Gets to half ten before I get a message saying they’re trying to sort transport and they’ll hopefully be there about 1pm. I don’t know about anyone else but if I was arranging to collect something I needed for my house I’d probably not leave it until the day I’m supposed to be picking up the fucking thing before trying to arrange a way of getting there. 
 

They eventually turned up in a Mondeo estate, meaning it took three trips for them to get it back to their house. People are fucking cunts. 

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15 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

The last couple of times I’ve had the house to myself it’s because we’ve either been due to get work done or people were due to collect stuff. Then the people either haven’t turned up to do the work or collect the items. The last time, someone was meant to collect the old sofa at 9am on a Sunday, so instead of a lie-in in an empty bed I was up at eight so I could have a brew, a shower and get things ready at my end the best I could. 
 

Gets to half ten before I get a message saying they’re trying to sort transport and they’ll hopefully be there about 1pm. I don’t know about anyone else but if I was arranging to collect something I needed for my house I’d probably not leave it until the day I’m supposed to be picking up the fucking thing before trying to arrange a way of getting there. 
 

They eventually turned up in a Mondeo estate, meaning it took three trips for them to get it back to their house. People are fucking cunts. 

I'd sooner take things to the tip than have to deal with people collecting stuff as they are a fucking nightmare and the whole episode would annoy me and ruin my day.

 

You've no choice with a sofa, unless you take it to bits yourself which I did on one occasion and believe me it's an absolute nightmare.

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I have been carrying out research into this area for eighteen years. My full report is due in 2023 but a summary of current conclusions include:

 

1. It’s a fucking nightmare 

2. It drains your soul

3. It’s unnatural and outdated

4. It’s expensive

5. It’s ok on a Tuesday evening if there’s no sport on television and you’ve fuck all else to do. 

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8 hours ago, Karl_b said:

The wife is going to stay with her parents for 3 nights and she's taking the dog. It'll be the first time I've been on my own since Covid with no dog to walk, noone else to feed, nothing. Bliss.

As soon as she goes its straight upstairs for a wank. My missus says she's just dropping this miss posted letter off at the neighbours and as soon as the doors shut I'm tripping over my keks. It's fiendish.

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The missus left this morning to go on rugby tour, as I’m helping her pack the car she starts to well up and then says “I’m so sorry, but one of the tour rules is no phones”. 
 

I deserved an Oscar for my acting abilities. 
 

Get into work and start doing some paperwork when I realised I married the cunt 5 years ago today. 
 

Missus away all weekend, boys at their dads, wedding anniversary to the cunt and these are on offer in Lidl. 
 

Think I’m going to enjoy this weekend…

 

 

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3 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

Hang on Col, wasn't the last one a rugby player too? 

 

There may well be a fetish developing there.


Yes she was. 
 

In the main they like a laugh, a drink, have big tits and enjoy anal. 

That why they’re my type. 
 

I just fucked up and married a money obsessed, lying, manipulative cunt last time. 

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