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Most of my working life was spent in Sales. The annual appraisal basically consisted of, have you hit target? Yes, then fuck the rest of it, do it again next year. No, then you then lets analyse the fuck out of why not, fuck your excuses. 

 

The reality is most companies dont give a fuck about your well being, personal growth or whether the job aligns with your personal values.

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33 minutes ago, Jose Jones said:

No-one actually pays any attention to what anyone posts on LinkedIn though do they? All that is just twats, recruiter twats and marketing twats spouting bollocks at each other. 

Most people just use it to look at the job ads or occasionally message someone they used to work with if they don’t have their number or email address.

It's changed now but it depends I think on your industry. If you're freelancing in any way, or involved in any kind of new media business, you have to tailor Linkedin to what services you provide but then in order to get it in front of the eyes of people who might give you business, you supposedly have to 'be active', commenting and shit. 

 

It's very much a tool of the modern labour force, where once most people had a job at an organisation and went home at 5pm, now you have to be a 'brand', essentially a 24/7 Billy bullshitter. 

 

The modern British economy is essentially a circle of people, each with their hands in each other's pockets and pulling out nothing but dirty handkerchiefs and old Polo mints.

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2 hours ago, Rick Sanchez C-137 said:

My last performance review had sections where you had to detail where you performance aligned with company values like "achieving excellence" and other such shite. I told my boss it was a pile of wank and answered with one short sentence, which I cant remember verbatim but was essentially "I achieve excellent by continuously improving."

 

Americans, isn't it?

 

In our place we pretty much change how we do our performance reviews every two years or so. And when I say "change", that means throwing a fortune at consultants so they can tweak a few minor details, like altering box marking grades from letters to numbers or something equally inconsequential. And not one of the six or seven cosmetically different types of review I've had while I've been here have been worth the paper they're printed on.

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42 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

 

In our place we pretty much change how we do our performance reviews every two years or so

 

Fucking hell, THIS. Does my tits in. I'm in this job 2 years and the process has changed 3 times (we have mid-year check-ins). Insane.

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14 hours ago, Mook said:

That's sound cunts you're thinking of.

 

There are plenty of non-sound cunts who will see it as some sort of work/Facebook hybrid utopia.

Oh aye, the people like @cloggypop says are wankers.  The same types of people who read business self help books.

I didn't think it really affected the real world though - guess it does for Sections line of work and the like though.  Ugh.

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The corporate bellendery speak fucks me off. Luckily we don't do much of it in security. Though as we recently tupee across to a crap company(I'm sure some backhanded went on) the initial meeting probably didn't go like they thought it would. As I pretty much told them all I'm interested in is doing my job and going home, I'm not looking to advance.

 

The only position above mine is the day supervisor/manager and for the 50p a hour extra he gets really isn't worth the hassle of dealing with the clients or the newer useless fucks we get when we need new staff. I'm the night supervisor so my whole team is me on my own in one building a guy down the road in the other building and the check calls I take from another site. 

 

Not sure it went down well as I just said I took the night shift as it suited my life and the stress levels on days were ridiculous. All I want to is come in do my job properly and well and go home. 

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I'm starting at BAE on Monday and while I'm looking forward to it, this will be a total culture shock at first for me.

 

I'm used to working at small companies, in small units with no more than ten other lads and having a laugh about absolutely anything. Nothing was ever off limits along with having tit calendars all over with "galleries" of your favourites from calendars gone by.

 

Now I'll have to get used to watching what I say and enduring bullshit management/office speak whenever I have to encounter these types as it's swamped by them so I believe. Modern Toss usually sum it up quite well in their posts on social media.

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I remember the Bank's first foray into such cobblers when they added the question ' What is your ultimate ambition ? ' to our annual reviews , and my mate's offering of ' to shag Kylie Minogue ' went down very badly.

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5 minutes ago, sir roger said:

I remember the Bank's first foray into such cobblers when they added the question ' What is your ultimate ambition ? ' to our annual reviews , and my mate's offering of ' to shag Kylie Minogue ' went down very badly.

I guess he was Spinning Around through the revolving door and heading up the job centre thinking he wasn't so Lucky Lucky Lucky.

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8 hours ago, Lee909 said:

The corporate bellendery speak fucks me off. Luckily we don't do much of it in security. Though as we recently tupee across to a crap company(I'm sure some backhanded went on) the initial meeting probably didn't go like they thought it would. As I pretty much told them all I'm interested in is doing my job and going home, I'm not looking to advance.

 

The only position above mine is the day supervisor/manager and for the 50p a hour extra he gets really isn't worth the hassle of dealing with the clients or the newer useless fucks we get when we need new staff. I'm the night supervisor so my whole team is me on my own in one building a guy down the road in the other building and the check calls I take from another site. 

 

Not sure it went down well as I just said I took the night shift as it suited my life and the stress levels on days were ridiculous. All I want to is come in do my job properly and well and go home. 

In my experience people who are very driven and ambitious can’t wrap their heads around the concept of just doing your job and going home.   
 

When I got my works phone they made it clear I could use it for personal use too FOC. I politely declined and kept my phone.  That way I can leave my works phone at home during holidays and at weekends and not have the temptation to look at works stuff. So many people reply after I’ve had an auto reply saying they are on holiday. 

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8 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

In my experience people who are very driven and ambitious can’t wrap their heads around the concept of just doing your job and going home.   
 

When I got my works phone they made it clear I could use it for personal use too FOC. I politely declined and kept my phone.  That way I can leave my works phone at home during holidays and at weekends and not have the temptation to look at works stuff. So many people reply after I’ve had an auto reply saying they are on holiday. 

It wouldn't be so bad if the average company was genuinely grateful. The CEO gave a shout out to some wanker who'd worked right through the night during black Friday a few years back, he was laid off about three months later. 

 

I literally made myself ill working through lunchbreaks and shit and 10/12  hour days for people in my late 20s and early 30s, it's simply not worth it. 

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1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

It wouldn't be so bad if the average company was genuinely grateful. The CEO gave a shout out to some wanker who'd worked right through the night during black Friday a few years back, he was laid off about three months later. 

 

I literally made myself ill working through lunchbreaks and shit and 10/12  hour days for people in my late 20s and early 30s, it's simply not worth it. 

My shift is 12hrs. 

And twice I've done significantly longer in emergencies. Once I was walking out the door when a local power cut happened. I ended up leaving at midnight. Then about 3 years back we have fairly bad snow storm hit and the night crew couldn't in, so I said I'd stay, it was agreed I'd do a extra 6 hours and the day supervisor would come in at half twelve and I'd go home. Only I said they had to pay me till half two as I wasn't walking in the snow and ice at 2am. The cheeky cunt of a area manager tried arguing with me I needed to be back in at 6am for a day shift. 

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Where I am now the last time they were bought out there was a management incentive for scheme.  Minimum buy in was £30k, but some put in a lot more.  There was a multiplier based on the value the business achieved on its next sale.  That multiplier turned out to be 12.  So there’s about 15 people who’ve all made a minimum of £360k. Obviously I joined after it had closed.  

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I’ve been speaking at a virtual conference this week. Loads of ambitious, engaged, types joining to hear my thoughts on a range of topics. 

 

If only they knew how little I know.

 

Obviously I recommended changing whatever appraisal system their respective companies use at least three times every year. 

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End of year calibration sessions are fucking brutal places. I’ve never heard so much shit spoken in my life.  I could have quite easily murdered people in those.  Seeing insecure managers mark down high performing staff because they were jealous or scared of being replaced was infuriating.  One cunt who did it regularly is all over LinkedIn spouting about teamwork - I remember him stiffing a bloke on his team who ‘didn’t display the core values’ despite being fucking ace at his actual job.  

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2 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

End of year calibration sessions are fucking brutal places. I’ve never heard so much shit spoken in my life.  I could have quite easily murdered people in those.  Seeing insecure managers mark down high performing staff because they were jealous or scared of being replaced was infuriating.  One cunt who did it regularly is all over LinkedIn spouting about teamwork - I remember him stiffing a bloke on his team who ‘didn’t display the core values’ despite being fucking ace at his actual job.  

I remember those. Fucking horrific states of affairs. Oh man the power trips...

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46 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I remember those. Fucking horrific states of affairs. Oh man the power trips...

It was possible to be shit at your job, but display the core values and get a bigger bonus than someone who was good but wouldn’t play the game.  Criminal. 

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10 hours ago, Preston Red said:

I'm starting at BAE on Monday and while I'm looking forward to it, this will be a total culture shock at first for me.

 

I'm used to working at small companies, in small units with no more than ten other lads and having a laugh about absolutely anything. Nothing was ever off limits along with having tit calendars all over with "galleries" of your favourites from calendars gone by.

 

Now I'll have to get used to watching what I say and enduring bullshit management/office speak whenever I have to encounter these types as it's swamped by them so I believe. Modern Toss usually sum it up quite well in their posts on social media.

Punch the biggest bloke there, that way you’ll gain respect and won’t get bummed in the showers.  
 

Edit: that might be prison, but I think it still applies. 

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55 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

Punch the biggest bloke there, that way you’ll gain respect and won’t get bummed in the showers.  
 

Edit: that might be prison, but I think it still applies. 

Hahaha best get some numbing cream in case I miss

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I must be one of the lucky ones as my boss is helpful, encourages my development, makes sure I don't take too much on, creates opportunities and fights to make sure I get any pay rises I'm due.

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