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A joke.


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Here's a joke. It's a bit long.............so persevere.

 

It's christmas eve, and a man falls out of a pub..drunk. He staggers across the street talking away to himself, he says ''We wish you a merry christmas..haha. He then says..oh fuck, I haven't bought my christmas prssents. He staggers across to paddys pet shop. He staggers over to the counter where he sees a fella wearing a red wig that makes his own dresses.

 

The drunken man says ''Give me rambo two''. The bloke behind the counter says ''This is a pet shop, we don't sell fucking DVDs''. The drunken man replies, ''Okay then give me a fish called Wanda''. The bloke behind the counter says ''If you're not going to buy something, get out the fuck''.

 

The drunken man says ''Sure I'm only messing with you, do you sell wasps?'' The bloke behind the counter says ''We don't sell fucking wasps''. The drunk says ''Well you've got two in the window''.

 

The drunk then says ''Do you sell budgies''? The bloke behind the counter replies ''Budgies, millions of them, how did they get fucking in? You blind bastard''. The drunk replies ''Well I thought they were too big to be rabbits''.

 

The drunk says pointing to the top shelf ''I want him, give me him, my pal, he winked at me''. The bloke behind the counter says ''Take one from down there or get out the fuck''.

 

The drunk says ''Ok Ok, If you me him, I'll pay you what I paid for my turkey''. The bloke behind the counter takes the ladder, grabs the budgie, puts it in a bag and says ''How much did you pay for your turkey?'' The drunk replies ''£1.10 a pound, weigh him''.

 

The moral of the story, is occasionally you may be drunk, but you're not fucking stupid.

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  • 7 years later...

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her Teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as Well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had Another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance?" 

God replied: " I didn't recognize you!!!!!"

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