Women who deserve a good slap

[Elmyn Noos]

Following on from recent stories about about a wealthy old bloke sorting his missus out in public, I thought there must plenty of ladies out there who quite frankly, deserve a fucking good slap.

 

OK, I know there are plenty of metros and sandal-wearing beardy liberals that will readily opine smugly to anyone who can't get away from them quickly enough "no woman ever deserves to be slapped". However, any bloke who has ever actually lived with one of these infuriating malicious almost pointless cunt-carriers will tell you that there are plenty of women out there who are practically begging for a swift punch to the clunge. That most of them don't get one is probably one of the fundamental causes of the problems we face in modern Britain today, and the sole reason we have to watch so much shit on TV and endure no-mark celebs gurning at us from shitty magazines at the checkout in Morrisons.

 

To be clear, I'm not talking about a sustained beating as part of a campaign of power-motivated abuse here, I'm just talking about a quick know-your-place playful tiff sort of reminder who's boss.

 

So, if I were to stand here with a big bucket of water to keep my slapping sock nice and wet, who would you put first in the queue?*

 

 

I'll start the ball rolling with unfunny comedy hunchback, Miranda Hart. Other women might find you falling down all the time funny, but they're in the queue behind you, you tedious cunt.

 

kerrrrrSPLASH!

 

*dips sock in bucket*

 

Who's next?

 

 

 

 

 

 

*When Teresa May inevitably ends up at the front of the queue, I reserve to right to slip a couple of billiard balls into the sock, Scum style.

[Kevin D]

15 pages.

[melons]

Loose women, all of them.

[Jairzinho]

Hazel Irvine.

[Bjornebye]

sarah palin, tamara eccleston and naomi campbell

 

(this does not mean I wouldn't fuck them)

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Women are getting out of hand there's no two ways about it, and quite frankly something needs to be done about it.

[stevebaby]

I'd like to see Venus Williams kick Victoria Beckham's clunge clear across the room.

Miranda Hart again with a billiard ball in the sock.

They like it really. It turns them on and they expect it from a real man."Slappy slappy, Keeps'em happy!"

[Redder Lurtz]

Helen bastarding Skelton.

HIIIIIYA GUYYYS!!!

 

 

So you rowed down a river in South America. Well done love, now shut the fuck up.

 

Someone suggested I watch Country File. I put it on last weekend expecting something relatively highbrow only to be confronted with this stupid bitch rattling on about whether or not fairies exist. Fuck off.

[Red_or_Dead]

Jo fucking Wiley.

 

Although she needs slapping with a brick, the annoying bitch.

[Pony Princess]

Those stupid, vacuous cunts who do the celeb rubbish in the Mirror. The 3am Girls.

[Ian Sea]

Clare Balding. Although I'm not actually sure she's a bird.

[Pureblood]

Thatcher.

[Pureblood]

A mate of mine contriversially says Balding is getting better with age and he would.

[Jairzinho]

Balding is another good shout. Infact I would say every single woman that presents, or commentates on, any sport.

[Elmyn Noos]

Right let's get these bitches into a queue.

 

Miranda Hart

The Loose Women

Hazel Irvine

Sarah Palin

Tamara Eccleston

Naomi Campbell

Victoria Beckham

Helen Skelton

Jo Wiley

The 3am Girls

Clare Balding

The exhumed carcass of Baroness Cuntface Thatcher

 

 

 

 

I'm gonna need a bigger sock.

[stevebaby]

I'd give Emma Watson some tough love. She'd need her ribs strapping after.

[Ian Sea]

A mate of mine contriversially says Balding is getting better with age and he would.

 

That's wrong on a multitude of levels.

[stevebaby]

Tony Blair regularly punched Cherie by the look of her.

[Jairzinho]

Tony Blair regularly punched Cherie by the look of her.

 

He must have given her a Glasgow smile, I reckon.

[Elmyn Noos]

Tony Blair regularly punched Cherie by the look of her.

 

She clearly deserved it.

 

Just to make 100% sure she's in the queue, I'm dragging tory thundercunt Theresa May into line by her hair as she cries ironically about her human rights. I'm also reneging on my pledge not to make it a sustained campaign of abuse.

 

Miranda Hart

The Loose Women

Hazel Irvine

Sarah Palin

Tamara Eccleston

Naomi Campbell

Victoria Beckham

Helen Skelton

Jo Wiley

The 3am Girls

Clare Balding

The exhumed carcass of Baroness Cuntface Thatcher

Cherie Blair

Theresa May

[Ian Sea]

Kim Kardashian obviously needs adding to the list.

[Stickman]

Nigella Lawson......:whoops:

 

Tamara Eccleston is a great shout if ever there was a case it was for strangled at birth.....although cut out the middle man and just put down the poisonous dwarf Bernie Eccleston to save us the job.

[Bjornebye]

Kirstie Allsopp

 

I hate this bitch

[Elmyn Noos]

I'm adding Nigella Lawson, just for getting all the bra-burners out in force on the media trotting out the same old nonsense about "blame the aggressor not the victim". If he's a cunt, leave him. It's fucking simple, especially when you're loaded like she is. If you don't, it means you like a bit of rough and you should stop crying about it.

 

NL: "Oh Noos, you're not going to strangle me are you, like my chinless multi-millionaire 70 year old husband? I'll bake you a cake and pout and heave my cleavage for you"

 

EN: "Of course I'm not going to strangle you Nigella. I don't strangle women"........ SLAP!...."now shut the fuck up, cover yourself up and go make me a bacon butty"

[skend04]

Ex-wives and mother-in-laws. Then you can add Katie Hopkins to that mix, how she gets airtime (and air to breathe) i will never know. Whoever books her also needs a kick in the cunt!