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chauncey

Surreal (sexual) propositions

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I do a lot of freelance work had loads on this week with a deadline looming and an hellaciously ropey internet connection in my flat to compound matters. With this in mind I headed to the shit-hot new Central Library on Thursday afternoon for some peace and quiet and fast wireless.

 

It was pretty quiet given the weather and I had one of these bad boys (but on the secluded external wall behind shelves of books) all to myself. Anyway I'm working away for a couple of hours - no headphones, with it being so tranquil - until one moment someone sits in the seat right next to me. A quick glance to my left reavealed it was a young black girl in a school uniform and she reached over to some discarded books which were by her seat and asked if I was using them. "No go ahead," I reply.

 

Now, it wasn't until she sat down in the seat right next to me that I noticed she was holding her blazer and her school blouse was completely undone and her bra pulled down to her belly button: I could see a fat left tit in all its pert glory.

 

In the course of a couple of seconds I watched out of the corner of my eye as she reached behind her head with both hands (exposing both boobs), pulled out a bobble and flung it towards my laptop. Holy shit!

 

I'm not going to lie, I stiffened up in all senses as I could see where this was headed. I ignored her for a few moments whilst she flicked through the books in front of her and said "There are no nudes in this book. I'm studying art at college and need to draw nudes". She sat there until I turned and said she should cover herself up - by this point she was reclining and her legs were facing me, fully open. She said she was from Uganda and when it was hot all girls in her country went round like this. To my shame, I said this isn't Uganda and it might offend some people her showing her tits off to strangers. She was in a school uniform after all.*

 

Now, this is going to sound like even more bullshit but she said they watched a film on sex education in college that day and she was feeling really horny (but tried to qualify it by saying she doesn't go with a lot of boys). What the fuck can I say or do to that?

 

What I did was tell her to cover up and let me get on with my work... there was a female library attendant looming about twenty yards away and - though it was never my intention to take this girl into the nearby toilets and smash her senseless, like she blatantly wanted me to - it hastened the outcome. She crossed her legs, slowly and deliberately buttoned her blouse back up all the time complaining that she was covering her best feature (no arguments there) and asking if I wanted to look at porn (damn right).

 

She fucked off to the next floor up and - after waiting for my rock-on to becalm - I packed my shit up quicksnap to go outside and get right on the phone to tell whoever I could about what just happened. The consensus amongst my mates is that even though she had a cracking body and it would have been another ethnicity off the to-do list - I did the right thing in not even having a little fumble in the bogs. Bit gay?

 

What says the GF? :whistle:

 

 

*she could sense my unease and said she had been kept back a year and was 17, despite the uniform. It was one of those where the tits suggested she might have well been her stated age, but the uniform knocked a couple of years off.

Edited by chauncey

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I had a fat Aussie bird ask me to eat pineapple the next day and she'd blow me that night because it would make my spunk taste better.

 

Your story wins.

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You did the right thing, plus no one would have believed you if you'd smashed her, this way is a better story!

 

I once got propositioned by some young posh birds at Cheadle Hulme station about 9 at night as they were waiting for a train to town. They said they were 16 but didn't look it. Filthy little cows they were, messing with each other and pretending to Lez out. If I'm honest they knew I was scared and were playing me up, they'd probably legged it if I'd said ok.

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I haven't read the thread, yet, but when I saw the title, I got the same feeling on that momentous night I viewed "Durango the cokehead".

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I do a lot of freelance work had loads on this week with a deadline looming and an hellaciously ropey internet connection in my flat to compound matters. With this in mind I headed to the shit-hot new Central Library on Thursday afternoon for some peace and quiet and fast wireless.

 

It was pretty quiet given the weather and I had one of these bad boys (but on the secluded external wall behind shelves of books) all to myself. Anyway I'm working away for a couple of hours - no headphones, with it being so tranquil - until one moment someone sits in the seat right next to me. A quick glance to my left reavealed it was a young black girl in a school uniform and she reached over to some discarded books which were by her seat and asked if I was using them. "No go ahead," I reply.

 

Now, it wasn't until she sat down in the seat right next to me that I noticed she was holding her blazer and her school blouse was completely undone and her bra pulled down to her belly button: I could see a fat left tit in all its pert glory.

In the course of a couple of seconds I watched out of the corner of my eye as she reached behind her head with both hands (exposing both boobs), pulled out a bobble and flung it towards my laptop. Holy shit!

 

I'm not going to lie, I stiffened up in all senses as I could see where this was headed. I ignored her for a few moments whilst she flicked through the books in front of her and said "There are no nudes in this book. I'm studying art at college and need to draw nudes". She sat there until I turned and said she should cover herself up - by this point she was reclining and her legs were facing me, fully open. She said she was from Uganda and when it was hot all girls in her country went round like this. To my shame, I said this isn't Uganda and it might offend some people her showing her tits off to strangers. She was in a school uniform after all.*

 

Now, this is going to sound like even more bullshit but she said they watched a film on sex education in college that day and she was feeling really horny (but tried to qualify it by saying she doesn't go with a lot of boys). What the fuck can I say or do to that?

 

What I did was tell her to cover up and let me get on with my work... there was a female library attendant looming about twenty yards away and - though it was never my intention to take this girl into the nearby toilets and smash her senseless, like she blatantly wanted me to - it hastened the outcome. She crossed her legs, slowly and deliberately buttoned her blouse back up all the time complaining that she was covering her best feature (no arguments there) and asking if I wanted to look at porn (damn right).

 

She fucked off to the next floor up and - after waiting for my rock-on to becalm - I packed my shit up quicksnap to go outside and get right on the phone to tell whoever I could about what just happened. The consensus amongst my mates is that even though she had a cracking body and it would have been another ethnicity off the to-do list - I did the right thing in not even having a little fumble in the bogs. Bit gay?

 

What says the GF? :whistle:

 

 

*she could sense my unease and said she had been kept back a year and was 17, despite the uniform. It was one of those where the tits suggested she might have well been her stated age, but the uniform knocked a couple of years off.

 

Aye. It looks like we've got ourselves a ball game here, folks.

 

Repped.

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How's this for surreal:

 

I worked for a few months delivering room service at a hotel in western Canada about ten years back. One late night, I took some drinks up to a room and was met at the door by a pudgy middle-aged bloke in his undercrackers. This actually wouldn't be unusual at all, as you see all sorts working in hotels, and it's usually your best bet to keep a straight face and act professional. So I ignored his condition and took the tray in to set it down.

 

As I walked into the bedroom, there was a young east Asian woman -- probably early 20s -- stretched out on the bed and looking at me with a seductive twinkle in her eye. She was lying half-covered by the bedsheets, apparently nude, with her tits out... and the unmistakable shape of her erect penis clearly outlined in the white sheet.

 

Neither of them said a word, she just gazed at me across the room, and I've never, ever worked harder to keep a straight face in my life. I set the tray down, handed the bloke the bill to get his signature, and barely made it back out the door before I fell over and pissed myself laughing in the hall.

 

On my grandmother's grave, that is a true story. I wouldn't make shit like that up.

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Son of l8 that's a great story.

 

One that happened to a mate. He's a plumber and got this nixer installing a boiler bathroom and new shower in a house. Not a bad looking fella and gets the birds.

First day there he tells me the single mother of the house, mid 40s was giving him the come on but he just laughed it off. 2nd day she wore a bathrobe answering the door to him that left nothing to the imagination and was popping out of her clothes after changing. Kept rubbing off him "accidentally". 3rd day she "leaves" a few toys lying around and asks him had he been with any older women (he 25 at the time). He said he finally gave in and nailed her that day. Said she was filthy.

 

Anyhow gets better. 4th day the daughter turns up. 19 years old and fit. Turns out she pretty much behaves like the mother. He ended up nailing her after 2 dates. This lad is 100% honest when it comes to these things so it's defo true.

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What was that characters name that eludes me who used to have these types of threads with random capital words? His sentences read like he was from the eastern block

 

Was it Red Phoenix ?

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