How does your garden grow?

[lifetime fan]

Thinking of a shed at the bottom in the corner and then a raised veg bed same depth as shed to square it off.

 

Just keep the grass square and easier to cut.

 

[Lee909]

Thinking of killing the neighbours. They have a shitty post and chicken wite fence on one side and there shit keeps growing through and over. The other side has a 40ft plus conifer and some other bastard tree that drops these red cone things that burst all over the garden. Id tamper with the gas but it would probably do my house in too

[VladimirIlyich]

I really do enjoy looking at this thread but when somebody writes about their missus doing topless gardening its like an open goal. If nobody took the bait it just wouldnt be the GF,would it?

I actually cut some bushes yesterday but it was hardly worth mentioning compared to the work Tom R's gardener will be undertaking.

[lifetime fan]

I really do enjoy looking at this thread but when somebody writes about their missus doing topless gardening its like an open goal. If nobody took the bait it just wouldnt be the GF,would it?

I actually cut some bushes yesterday but it was hardly worth mentioning compared to the work Tom R's gardener will be undertaking.

To be fair I was pissed and bragging.

[VladimirIlyich]

To be fair I was pissed and bragging.

No problem with that at all.

[lifetime fan]

No problem with that at all.

Neither did upstairs when I nailed her on the grass.

[VladimirIlyich]

Neither did upstairs when I nailed her on the grass.

You live in a downstairs flat then?

[lifetime fan]

You live in a downstairs flat then?

Garden flat.

[VladimirIlyich]

Garden flat.

Thats Estate Agent speak for bottom floor flat.

[Champ]

Thats Estate Agent speak for bottom floor flat.

Unless it's in Scotland where a garden flat is a basement

[VladimirIlyich]

Unless it's in Scotland where a garden flat is a basement

The Fritzl Estate Agency.

[Duncan Clench]

Grass is a pain in the neck (I was going to type 'pain in the arse', but didn't want to highlight the obvious rhyme - which i just did anyway). Mine's fucked through a combination of female dog and 4 year old daughter. Weeds and dead patches all over it. I bought some of that grass seed that's mixed in with some growing agent/soil affair. It was on offer for £5 in The Asda. Current economy of that purchase is £1 per blade of grass. The fucks.

 

So I'm taking action, and have trawled YouTube and learnt everything I need to attempt a total renovation. Scarifying, aerating, fertilising and over-seeding. I'm getting a quote to have someone else do it but I think I'm going to try it myself. Travis Perkins can fuck off as well. £78 per day to hire a scarifying machine?

 

I'll do some before and afters because, even if you don't care, I'd like my efforts to be globally accessible whether good or bad.

[PestiRed]

Grass doesn't rhyme with arse unless you have a horrible accent

 

Good luck with the grass, I was thinking of trying to do something with ours this year but the puppy is intent on destroying the entire garden (our rose bushes now have fences around them, the tulips I bought in Amsterdam will never see another spring) so might leave it another year until she's matured a bit

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Would it matter if slugs became extinct?

 

Right now I want to murder every single last one of the slimy courgette-eating bastards.

 

[The Woolster]

Grass doesn't rhyme with arse unless you have a horrible accent

 

Good luck with the grass, I was thinking of trying to do something with ours this year but the puppy is intent on destroying the entire garden (our rose bushes now have fences around them, the tulips I bought in Amsterdam will never see another spring) so might leave it another year until she's matured a bit

 

I just spent £200 on plants and shrubs thanks to Champ and her online shop suggestion, and my puppy is digging them up, so probably wise.

 

I don't know whether to blame Champ or the puppy...

[Champ]

I just spent £200 on plants and shrubs thanks to Champ and her online shop suggestion, and my puppy is digging them up, so probably wise.

 

I don't know whether to blame Champ or the puppy...

Oh, dear, what have you started?

[stringvest]

I just spent £200 on plants and shrubs thanks to Champ and her online shop suggestion, and my puppy is digging them up, so probably wise.

 

I don't know whether to blame Champ or the puppy...

Blame Champs puppies

[stringvest]

My gardner has sacked me. Ive just had to buy a lawnmower. I might even have to start the fucker later while i can see over the grass.

[Champ]

I'm off to Chelsea tomorrow.

 

I'll be leaving my gardening knife at home this time

[AngryOfTuebrook]

"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower.  I said - OK, as long as you don't take it out of my garden."

 

Eric Morecambe

[The Woolster]

Oh, dear, what have you started?

 

I had a lot of space to fill!

 

And with this bloody dog, I keep having to fill it

[Champ]

I had a lot of space to fill!

 

And with this bloody dog, I keep having to fill it

And it arrives and you think, 'is that it?'

 

Expensive game this gardening malarkey

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I've just about given up on the courgettes, because of those gastropod twats.

 

I'm trying just about everything short of slug pellets - copper tape; beer traps; anti-slug gravel; wool pellets - to try to protect the broccolli and the cucumbers.  (I'm told that chives, garlic, chervil and mint help to deter the bastards.  I've got some seeds, but I'm starting them in the greenhouse.)

 

 

[Remmie]

Looking at getting some kind of Garden storage, this seems like a good deal for £47 but fancy something bigger, any recomendations:

[VladimirIlyich]

I had a lot of space to fill!

 

And with this bloody dog, I keep having to fill it

Maybe put the plants in large pots,urns,planters and those sorts of things instead? And concentrate on hydrangeas and Rhododendron and the likes which are far more hardy.